Advice on 2012 Resolutions?


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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #21  January 10,2012, 7:32pm
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mixing metaphors in a mellifluous melange of malapropisms

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i_remember wrote :
Resolution: Commit myself to finding a relationship where I feel comfortable in telling my partner "I love you".

Steps to accomplish this commitment:
1. No Long-Term Relationship Substitutes.
2. No Second Dates with Women I Can't See Myself Sharing a Future With.
3. Don't Fear Being "All In".
4. Clearly State My Goals to New Romantic Prospects.
5. Ring Fund by June.

Are there things you would add or remove from that list? Did I take some of these things too far or not far enough? If you walked into a guy's house and saw this posted on his refrigerador door would that freak you out?

For whatever reason putting these down on paper have given me greater clarity. Is that weird?
Is that weird? Not at all. I am a big journaler. I write stuff down to help get it out of my head, and just spill it all out onto paper. Sometimes I read it later and I can't believe that I wrote it. Other times, I can't believe that I am still worried about the exact same stuff, sometimes years later.

Having goals is great, and writing them down as a reminder is even better. But, I question #4 and 5 from your list.

4. Clearly State My Goals to New Romantic Prospects.
What does this mean? State how you want to be open to "love"? OK, that's important if you want to find a serious relationship. But the way you have it here in your list, it makes me think that you're going to try to fit "anyone" into that goal. The first woman you find who seems to fit what you think you want in a partner, well... let's find a way to make this work. I've been guilty of that myself lately. Going out with a guy who has a lot of what I'm looking for... except things like "attraction" or "chemistry" or "spark". It hasn't made me any happier thinking that I can shoehorn some guy into my life just because he "should be" a good match for me.

5. Ring Fund by June.
Not sure why this is on your list? Why fund a ring for a woman you may not have even met yet? I guess if you're just saving money, that's one thing, but please don't actually shop for a ring until you have a woman to seriously shop for!
Maybe replace "ring fund" with "save for the future with my partner". That could be for an engagement ring, a down payment on a house, a really nice wedding, real "grown up" furniture...

I think it's great that you are taking stock of your life and trying to get over the stuff that you feel has held you back in the past. It's so easy to say "Well, I wish things were different, but..." Then the excuses start. I'll do it when I have more time... It didn't work before so... What if I fail... and on and on. Change is hard, and sometimes it hardly seems worth it. But if it's what you really want, it is worth it.

Good luck in 2012!
 
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