A Life of Quiet Desperation


View Poll Results: Is it wrong for me to feel this way? Is there something wrong with me?
No, it's normal. 2 14.29%
Yes, you need to see a therapist. 12 85.71%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 14. You may not vote on this poll

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BGood is offline BGood Post #1  December 9,2011, 11:05pm
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is looking for answers in a confusing world.

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Something is bothering me. I don't feel fulfilled in my life. My life seems empty and meaningless. I have felt this way for many years. Something happened yesterday that emphasized my feelings of despair.

About an hour after I arrived at work, I was called into my boss's office along with two of my coworkers. No, we were not fired. My boss wanted to inform us that one of the assistant managers was leaving. We were told that her last day was tomorrow. The news hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt as if a part of my heart had been ripped out. Since I was not scheduled to work that day, it meant that I would not see her again after the day that we were given the news. It happened so suddenly. My boss told us that she was not supposed to leave until next month. There was a change of plans because she was needed elsewhere. I had no idea that she was leaving at all. I was deeply saddened by the news.

A few minutes later the three of us walked out of the office. Standing just outside was the assistant manager who would soon be leaving our workplace. My two coworkers said goodbye and wished her well. One of them thanked her for hiring her. Neither one of them seemed to be very sad. They were recent hires and had not spent much time working with her. They were also both women and didn't have a crush on her as I did.

After that I asked her about why she was leaving. She told me that another store needed her more than we did and they needed her right away. She also told me that she was one of two people in line to be promoted to manager of their own store. She smiled as she spoke to me about it. What a beautiful smile it was. That made me feel even worse. I knew that I would never see or speak to this pretty lady again.

I had worked with her for about nine or ten months. That may not seem like a lot of time, but it's long enough to become attached to someone. I certainly became attached to her. That's why it hurt so much when I heard the news of her pending departure. There was no question that I had a crush on her. I still do. Feelings that strong don't just go away.

She was an absolute pleasure to work with. Being an assistant manager meant that she was my boss. She didn't really act like a boss. She was more like a friend who asked me very politely to do things. I loved the sound of her voice. It was lilting and very feminine. Sometimes I would ask her questions just to hear her speak. She usually smiled and made eye contact when she spoke. She was a very positive person.

I loved going to work. She was not always there because of scheduling differences. I was always happy when she was there. She would always smile at me and say hello when I arrived at work. When she left for the day, she would always say goodbye. She was very friendly and a delight to be around. She was the kind of person who could light up a room. She was beautiful, intelligent and had a great personality. She had the face of an angel and the body of a dancer. She always conducted herself with class and grace. I will really miss her.

I found it very difficult to hide my emotions after hearing the news. I started to tear up. I was able to stop myself from crying, but it was not easy. The tears were relentless. I grabbed a paper towel and dabbed my eyes with it. I had to do this a few more times within a span of an hour. I made sure that she was not looking at me when I did it. I didn't want her to see me crying. Surely an intelligent woman like herself would be able to figure out the reason why I was sad.

It wasn't just about pride or fear of embarrassment. I didn't want to creep her out. I never told her how I felt about her and did not want her to find out. It was an unrequited love. She already had a boyfriend and she was 13 years younger than I. I think that she may have suspected that I had feelings for her. I saw a little something extra in her eyes when she would look at me. It was as if she was saying I know and it's okay. She would always smile when she looked at me.

When I saw her put on her coat later that day, I knew that it was time for the final goodbye. I walked over to her and shook her hand. I told her that it was nice working with her. I also wished her well and good luck. She smiled at me, said thank you and then left. Watching her walk away was the most difficult part. After she walked out of the building, I ran over to a nearby window. I stood there looking through the glass at her as she walked down the street. I kept watching her until she was out of sight. I knew that I would never see her again. I started to tear up again. I grabbed another paper towel and dabbed my eyes with it.

When I got home that night I did cry, a lot. I felt very sad. From the moment I first saw her, I knew that there was something special about her. She seemed to have a warm glow. She had a calming and soothing effect on me. Being around this lovely lady made my life more bearable. I fed off of her positive energy. It made me feel stronger. I knew that we would never be a couple, but somehow being around her was enough to get me through the day. It also gave me a glimpse into the world of love and what having a girlfriend or wife might be like. It made me want to find my own lady love. The assistant manager's departure was a reminder of how empty and pathetic my life is.

I feel so alone. I only have a few friends and no lady love. I'm 39 years old. I want to find my soul mate soon. I don't want to die without feeling a woman's love and her gentle touch. Any advice would be welcomed and appreciated.

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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #2  December 10,2011, 1:59am
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You'll have a much better chance of finding your own girlfriend, with this work fantasy out of sight, out of mind.

Being this preoccupied with a co-worker has prevented you from forming a real relationship...Now is your chance...Good Luck..
BGood wrote :
She had the face of an angel and the body of a dancer.

It was an unrequited love. She already had a boyfriend

what having a girlfriend or wife might be like. It made me want to find my own lady love

I'm 39 years old. I want to find my soul mate
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #3  December 10,2011, 4:08am
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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I voted "you need a therapist" - not to be mean, but because what you are experiencing - the inability to control your emotions in day-to-day life, your feelings of despair, emptyness, and meaningless-ness even before this 'event' - are symptoms of severe depression ...possibly clinical despression, a product of your brain producing too much saratonin, which can be treated with psychopharmaceuticals (under the supervision of a therapist and a physician).

Seriously, dude, you may not want to admit it, but you need to get help.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #4  December 10,2011, 5:54am
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Hi bgood! I think about 98 percent of the population needs therapy, so that kinda goes without saying with me... its why I never really recommend it.

i think you grew so attached to her becuase of how she treated you and thats not your general experience in the world, right? it was wise of you to not inform her of how you felt. i think that you should work on cultivating relationships with people, but not out of your neediness for affirmation. my gut tells me thats why youre having difficulty in relationships. somethings missing for you in that area, and until you address it, its going to drive all that you do.

i really am completely against things like meds unless you really need them, because people seem to pop pills like candy, and it seems like its simply another way to avoid dealing with the real problems. definitely find someone that you can talk to to work things through
 
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Ingytravel is online now Ingytravel Post #5  December 10,2011, 7:45am
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Agree with the posters above...

I would also add...if the avatar photo you have is of a child of yours...I would change that immediately as it's not safe to have pictures of your kids on the internet, especially on a site that is open to everyone around the world. As well as this is a dating website message board so asking questions about dating with a photo of your child as the lead is a bit off...

If that is a picture of you when you were a child...that actually is another reason to go for therapy as it's telling that you still think of yourself in terms of being a child...

Just some thoughts...
 
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LoveComes1st is offline LoveComes1st Post #6  December 10,2011, 7:54am
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BGood wrote :
I feel so alone. I only have a few friends and no lady love. I'm 39 years old. I want to find my soul mate soon. I don't want to die without feeling a woman's love and her gentle touch. Any advice would be welcomed and appreciated. Thanks
What steps are you taking to find your soul mate? I believe that some people are meant to cross our path in life so we can learn from each other. This woman has likely shown you what type of woman you may be seeking for example?

I've gone thru an unrequited love situation and it is painful. Funny thing is my Myers Brigg type is INFP (one of the rarer types) and that's mentioned as happening more to my personality type which is introverted and feeling.

I don't think you need to see a therapist at this point unless you fall into some deep depression. You seem realistic about the situation which is also good. And given how it came as a shock it sounds like you handled it quite well given the circumstances. It's great that you've reached out on these boards because just talking about the situation will help you heal.
Last edited by LoveComes1st; December 10,2011 at 7:56am.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  December 10,2011, 9:04am
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You definitely need to speak to someone about the way you feel. The depression, despair, overly attached to a manager, etc, are not things people feel in their everyday lives. You have some issues to work through, in general, not specific to this situation.

You do need to speak to a therapist or counselor before you fall into a deep depression. Not doing so could be disastrous. Unfortunately, too many people don't speak to someone early enough and it means a longer time climbing out of that hole they feel they are in.
 
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Ingytravel is online now Ingytravel Post #8  December 10,2011, 9:18am
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LoveComes1st wrote :
What steps are you taking to find your soul mate? I believe that some people are meant to cross our path in life so we can learn from each other. This woman has likely shown you what type of woman you may be seeking for example?

I've gone thru an unrequited love situation and it is painful. Funny thing is my Myers Brigg type is INFP (one of the rarer types) and that's mentioned as happening more to my personality type which is introverted and feeling.

I don't think you need to see a therapist at this point unless you fall into some deep depression. You seem realistic about the situation which is also good. And given how it came as a shock it sounds like you handled it quite well given the circumstances. It's great that you've reached out on these boards because just talking about the situation will help you heal.
How is he being 'realistic' by breaking down emotionally over someone with whom he barely knows? This a co-worker....plain and simple...not a person he dated or with whom he had a relationship...

It's also not a good idea at all to base what he should seek in a future relationship on someone with whom he was merely an acquaintance. He has no clue what this woman is really like....

Simple chit chat about work....a possible lunch here and there....anyone can seem 'great' under these circumstances....

This man says his life is empty and meaningless....he feels unfulfilled....He spent all these months fantasizing about this woman...

Counseling seems very appropriate to help this man get back on track to find meaning in his own life without basing it on a stranger. As well as learning more about what healthy love usually entails in an actual relationship...
 
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suzyque is online now suzyque Post #9  December 10,2011, 9:47am
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Ingytravel wrote :
Agree with the posters above...

I would also add...if the avatar photo you have is of a child of yours...I would change that immediately as it's not safe to have pictures of your kids on the internet, especially on a site that is open to everyone around the world. As well as this is a dating website message board so asking questions about dating with a photo of your child as the lead is a bit off...

If that is a picture of you when you were a child...that actually is another reason to go for therapy as it's telling that you still think of yourself in terms of being a child...

Just some thoughts...
Side note:

He'll probably respond but if he doesn't...I do remember him saying a while back that this was his photo of himself when he was happiest - this photo is of him as a child.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #10  December 10,2011, 10:40am
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You should seek out therapy. You're still miles ahead of many with clinical depression. You can maintain appearances well enough to hold a job. You mourned for your fantasy lover, but at least you suspected it wasn't real and sharable.

I've had close relationships with people suffering from clinical depression. If you have the strength to speak to a therapist now as everyone before me has suggested, you can avoid falling all the way to the bottom, and perhaps never being able to climb out. Once you lose the ability to hold a job, and lose daily contact with others who model normal behavior, it can become much more difficult.

I'm sorry for what you're going through, and wish you all the best.
 
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