A Life of Quiet Desperation


View Poll Results: Is it wrong for me to feel this way? Is there something wrong with me?
No, it's normal. 2 14.29%
Yes, you need to see a therapist. 12 85.71%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 14. You may not vote on this poll

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LoveComes1st is offline LoveComes1st Post #31  December 11,2011, 8:11am
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What do you think about trying to build a social network and make new friends as another avenue to follow? Also regular physical exercise may improve your outlook.

Some ideas to build your social network and get you busy participating in life (to ease loneliness you're feeling):
1) Join a church and participate in church related activities
2) Join a volunteer club or organization which appeals to your interests/skills (e.g., Rotary, Animal Shelter/Humane Society, Habitat for Humanity, United Way, etc.)
3) Join meetup groups which have appealing social activities for you (e.g., hiking, restaurants, biking, etc.)
4) Online gaming may allow you to make online friends?
5) Join intramural sports teams such as bowling, softball, dodgeball, volleyball, etc.


Why not at least talk to your medical doctor about your situation and see if he can give you some pointers or refer you to lowcost counseling? And if he or mental health expert suggests antidepressants might help maybe you can ask about herbal supplement alternatives if you're uncomfortable with the drug aspect?
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #32  December 11,2011, 9:14am
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LoveComes1st wrote :
What do you think about trying to build a social network and make new friends as another avenue to follow? Also regular physical exercise may improve your outlook.

Some ideas to build your social network and get you busy participating in life (to ease loneliness you're feeling):
1) Join a church and participate in church related activities
2) Join a volunteer club or organization which appeals to your interests/skills (e.g., Rotary, Animal Shelter/Humane Society, Habitat for Humanity, United Way, etc.)
3) Join meetup groups which have appealing social activities for you (e.g., hiking, restaurants, biking, etc.)
4) Online gaming may allow you to make online friends?
5) Join intramural sports teams such as bowling, softball, dodgeball, volleyball, etc.


Why not at least talk to your medical doctor about your situation and see if he can give you some pointers or refer you to lowcost counseling? And if he or mental health expert suggests antidepressants might help maybe you can ask about herbal supplement alternatives if you're uncomfortable with the drug aspect?
While the rest are great ideas, online gaming is highly addicting to some and can perpetuate the situation. Most online games, while you can play in groups, are solitary and you are alone most of the time. You focus your attention on a computer screen rather than a real person. Not a good idea for someone who is already in a dark place in their life.
 
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ShadowChaser is offline ShadowChaser Post #33  December 11,2011, 9:54am
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AndieIsMe wrote :
While the rest are great ideas, online gaming is highly addicting to some and can perpetuate the situation. Most online games, while you can play in groups, are solitary and you are alone most of the time. You focus your attention on a computer screen rather than a real person. Not a good idea for someone who is already in a dark place in their life.

I agree completely with this. I've done internet gaming off and on in various forms since my late teens (early 30's now). Very few games have significant social interaction.

About the only times they do are when you have a team set up to play together, which generally requires you to already know the people you're playing with.

Even setting aside the addictive possibilities, it's just not an effective way to meet anyone.
 
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Ingytravel is online now Ingytravel Post #34  December 11,2011, 10:50am
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Agree with the posts above about the 'gaming'...Especially since the OP already mentioned they spend so much time with the 'naked female' sites already...More online 'impersonal' interaction would not help his situation.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #35  December 12,2011, 10:00am
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BGood wrote :
My opinion of women has evolved over the last few years. Please don't bring up the past. It's not healthy to dwell on the past or hold a grudge. I don't hate you and I don't hate women. Please don't hate me.

Anything negative that I have posted came from emotional pain, not hate. I'm really hurting right now. Please understand and be gentle with me. Okay?
Hi Bgood. I'm sorry to hear about the pain you are in right now. i'm concerned for you though, because it's been 4 years and it doesn't seem as if your life has improved very much, and you don't seem to ahve any plans in place to make it better.

If get that you are against therapy, but would you consider reading a book by a therapist? 'Feeling Good' by Dr. David Burns may be helpful to you. A lot of your thoughts could use an overhaul- I think you would be happier if you could manage that. Wishing you the best.
 
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tink333 is online now tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #36  December 12,2011, 12:32pm
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So Bruce, based on this post: http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/of...urrogates.html (Sex Surrogates) you sound perfectly willing to obtain therapy for this issue; however, you're not interested in and state you can't afford even low cost or group therapy that might help you rise from your deep depression? I am more than a little confused.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #37  December 12,2011, 1:00pm
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I think some people have to realize that some depressed people do everything in their power to stay that way. Why? I'm not sure. Anything they can find to be upset about will be found. If they get "too happy" there is something wrong. What? I'm not sure.

Maybe it's attention seeking. The "woe is me" syndrome? Maybe it's that they are afraid of being happy, because being happy means the world isn't as bad as they thought and they actually can accomplish things in life.
 
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livinagin is offline livinagin Post #38  December 12,2011, 1:29pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
I think some people have to realize that some depressed people do everything in their power to stay that way. Why? I'm not sure. Anything they can find to be upset about will be found. If they get "too happy" there is something wrong. What? I'm not sure.

Maybe it's attention seeking. The "woe is me" syndrome? Maybe it's that they are afraid of being happy, because being happy means the world isn't as bad as they thought and they actually can accomplish things in life.
I think it is a little of all these things. I can speak from experience about how much counseling and medication helped me climb out of the hole. The Op does not need our approval or attention. He simply needs to recognize that things have not changed. And, therefore, whether he knows it or not, doing the same thing over and over and expecting something different is, well, not going anywhere fast.

Do not make the promise to us. Make that promise to yourself to get help. Quit throwing up the barriers and get to work!
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #39  December 12,2011, 1:31pm
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FairOne wrote :
'Feeling Good' by Dr. David Burns may be helpful to you. A lot of your thoughts could use an overhaul- I think you would be happier if you could manage that. Wishing you the best.
Excellent suggestion if he's not willing to go as far as therapy which 90% in the poll feel would really, really help. If you get that book I strongly suggest the companion workbook. I have seen improvement from people who do that. No so much from those who read the text without applying the advice to their own lives.

There's another book, Intimate Connections, by the same author focused on getting dates which is a great follow-up.
Last edited by shapeShifter79; December 12,2011 at 1:36pm.
 
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