What if you never find the love of your life?


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neardc is offline neardc Post #1  February 12,2012, 9:58pm
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Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

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The Washington Post Magazine included an interesting article today on The single life: Some people never find the love of their lives. And live to tell about it. It featured the stories of mostly middle-aged singles (50+) who have never managed to find "the one," but would still like to.

It touches on a number of topics, such as the stigma of being single, the "whys" of how people have remained single, and feeling hopeful. I found it an interesting read, albeit a bit depressing, too.

So, what if you never find the love of your life?

(Warning: Do not quote post; you may be moderated.)

MicMan pulled this representative quote from the article, which I'll add here, too:

WaPo Article wrote :
We talk a lot about singles, but we don’t talk about this: what it’s like to live without a partner while longing for one, over years, then decades.

We assume a single life would be incomplete, and quite possibly awful. A 2010 survey of 18- to 25 year-olds found that their biggest fear for the future wasn’t illness or poverty. It was “being alone.”

And when we meet someone who hasn’t married by 40 or 50, we want an explanation. So, we assign one: He’s a commitment-phobe. She’s too picky. They all have “issues.” Because if there was no reason, it could happen to any of us — and that’s not a prospect we’re eager to confront.
Last edited by neardc; February 13,2012 at 5:53pm.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #2  February 12,2012, 10:19pm
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I can't read the article past page three without a membership.

The lustre has worn off the idea of a love of my life, since I've had long term relationships before. I'll be okay with that if my life provides other entertainment.

However, I do think of my grandparents and their zillion year commitment, and feel wistful. They were first loves for each other and it did last a lifetime.

I was able to observe my parents' marriage more closely, and, although it lasted until my father's death, I learned that it's not all roses. My mother has never felt the need to remarry though, and that tells me something I think is important. They were also first loves.

It would be nice to find someone I could live and love with until my time here is over. But now I know that's not a given.

If I did break up with my boyfriend, I'd just stop dating. I don't see the point if it doesn't last. Endings are kind of messy and life can be okay alone if you fill it with other things.
 
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ClaireH is offline ClaireH Post #3  February 12,2012, 10:23pm
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I do not consider it as a possibility - I am hopelessly romantic.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #4  February 12,2012, 10:27pm
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ClaireH wrote :
I do not consider it as a possibility - I am hopelessly romantic.
Much better attitude. Congratulations!
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #5  February 12,2012, 10:58pm
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Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

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harnomygirl wrote :
I can't read the article past page three without a membership.
If you don't wish to register on the site, you may be able to read the full story in this one-page version (i.e., if you can access it): Some people never find the love of their lives. And live to tell about it. - The Washington Post
 
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DaLocman is offline DaLocman Post #6  February 12,2012, 11:49pm
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I just remind myself that being alive is a gift in itself. Hopefully, we find people to share it with. Even if a person never marries, hopefully they find love.
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #7  February 13,2012, 6:32am
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Overall, I found the article to be soul-sucking and utterly depressing.

I think those that remain single may do so b/c we live in a society that believes there's a "the one."

Having been married (and now divorced), I can't truly say how it would feel to live in a perpetual state of singledom.

I liked the analogy used when Braitman went house hunting. She chose one that had "most of what she wanted." Similarly, when partnering, we (as in not a one of us) is going to find some'one' w/ all the qualities we seek. That doesn't mean we're settling, though many feel/think it is.

Finding someone with whom to share our lives is not for the faint of heart. You must be willing to put yourself out there, take the bad w/ the good and have what it takes to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and go at it again to be truly successful.

Following the house-hunting/buying analogy, it takes considerable effort; a house seldom finds its owner. And when you find one that has most of what you want, you commit to it before someone else does and must be willing to invest in/maintain it.
 
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dovegirl is offline dovegirl — Advice Member-Moderator Post #8  February 13,2012, 6:40am
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I think if I found myself single as I got older....the biggest fear I would have is that the older I got, the more help I might need. So, I would probably move somewhere to be closer to family/friends that would assist me if needed. But, then I would feel like a burden to them. Haha.

However, I don't know if I would mind that much being "single". And maybe that's because I haven't always been single, and I'm not single now so it's easier for me to say. But, I always enjoyed being single and never cared too much about what others thought of me. I see being "single" and being "alone" as two different things. I can be single, without a man, and not be alone, because I have lots of family and friends. So, being single is okay. But being alone is scary.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #9  February 13,2012, 10:22am
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dovegirl wrote :

But, I always enjoyed being single and never cared too much about what others
thought of me. I see being "single" and being "alone" as two different things. I
can be single, without a man, and not be alone, because I have lots of family
and friends. So, being single is okay.
Aye, the thought of being forever single doesn't scare me in the least. That said, I am happy to have met a partner who I feel complements and betters my life.
 
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eharmonyjc is offline eharmonyjc Post #10  February 13,2012, 11:51am
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I would imagine the answers to this might change depending on if the person has been previously married. I know that I definitely don't want to be single for years to come. I also want to have children but have no interest in doing the sperm donor thing. I think if I had been previously married and already had children, the idea of being single forever wouldn't be so scary, since I'd at least have my kids.
 
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