Are you Christmas Compatible?


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_westendgirl_ is offline _westendgirl_ Post #11  December 23,2011, 11:24am
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I love the holidays. I grew up in a big family. It's cliche to say but we didn't have very much but the knowledge that our parents loved us and did everything they could to make things great. We did Midnight Mass which was always very special and in the European Tradition would have a big feast when we came home. My parents had a 3 gift rule. 1 gift to play with, 1 gift to wear and 1 gift to learn/use (puzzle, bike, toboggan etc). As we got older my parents told us very plainly how much Christmas cost and we sat down and as a family figured out how to make it easier on our parents. From that point on we exchanged names, dropped the big feast (we ended up not eating it half the time anyways from excitement) and went to a Christmas morning brunch.

As an adult and a mom, I try to stick to the three gift rule my parents had. I have added in the Christmas Stocking tradition (the Dutch do not have this tradition) so my son does get some little gifts as well. And for me - I have only been in a relationship during the holiday season once since being on my own. I am used to not having a gift under the tree and that's okay.

Last year I was in a relationship. I discovered as December drew near that we were incompatible for the holidays. He hated everything about the holidays. Hated spending money on his two little boys, whined about the gift he gave me, whined about time with his family. It was exhausting. The relationship didn't last much longer after New Year's. For me what I learned is that generosity is from the spirit - it is not about the wallet.
 
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moonette is offline moonette Post #12  December 23,2011, 12:02pm
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_westendgirl_ wrote :
For me what I learned is that generosity is from the spirit - it is not about the wallet.
Yes.
 
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bonzi is offline bonzi Post #13  December 23,2011, 1:00pm
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LDJ wrote:

How many find it overwhelming, daunting, maybe resentful of the demands on time, finances, emotions etc??? If you're in the latter group, how do you manage that? Do you put on a happy face and pretend until it passes?


Yep. Right on the money for me. Xanax. Fake it.
 
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Ingytravel is online now Ingytravel Post #14  December 23,2011, 1:40pm
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I love the holidays!!...

Starting from Halloween to New Years....I love the fall weather...crisp air...falling leaves....first snow...

All the wonderful parties, house gatherings, game nights, seeing family and friends...

As well as the blessings of Christmas and my church services...Our pastor is so great that he can make you laugh out loud and have wonderful thoughts and things to ponder for the week.

I love volunteering this time of year as even if I don't have much myself...there are always those worse off than I. From serving food in shelters, collecting toys and delivering to the children in the hospital with cancer and other illnesses, to sending care packages to the troops still overseas.

I had great fun finishing my shopping this morning at 5am...had the stores to myself

It's just an all around great time of year....I agree with you LDJ...I don't think I could be with someone who was all grumpy and miserable for these months and who doesn't know how to have fun, even when things get busy. My partners have always shared the joy I feel...

Interesting topic!!
Last edited by Ingytravel; December 23,2011 at 1:49pm.
 
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alethea is online now alethea Post #15  December 23,2011, 4:43pm
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I have always enjoyed Christmas Eve with my immediate family. Christmas day, not so much. It always seemed like more a chore than fun. A couple years ago I worked up the nerve to tell my mom that I wanted to do my own thing for Christmas Day. I have always been single so I had no reason not to spend Christmas day with my family. So one year, I had a whole speech planned about how single people need to have their own traditions too. When it did finally come up, it was no big deal to my mom, she understood.

And that Christmas day, I spent by myself downloading all my music onto my ipod that I bought myself. Had a wonderful time doing it too. Later, I went for a walk with my newly transportable music checking out the Christmas lights in the neighborhood and discovered a really great Indian food place. It was wonderful.

I spoke to my little brother a few days later, and he told me he had had the most fun on that Christmas day than any other. So the Christmas I don't go, is the one that was the most fun.

How's that for funny karma?

This year, my bf is flying in, my sister will be home and a friend will be staying with me. So we will all spend Christmas Eve with my family and then Christmas morn with me (I even left a message with my neighbor to see if he wanted to join for breakfast). And I plan on cooking. This shall be interesting... (Later my boyfriend and my sister will be back at my parents' house)

As for compatibility, I think the trick is as someone else said to find your own traditions. Find the way that will bring the most joy to both people. The joy is what it ultimately all about. Yes?
 
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tink333 is online now tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #16  December 23,2011, 9:59pm
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I love the Christmas season. I enjoy everything about it, and I enjoy spending special time as a family. I don't live near my parents and siblings and get to see them only about once a year, but with our family, that's about enough. I have to take them in small doses. If you knew my family, you'd understand.

As a family, we put up our tree and decorate the inside of the house, and we generally don't decorate the outside since physically I am limited in what I can do to help put up lights, etc. We hang a wreath on the door, and that's about it. The manger is a pretty important part of our decoration because we do try to keep the celebration about Jesus and not about Santa and the gifts.

The family Christmas I look forward to is the one with my married family - my new husband (JediSoth) and his family and my 23-year-old daughter. We exchange presents on Christmas Eve and everyone brings something to contribute to the meal so it's not too demanding on the person hosting, and this year we went to a special Christmas service on the 23rd (tonight) in which the young children put on a Christmas 'pageant' telling the story of Jesus' birth. Afterward there was a time for socializing and snacking, and we had a very nice time.

One of the traditions I began five years ago is that we make a gingerbread house and decorate it. It's not a box-made house, rather homemade - from scratch, and we made modeling chocolate and found all sorts of candies to use for decorations. It's a project I truly enjoy because we bond as a family, and each person gets to add their creative touch to the project. (the stupid system won't let me upload a picture, or I'd show it to you )This is the first year we did the house with Jedi's family, and it was extra special and more fun than last year's when my grand kids elbowed each other and bickered over what part of the house they wanted to decorate. I'm not a person who handles conflict well.


Usually I make gifts for a lot of the people on our list, but I try not to let it overwhelm me. This year the men are receiving homemade knitted hats and scarves. Last year the women received hand-painted hurricane shades and battery powered pillar candles. When gifting, I try to chose or make something that is relevant to the person who is receiving it.

I'm blessed that my hubby loves cooking, family and the holidays as much as I do. I don't think I could be with someone who was grumpy or anti-social around the holidays.

@_westendgirl_ I like the idea of the 3 gift limit.
Last edited by tink333; December 23,2011 at 10:18pm.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #17  December 24,2011, 1:35pm
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LDJ wrote :
Secondly, what does everyone have to share about navigating a new relationship at this time of year? Any awesome good or not so good stories about trying to mesh differing traditions, or understand a new partner's traditions or perspective on this time of year? Do you think in LTRs this season brings people closer or causes more friction between couples?

It has been easy for me.

Since I am unemcumbered by tradition, I have tended to mesh well with whatever a partner wants to do, with only limited exceptions that have not presented noteworthy difficulty: I have not been able to miss work, since it has always been the case that I was too late to get days around holidays off (others having already claimed them), and I do not participate in theological events or practices. I had one point of friction with my first partner, whose father made referance to an "adults table" and a "child's table;" his daughter may well be a generation different than him, but since I am his equal then when she is with me she will be treated accordingly - and I made that clear.

My advice, is to let the first year be designed by the person with the stronger attachment to their practices, then let the other plan the second year. It's the path of least resistance, it's fair (enough), and if there is a second year you have at least a year together.
 
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blakehoo is offline blakehoo Post #18  December 24,2011, 2:44pm
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Thank you! L D J

I've been baking all day ...mainly Chex mix.
& catching up on forums on my cellphone.

Your post reminded me of a first Christmas spent being yelled at ...for not hanging lights the way her father had done them. Oh and I hadn't plugged in my own lights, yet today either.

Merry Christmas!
 
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