nightling is offline nightling Post #1  February 1,2012, 5:52pm
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I have a friend who is helping me on a project. Kind of a cute guy, but it came up not long after we had met the first time a while back that he has a wife.

Or does he?

This past weekend he told me that in fact he isn't married to her, and last year tried to end things with her. But he plans on staying with her until her kid is grown, even tho said child is not his own.

This to me is a pretty big head scratcher in many and several ways, but — assuming he's told the truth about not being married to her and that IS a pretty big assumption I admit but assuming so — guys, why on earth would you say you are married to someone if you are not?

Interested of course in any and all perspectives, but particularly males. Thanks.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  February 1,2012, 6:02pm
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Obvious reason is workplace or societal predjudice.

Another reason could be that the person values commitment by intent more than government validation.
 
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1Horselady is offline 1Horselady Post #3  February 1,2012, 8:09pm
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I think there is MORE to the story than he is telling you. He doesn't entirely trust you enough to tell you the WHOLE truth. Btw, why are you so interested in this guy's matrimonial affairs?(as in this is really none of your business)



Suzie
 
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singinggirl is online now singinggirl Post #4  February 1,2012, 8:32pm
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I would say there is probably more to the story than he has told you at this point. He may say that they are married so that he doesn't have to explain a potentially complicated relationship to casual acquaintances. He may also consider himself married if they live together, have been in a relationship for a long time, and are raising a child together (even if the kid isn't his).

Suzie, I'd say he made it Nightling's business by discussing it with her and revealing that he lied (?) to her previously about the status of his relationship.
 
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psgcooldog is online now psgcooldog Post #5  February 1,2012, 8:52pm
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nightling wrote :
I have a friend who is helping me on a project. Kind of a cute guy, but it came up not long after we had met the first time a while back that he has a wife.

Or does he?

This past weekend he told me that in fact he isn't married to her, and last year tried to end things with her. But he plans on staying with her until her kid is grown, even tho said child is not his own.

This to me is a pretty big head scratcher in many and several ways, but — assuming he's told the truth about not being married to her and that IS a pretty big assumption I admit but assuming so — guys, why on earth would you say you are married to someone if you are not?

Interested of course in any and all perspectives, but particularly males. Thanks.
In his situation, I could imagine speaking about her as "my wife", but then disclosing to closer friends that we were not legally married.

However, the fact that he disclosed to you that he "tried to end things with her" last year would make me wonder if he was interested in you, and perhaps looking to gauge your reaction to that little tidbit.

Much depends on context ...

((nightling))
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #6  February 2,2012, 4:05am
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Agree:
psgcooldog wrote :
In his situation, I could imagine speaking about her as "my wife", but then disclosing to closer friends that we were not legally married.
However, the fact that he disclosed to you that he "tried to end things with her" last year would make me wonder if he was interested in you, and perhaps looking to gauge your reaction to that little tidbit
Translation: I sense you're attracted to me. I'm involved with someone and plan to keep it that way, so be warned. However "things are shaky" so I'll give you some hope if you want to have a fling:
nightling wrote :
Kind of a cute guy
This past weekend he told me that in fact he isn't married to her, and last year tried to end things with her.
But he plans on staying with her until her kid is grown, even tho said child is not his own.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #7  February 2,2012, 4:36am
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nightling wrote :
I have a friend who is helping me on a project. Kind of a cute guy, but it came up not long after we had met the first time a while back that he has a wife.

Or does he?

This past weekend he told me that in fact he isn't married to her, and last year tried to end things with her. But he plans on staying with her until her kid is grown, even tho said child is not his own.

This to me is a pretty big head scratcher in many and several ways, but — assuming he's told the truth about not being married to her and that IS a pretty big assumption I admit but assuming so — guys, why on earth would you say you are married to someone if you are not?

Interested of course in any and all perspectives, but particularly males. Thanks.
he is dangling a carrot in front of you saying he is in a relationship he isn't happy in but at the same time is making it clear that he has no plans to end it.

Avoid unless you just want to sleep with someone who is in a relationship.
 
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #8  February 2,2012, 4:46am
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He's saying: 'I'm a sleazeball in a committed relationship that includes a child and I want to get into your pants whenever I feel like it but don't expect anything else from me'.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #9  February 2,2012, 5:05am
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and he could be saying he isn't married because he knows it's easier to get a woman to sleep with a man who is in a relationship compared to a married man.
 
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Reverse_Dragon is offline Reverse_Dragon Post #10  February 2,2012, 5:35am
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Ephemera wrote :
He's saying: 'I'm a sleazeball in a committed relationship that includes a child and I want to get into your pants whenever I feel like it but don't expect anything else from me'.
Agreed.

Whether he is married married, common law married, or just says he is married to not explain a complicated situation is irrelevant. He is telling you he is not available while trying to tell you he wouldn't mind a little action.
 
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