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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #1  December 5,2011, 7:59am
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I was thinking about how people portray themselves on this online forum and how they are in real life. Do those two personae match up? Are there only tiny differences? Or, do you allow yourself some "release" time here and say exactly what you think, when you think it? Or, do you post here exactly as you would say something to someone in real life?

I'm just curious because I know in certain areas of life we "have" to censor/filter/moderate what we say and do.

Personally, while I may think everything I post here, I certainly do not say everything that comes to mind. I also don't have the opportunity to delve into the personal dating life of so many people. But, if any of the topics came up with close friends or family or sometimes even a co-worker, I would tell them exactly what I think.

A good example would be a girl who worked in a different department at work. While we were both in the break room she was complaining about her child's father. They lived together but had lots of fights and he would go out to the bars while she stayed with their child. She was "threatening" to take their child and go back to her home state, thousands of miles away. She was half asking "what she should do" but mostly just venting. I told her a little of my issues with my son's father and also suggested she not use their child as a pawn as that was completely unfair to him and their child. Not sure if she "listened" but I think it got her thinking about her tactics. She no longer works for the company, so I have no idea if she moved away or not.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  December 5,2011, 8:52am
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I think mine does pretty much. I try not to say things on here that I think would really hurt people, but then again people are weird and they make assumptions about you not knowing you at all. I've been put in some really uncomfortable circumstances on these boards. I guess my point is that sometimes people have their normal social filters off on here, so I take mine off momentarily as well to say what I need to say.

For example, when I talk to men that I know personally about some of the things that we talk about here, like men paying on dates, it never becomes contentious and they ALWAYS tell me to do what I feel comfortable with. The question of my "contributing equally" has never ever EVER come up when I talk to my guy friends about dating. Ever. Its usually asked of me "how the hell did THAT become an issue?" when I tell them about some of the things that we discuss here.

So yeah, overall I would say that online and real life are two mostly different things when it comes to relating to each other.

When it comes to telling people what I think, I actually exercise the same discretion here. There are people that I know would never take my advice because its not aligned with what they would actually do, so I dont bother commenting on their threads. Same as when someone is fairly new on the boards and I begin to get a sense of what they will and won't do. There's a point where I will just stop, kinda shrug and say "okayyy whatever!" because I know they are really just going to do what they want anyway. They're just looking for cheerleaders.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #3  December 5,2011, 11:38am
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I have had the pleasure of meeting quite a few posters, some more than once, and I have to say that in almost every case they were exactly what I expected. However, in the past we all spent lots of time together in chat and roll call threads where everyone tends to be more themselves and less constrained, so maybe that is part of it. I even have dates tell me that I am exactly who I say I am, and I match my profile and email/phone exchanges to a 't'.
A friend recently told me that I do come across as harsher online than I am in real life, that my sofer side isn't as apparent on the boards, so I have been paying attention to that more lately. Maybe it is because of the posts I am responding to?
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #4  December 5,2011, 12:38pm
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I am both a tad nicer AND a tad more tough online.

I tend to (at least the first few times) give a new poster the benefit of the doubt...which I might not do IRL (when I can quickly tell if they are a whackjob). Once whackjobbedness is established I avoid.

I also tend to me a little more sharp online, sometimes someone needs to hear "your picker is broken" or "you ARE the common denominator" without any massaging fluff.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #5  December 5,2011, 5:07pm
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With me, what you see (or read) is what you get. Anything I would post here I would say to your face. I don't understand creating some kind of "persona" for posting on an internet message board. I guess I can see the appeal of doing that for some people - perhaps they need some kind of escape from their hum-drum lives. Or, maybe they feel they can't be as mean to people IRL as they can by chastising anonymous posters on a message board. I get the feeling that some posters come here just so they can say nasty things to people that they could never get away with doing in person.

But, for the most part, I think many/most of the posters here on eHA are the same as they are offline. I have made friends with a few posters in real life, and my interactions with them are exactly the same as they are on the boards. Maybe the "real" people tend to gravitate towards one another?
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #6  December 5,2011, 5:20pm
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A_Sweeter_Mitchell175 wrote :
With me, what you see (or read) is what you get. Anything I would post here I would say to your face. I don't understand creating some kind of "persona" for posting on an internet message board.

For the most part, I think many/most of the posters here on eHA are the same as they are offline. I have made friends with a few posters in real life, and my interactions with them are exactly the same as they are on the boards.
I fixed it! This ^^^ describes you and your experiences without saying anything unpleasant about other people.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #7  December 5,2011, 5:25pm
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harnomygirl wrote :
I fixed it! This ^^^ describes you and your experiences without saying anything unpleasant about other people.
No fixing was needed. As I said, I don't post anything here that I wouldn't say to someone's face. If I ran into Harnomygirl in real life, and we started talking about eHA, I would say "I enjoy reading the boards, but there are a lot of people here who only seem happy when they can make other people miserable".

Or put words into other posters "mouths".
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #8  December 5,2011, 5:43pm
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mitchell175 wrote :
No fixing was needed. As I said, I don't post anything here that I wouldn't say to someone's face. If I ran into Harnomygirl in real life, and we started talking about eHA, I would say "I enjoy reading the boards, but there are a lot of people here who only seem happy when they can make other people miserable".

Or put words into other posters "mouths".
Hey, I removed a few words. I didn't add any.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #9  December 5,2011, 5:46pm
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I suspect I'm more or less the same. I tend to smile and laugh alot offline, so I try to get some of that across with all my smileys! I have sometimes been surprised by the real lives of posters--online you don't see how tall they are, nor their accents, nor their attire, nor their criminal history. Some are more reserved in person. But mostly they're essentially the same and WYSIWYG.
Last edited by shapeShifter79; December 5,2011 at 5:50pm.
 
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eharmonyjc is offline eharmonyjc Post #10  December 5,2011, 8:18pm
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I'd like to think I'm pretty much the same. Although if I walked into a party full of strangers I don't tend to just jump right into conversations like I would here. I'm more of the hostessy "make sure everyone has a drink and something to eat and clean up as I go" type at a party. But I'm definitely opinionated and sarcastic in person, and very friendly. A word a few dates have described me as is "genuine" which I think is a huge compliment, so I try to be that way here too.
 
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