Angelkrista is offline Angelkrista Post #11  December 9,2011, 10:41am
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harnomygirl wrote :
I think it could affect the way others perceived your actions. You might not treat George badly, but you might not be as enthusiastic as he expected. If he is the sort of person who bases his opinion of you on surface perception, then he might decide that the relationship must be over.

That's no loss.

If you do act exactly the same way regardless of personal circumstance you run the risk of never finding anyone who is sensitive to your needs. You won't seem to have any.

My actions are generally a reflection of who I am at the moment. They don't hide who I am from people who care, and that is new for me.
I'm not saying someone need not let anything affect them, I'm just saying that the things that do are a statement unto themselves.

*And oh gosh, I'm so sorry! I'm starting to get the feeling that I don't communicate well. "George" (as in "george in town this week, lady?") was what my late boss used to call a womans monthly... (kinda crass I know, but he was a greek immigrant and had very little filter) *
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #12  December 9,2011, 10:58am
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Angelkrista wrote :
I'm not saying someone need not let anything affect them, I'm just saying that the things that do are a statement unto themselves.

*And oh gosh, I'm so sorry! I'm starting to get the feeling that I don't communicate well. "George" (as in "george in town this week, lady?") was what my late boss used to call a womans monthly... (kinda crass I know, but he was a greek immigrant and had very little filter) *
(I wasn't sure about george.)

I spent many years being appropriate, no matter what, and I just don't want to have to do that again in order for people to decide I'm a good person.

I think this post hit a hot button so I'll probably keep misinterpreting it as it evolves. I'd like my actions to reflect who I am or want to be, not who I think I should be. I also want the people I interact with to cut me lots of slack. I do it for them.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #13  December 9,2011, 11:18am
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Angelkrista wrote :
Do you feel your actions are a statement or accurate reflection of you personally?
I agree with "statement" but disagree with "accurate reflection".

harmonygirl wrote :
Even the way you excuse yourself to the restroom can have more to do with the temporary state of your digestive health due to your last meal than anything else.
It's then a statement of your body's digestive health. Your body is at least part of, and perhaps all of, who you are. However, an observer unaware of your digestive problems may draw inaccurate conclusions about the manner, frequency, or abruptness of your absences. Even if we are what we do, we may be much more or less than what we seem to do.

wrote :
There are a great many factors (biological, psychological, social, etc) that go into every voluntary action (or inaction) a person chooses to make - and many of these factors can change from moment to moment (mood, for example) and from venue to venue.
When I observe one kid pushing another at school, I act to address the discipline issue the same way whether the victim is my kid or someone else's. My mood, however, is completely different. We are what we do, but we are also how we feel and what we think. We recognize internal states when we want to predict future behavior--we use psychologists and analyze body language during important negotiations or when deciding whether to release a patient. We use medications to alter internal states with the hopes of affecting external actions. We recognize intentions in law: conspiracy to commit murder (intent w/o action) vs. pre-meditated murder (intent and action) vs. a crime of passion (action w/o intent).

Life is more complicated than "We are what we do." And orders or magnitude more complex than "We are what we're seen to do." Still, that's usually a good hint.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #14  December 9,2011, 11:19am
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harnomygirl wrote :
I also want the people I interact with to cut me lots of slack. I do it for them.
Good luck with that around here, smarty pants.
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #15  December 9,2011, 1:21pm
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I think it depends on the importance of the actions (as perceived by us), and how much choice we have in taking a particular action or not.
 
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Angelkrista is offline Angelkrista Post #16  December 9,2011, 9:30pm
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
I agree with "statement" but disagree with "accurate reflection".
And this is where it always gets dicey.

Assuming that you are presenting yourself as accurately and honestly as possible, through all your lifes experiences, what you may be conveying may be different than what is perceived based on the amount of knowledge the viewer has.

Does that lesson your actual statements?
Last edited by Angelkrista; December 9,2011 at 9:34pm.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #17  December 10,2011, 2:03am
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People will see what they see........and it may or may not be consistent with self-image, or others perception.
Angelkrista wrote :
presenting yourself as accurately and honestly as possible, through all your lifes experiences, what you may be conveying may be different than what is perceived based on the amount of knowledge the viewer has.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #18  December 10,2011, 3:47am
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Honestly, I'm not seeing a point in all of this, Angel. Are our actions 'statements', or reflections, of who we are? ...sure, ok, I'll give that to you on an extremely generalized basis, but you also have to consider that we - ourselves - aren't the interpreters of our actions ...someone else is ...so our 'statements' aren't really 'our statements' at all ...they are - at least as much - statements of the people perceiving our actions in a specific way.

In any meaningful way, 'we' are effectively nothing more than what others perceive us to be.
 
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Angelkrista is offline Angelkrista Post #19  December 10,2011, 5:36am
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BikerBeagle wrote :
Honestly, I'm not seeing a point in all of this, Angel. Are our actions 'statements', or reflections, of who we are? ...sure, ok, I'll give that to you on an extremely generalized basis, but you also have to consider that we - ourselves - aren't the interpreters of our actions ...someone else is ...so our 'statements' aren't really 'our statements' at all ...they are - at least as much - statements of the people perceiving our actions in a specific way.

In any meaningful way, 'we' are effectively nothing more than what others perceive us to be.
It's just a discussion. Gettin good ole feedback.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #20  December 10,2011, 9:13am
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Angel, no I do not always see what I do as statements about me. Why? Because sometimes my actions are a reflection of what I know I need to do in order to get a positive response from someone. Not manipulation, but a choice in how I take action or what I say so I am not dragged into something I don't need to be dragged into.

Years ago my son and I were at a local grocery store waiting for our ride (my car was under repair I think) and he wanted to play these little crane games that were there. I gave him the money thinking he would lose it and that would be that. A woman sitting near us started a monologue about how evil betting and gambling and those games were. I just smiled politely instead of saying what I wanted to say. Then my son actually won something! Well, that set her off more! I just moved over so my son could sit on the other side of me and again, smiled politely. I knew if I said something it could have become a fight. Did my son need to see his mom arguing with some woman who needed to learn to keep her mouth shut? No. Did I need to risk being banned from the store for fighting? No. Yes, it was a choice, but not one that was fully a statement about me. If we had been somewhere else, and my young son not with me, I would have said something. And not something nice.
 
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