jimmyh452 is offline jimmyh452 Post #101  January 13,2012, 1:48pm
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I read two paragraphs of this idiocy before closing it. Men should not be expected to try to understand women in this way. This is an absurd justification for bad behavior by women.

The correct answer next time "nothing" comes up is to say "fine, when you're done acting like a two year old I'll come back from drinking with my friends. Bye".



alethea wrote :
I thought you might enjoy the link below. It is long, but the answer of what to do next time "nothing" happens (because you know it will) is in there for you (and for her - whomever that may turn out to be for you.).

Good luck with dating/finding the one.

Here is the link
Conscious Loving Relationships - Alison Armstrong - Understanding Women - Relationship Advice for Personal Growth and Self Awareness | Conscious Loving
 
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Lucid is offline Lucid Post #102  January 13,2012, 1:58pm
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lindseyk wrote :
I mostly agree with this, but if a woman just wants a man to listen and not provide any feedback, wouldn't it be simpler to tell him that, rather than assuming he'll just know he's not supposed say anything or try to 'fix' the situation? It only takes a second or two to say, "Honey, I just need to vent. I don't need you to fix it, I just need you to listen." There are a lot of ways to say that and any of them, provided they were said politely, not snappishly, would probably make things a lot easier for the guy than just, "Nothing," which could mean any number of things.

I'm kinda envying NotYet about now. Looks like hes got himself a good one.
 
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jimmyh452 is offline jimmyh452 Post #103  January 13,2012, 1:59pm
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Sorry but if women don't want solutions to their problems (an utterly incomprehensible idea to the logical male brain) then perhaps she shouldn't share her trivial, petty little hurt feelings stories with her man and instead, go have an ice cream party with her girlfriends.

Men are naturally problem solvers. It bothers us to see our women upset so we want to fix it and make her feel good again. I don't understand why women don't get this, but I can honestly say that as much as it annoys you to hear us try to fix your problem it annoys us 100 times more to listen to whine about your problem and not want help. This is one whole set of arguments that would totally go away if women just did their "sharing feelings" with their female friends and only talked to us about problems they actually wanted fixed.

Just a thought.

AndieIsMe wrote :
Sometimes nothing means nothing. Really.

Tango posted a while back about a girlfriend who berated him for trying to "solve" her problem rather than just listen to her. Maybe, just maybe, the nothing response would turn into a full fledged discussion if an idea or two about "solving" whatever was wrong didn't come out of the man's mouth.

Nothing wrong with throwing ideas out there. But, there are times when listening is much more important that providing feedback.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #104  January 13,2012, 2:25pm
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Maybe the door should swing both ways on this train of thought of yours, jimmy. Maybe men should also consider that sometimes listening is just what needs to be done. No problem solving. No ideas on how to improve a situation. Just listening.

When I want something "fixed" I ask for it to be fixed. A man who assumes my little complaints about the day means I want him to come up with solutions is assuming way too much. It also goes to say that if you don't want to hear our little "petty" complaints, don't ask.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #105  January 13,2012, 2:28pm
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lindseyk wrote :
I mostly agree with this, but if a woman just wants a man to listen and not provide any feedback, wouldn't it be simpler to tell him that, rather than assuming he'll just know he's not supposed say anything or try to 'fix' the situation? It only takes a second or two to say, "Honey, I just need to vent. I don't need you to fix it, I just need you to listen." There are a lot of ways to say that and any of them, provided they were said politely, not snappishly, would probably make things a lot easier for the guy than just, "Nothing," which could mean any number of things.
Which is precisely my point. Don't read so much into a single word. It seems to be given the value of the word love at times.
 
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lindseyk is offline lindseyk Post #106  January 13,2012, 6:28pm

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jimmyh452 wrote :
Sorry but if women don't want solutions to their problems (an utterly incomprehensible idea to the logical male brain) then perhaps she shouldn't share her trivial, petty little hurt feelings stories with her man and instead, go have an ice cream party with her girlfriends.

Men are naturally problem solvers. It bothers us to see our women upset so we want to fix it and make her feel good again. I don't understand why women don't get this, but I can honestly say that as much as it annoys you to hear us try to fix your problem it annoys us 100 times more to listen to whine about your problem and not want help. This is one whole set of arguments that would totally go away if women just did their "sharing feelings" with their female friends and only talked to us about problems they actually wanted fixed.

Just a thought.
So a woman should only ever mention something to her significant other if it's a problem she needs solved? That would not be much of a relationship, in my opinion. If that were the case, she'd never even be able to say that she had a horrible day and why. If it couldn't be fixed, it would be off-limits for conversation?

Her: "I snagged my nylons on a piece of loose vinyl on the bus seat today and wound up with a major run all the way up my leg - right before an important meeting with my boss and his boss. And I'm up for a promotion and need to look my best too."

Him: "Why are you telling me this? I can't fix that. Get some ice cream and go whine to the girls."

Her: "I'm not whining, I'm telling you about my day. It was a sort of funny, annoying thing to have happen."

Him: "It's not a problem, therefore it does not involve me. I only want to know what your problems are so I can fix them for you or discuss solutions. If it's just a story, tell the girls."

Her: "Right. Let me take my vat of Fudge Brownie Delight over to Susan's . . . sorry to bother you. "

Just because something isn't a problem that needs to be fixed doesn't mean it's petty, trivial, and solved just by diving headfirst into a trough of ice cream. Granted my example above is not particularly serious, but suppose a woman's mother or father died. There's no fixing that. Should she only ever show her emotions to her girlfriends? Would it be unfair to her man to cry on his shoulder, knowing that there would be absolutely nothing he could do to fix the grief and the loss of a loved one? There are so many situations like that. One would hope that a man would be able to just listen in situations like that and not tell a woman to run off and indulge in an ice cream cone with the girls and come home all better.

Even if it wasn't something as serious as a death in the family, sometimes people just need their significant other to listen - male or female. I consider myself blessed beyond measure to have someone who can do that and who doesn't consider the things I struggle with or need to vent about trivial and petty.
Last edited by lindseyk; January 13,2012 at 7:02pm.
 
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beccaf87 is offline beccaf87 Post #107  January 14,2012, 3:07pm
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I have only skimmed over some of the answers, so maybe someone else posted something similar.

I have been guilty of saying "nothing" when I have been upset. For me its not about wanting the guy to guess what I am thinking. I need to process how I am feeling before talking about it. If I were just to spit it out on the spot I may say something I regret. Also, sometimes once I have given it lots of time and thought I find that I am no longer upset. If I am still upset, then I will say something.

I have gotten better and now say that I am not ready to talk about it yet instead of "nothing".
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #108  January 14,2012, 8:36pm
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Edie Brickell-nothing.wmv - YouTube
 
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alethea is offline alethea Post #109  January 17,2012, 11:09pm
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jimmyh452 wrote :
I read two paragraphs of this idiocy before closing it.
I know...that is why I said it was long.

But since I like you and since you pride yourself on telling truth as it is (which is why I like you soooo much), I challenge you to listen to the following.

Don't give up at idiocy. Promise the only reason you give up is intellectual honesty. That I trust from you.

Now trust me, you won't be able to put her on pause because she is true.

Personal Life Media PodPlayer:

Whether it applies to you or me specially, that it applies generally is true and should be noted.

If you disagree, I would love to hear where and when you stopped her for her idiocy.
 
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RVAGirl72 is offline RVAGirl72 Post #110  February 22,2012, 9:24am
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Lucid wrote :
This is just a companion thread to the "WHY DO GUYS?" thread.

So can anyone explain to me why women never say what they're really thinking and expect us as men to read minds when we are hardly even out of the stoneage ourselves.

And please, once this particular question has been answered, not that women will ever say, please feel free to ask your own "Why don't women?!" question.

Have fun with this, its just a topic to throw around with speculation.
What cracks me up about this "classic question" is that often times we say specifically what we want but it falls on deaf ears!!

Great example, my best friend and her husband of 10 yrs were arguing recently about the amount of time he gets out of the house for work, working out, "guy time", etc., while she's at home with the kids, working her own full-time job, running kids to different sports or activities, etc. He often complains that the house is not clean enough and she's put on some weight in the years since they had their last child. He does have a job that requires him to travel a couple times a month, which is okay with her, but she wonders how he expects her to take care of two YOUNG children, work full-time, clean, workout, etc. and hold down the fort while he's gone with no help. He asked her, what do you want or need from me? She said, I need you to keep the kids so I can workout at least a couple nights a week for at least an hour when you aren't travelling, I need you to acknowledge I'm doing the best I can with the resources I have while you are gone, I would love to be surprised with flowers or a token of appreciation once in a while so I know I'm still thought of. None of these things have been done since this conversation a year ago!!

Another example?? He had business in an exotic location for 10 days recently. She said, the kids are going to miss you, send them an Edible Arrangements (something they enjoy and she has mentioned DOZENS of times wanting herself!) while you are way to give them something to enjoy so he sends the kids an Edible Arrangement. Yes, he listened to that part!! But sends her NOTHING except pictures of him diving and such during his downtime... Valentine's Day comes, she goes out of her way to dress up, take him to dinner and gives him this really nice golf thing he wanted. In return?? NOTHING despite her saying verbatim, I'd love an Edible Arrangements gift or massage gift certificate. Then he asks me why she expects him to read her mind when she is hurt by NOTHING at all!!

So sometimes it's said but not heard!! I never get why a guy asks but then doesn't listen when there is an actual, straight-forward answer!! I know some women do expect you to be a mind-reader but not all do but still fall into this category!
 
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