Should I leave the US for dating


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lakecreek is offline lakecreek Post #1  December 11,2011, 4:47pm
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I met this girl online about 4 days ago and we seem to kick it off well the first day, and I'm thinking this might turn into a first possible relationship. I was willing to make any move I had to do to keep things strong. But after the first conversation things began to die it seems. Today I asked you want to share some photos so I did. Then I asked about her photos then she said later and then logged off. It's like what the heck, did I get played or what. Some I'm beginning to hate being Indian even I'm mixed with some Salvadorian, I feel I'm being judged. Maybe if I was a white guy, the whole ballgame would change and be able to get women easier. Confidence I have confidence but how can I keep it when no one will ever give me a shot. Am I ugly? I must very well be.

Sometime I think I should just give up my born US citizenship and move to Indian and maybe I'll be happier there. I just have to learn the Indian language.
Last edited by lakecreek; December 19,2011 at 6:50pm.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  December 11,2011, 5:23pm
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How did you meet this girl online? Was it through a reputable dating site?

When you say you are Indian and Salvadoran I am presuming you mean Indian of Central America and not of India?

I used to know a Peruvian Indian and he had no problems getting the girls. I am sure that his success had to do with his attitude and personality and had nothing to do with his ethnicity. I suspect that you are trying too hard.
 
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lakecreek is offline lakecreek Post #3  December 11,2011, 5:36pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
How did you meet this girl online? Was it through a reputable dating site?

When you say you are Indian and Salvadoran I am presuming you mean Indian of Central America and not of India?

I used to know a Peruvian Indian and he had no problems getting the girls. I am sure that his success had to do with his attitude and personality and had nothing to do with his ethnicity. I suspect that you are trying too hard.
Adult Match Doctor is where I met her. It's mainly a sex site but it does give the option to look for a LTR. I'm not looking for sex but rather a meaningful relationship. I mean Indian like from Asia, as my picture shows.
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  December 11,2011, 5:39pm
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You don't look frightening or anything, but that isn't a very appealing photo. You look mean or upset. It's obviously taken by a cell phone or maybe even a web cam. If you are going to take photos like that then you need to either use the timer or take them where it's better positioned.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  December 11,2011, 5:40pm
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lakecreek wrote :
Adult Match Doctor is where I met her. It's mainly a sex site but it does give the option to look for a LTR. I'm not looking for sex but rather a meaningful relationship.
May I suggest not using that site any more. If one option is to look for hook-ups or sex only relationships, then that will be the majority of people on the site.

You need to move to Match or eH or OKC.
 
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Christine_ is offline Christine_ Post #6  December 11,2011, 6:03pm
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I agree that it's not a good photo. It looks like you might be attractive, but the photo is almost angry and aggressive. It's actually a scary photo.

Get a friend to take some new photos. Smiling, happy-with-life photos. What you write in your profile text will matter just as much.

If a site is primarily geared towards finding sex hook-ups, that's not the site where you will find a relationship (it could happen, but it's a long shot). It's also a site that will attract a lot of scammers. For a relationship, you need to get on more serious dating sites.
 
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lakecreek is offline lakecreek Post #7  December 11,2011, 7:05pm
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When I looked at my photo I do look a little angry looking. I discovered my digital camera has auto timer thing I can use. From your guys replies and don't seem its my physical appearance but rather my facial expression. I mention India because I figure we have the same background and it might work out better then maybe not. I would hate to spend a whole heap of money for going over there and still be unsuccessful.

I have tried Plenty of Fish for about 4 months and I wrote to several girls and I never heard one single message back. Maybe because I never posted a profile picture. I feel I'm not attractive guy so I never posted any pictures. Online dating is too competitive for me, I definitely will not succeed there if I have not in person. In person is hard too because I don't know where I can meet girls. I attend a community college but nothing in the past 2 years there. I just don't know how to tell a woman straight forward that I want a date (and not a friendly hangout) and looking for a relationship without the feeling of awkwardness. I have no dating experience and as I get older, its becoming harder to know how to date and even how to get a date. In 5 more years I will be 30 years old and if I don't know anything about dating I can pretty much forget it.

In a way I hope a woman will approach me because I really don't know anything how to ask a girl out with the correct choice of words. I don't know what to say and how to say it straight forward.
Last edited by lakecreek; December 11,2011 at 7:42pm.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #8  December 11,2011, 7:31pm
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Wait! Whoa! You are thinking about going to India?

I think you just need to learn to present yourself differently, online.

First, good photos and a well written profiles will help. Second, get off the sex sites! Those are just breeding grounds for scammers and people who are out to hurt you, not to find a lasting relationship. Even Plenty of Fish would be a better place for you to search for someone. Though, you will have some of those same scammers and players on there as well.

You did not get "played". She just wasn't interested after seeing you photo. It happens. Move on. Do not take the actions of another so personally. To them you are just pictures and words on their computer screen, not a living breathing human being.
 
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lakecreek is offline lakecreek Post #9  December 11,2011, 8:06pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
Wait! Whoa! You are thinking about going to India?

I think you just need to learn to present yourself differently, online.

First, good photos and a well written profiles will help. Second, get off the sex sites! Those are just breeding grounds for scammers and people who are out to hurt you, not to find a lasting relationship. Even Plenty of Fish would be a better place for you to search for someone. Though, you will have some of those same scammers and players on there as well.



You did not get "played". She just wasn't interested after seeing you photo. It happens. Move on. Do not take the actions of another so personally. To them you are just pictures and words on their computer screen, not a living breathing human being.

I sent her the photo I posted here maybe it was my expression. But then who knows maybe it was not even a woman could been a man. I never seen photos of this person so I don't even know who this person is. Yes, I'm really thinking India might be a good place for me to find a relationship, I just feel American women does not like me so I have to go else where to find that person. I really don't want to leave the US but if that is the only way to find someone I might have to.
 
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tink333 is online now tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #10  December 11,2011, 8:40pm
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lakecreek wrote :
When I looked at my photo I do look a little angry looking. I discovered my digital camera has auto timer thing I can use. From your guys replies and don't seem its my physical appearance but rather my facial expression. I mention India because I figure we have the same background and it might work out better then maybe not. I would hate to spend a whole heap of money for going over there and still be unsuccessful.

I have tried Plenty of Fish for about 4 months and I wrote to several girls and I never heard one single message back. Maybe because I never posted a profile picture. I feel I'm not attractive guy so I never posted any pictures. Online dating is too competitive for me, I definitely will not succeed there if I have not in person. In person is hard too because I don't know where I can meet girls. I attend a community college but nothing in the past 2 years there. I just don't know how to tell a woman straight forward that I want a date (and not a friendly hangout) and looking for a relationship without the feeling of awkwardness. I have no dating experience and as I get older, its becoming harder to know how to date and even how to get a date. In 5 more years I will be 30 years old and if I don't know anything about dating I can pretty much forget it.

In a way I hope a woman will approach me because I really don't know anything how to ask a girl out with the correct choice of words. I don't know what to say and how to say it straight forward.
After reading your last update, several things come to mind:

1) You definitely need to post a few good pictures in order to have realistic expectations of having women respond to your profiles. If you were to join eHarmony, for instance, they give you some very good guidelines about what types of pictures are the best for a profile. I'm sure that Match and other LTR-oriented sites will also have guidelines or suggestions about posting pictures. I know I never responded to a man who did not take the time to post a picture of himself. Writing a profile that will catch a woman's eye is also important. There is a forum on this site where people post their profiles and ask others for help in fine-tuning or just to get general feedback. You should consider posting your profile so people can help you make it one that a woman would be more likely to respond to.

2) I don't think moving to India will be the answer for you. You mention in several places you don't have much experience dating and don't have much confidence to ask a woman out. I think your lack of experience is more the issue vs. your present geographical location, and I think that internet dating adds a whole new dimension to the dating process.

3) Find resources to help you with your confidence and that help you connect with women. If you understand how they connect, you might be able to find a way to connect with them. There are articles on this site such as this one that might be a good start (When She 'Likes You' But Doesn)
and there is a section with dating tips for men: Dating Tips For Men on eHarmony Advice
I don't know how helpful you'll find either of these, but they are a first step in finding resources to help you in the world of online dating.

4) Not every match leads to a date or a relationship. Depending on the dating site, the ratio of men to women may be such that there are women have a lot of men pursuing them vs. the other way around. Don't become discouraged if you initiate communication with a match and she doesn't respond. It doesn't mean that you are undesirable. It may mean that the woman has a lot of matches and she is screening/prioritizing, or it may mean that you are not a good match for that person. It can sometimes take many matches before you go out on the first meeting, and it may take many more matches before you find someone you want to consider for a LTR.

5) Be patient. If you view your situation as one in which there is a timer running out, women will pick up on that, and they won't respond favorably.

Most importantly, don't give up.
 
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