I'm not sure whether I want to settle down yet.


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
miked2008 is offline miked2008 Post #1  November 25,2011, 5:20pm
miked2008's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2011

Artesia, NM

Posts: 30

See profile

I have been having issues with my dating life recently and have been feeling lonely. It has been hard for me to find someone I am compatible with, but I have moved almost every year for my job since I graduated college and will very likely move again. I openly tell people that I don't like dating because of the uncertainty, but would love to meet someone I could trust and pursue romantically, in sort of an open relationship.

I make it very clear though that I do not want to contemplate the future or even think about settling down here, or any where else for that matter, and want complete freedom in my life. I still like to party and drink every weekend, when I'm not on call, and will do so until 5 in the morning, sometimes with people I just barely met. I also have a reputation for having anger issues and am still trying to resolve them, because it has left a few scars, some psychological and some physical. I would like to calm down but I am waiting for someone who can handle my personality, or possibly tame me down a little bit. In other words, to use a bad analogy, I feel like the wild bull in the rodeo that everyone is afraid to ride.

This confuses me because I am very religious, I was born and raised catholic and would love to meet some one with the same religion as me and get married in the church. This is optional to me, but I want someone is as comfortable with my religious beliefs as with my hard partying lifestyle and my frequent moves for my job.

Do I even need to be seeking a relationship, or should I focus on solving my own issues first before I try and start a relationship or start dating?
 
  Reply With Quote
EccentricAmbiguity is online now EccentricAmbiguity Post #2  November 25,2011, 5:27pm
EccentricAmbi…'s Avatar

"In her Sunday shoes, with her Saturday feet...."

Veteran

Joined: Oct 2011

In the clouds.

Posts: 1,172

See profile

Friend. You absolutely need to address your 1.anger issues that are leading to your 2.alcohol issues. I truly appreciate your candor and self awareness. That is the first steps to recovery. And yes, I use the word recovery because you have both an alcohol problem and anger issue. NO ONE is going to fix you. Only you can fix you. The type of girl you attract right now would not be healthy. You need to get better and then good things will follow. Look up 12 step programs and AA's they are in every city across the country and where ever you travel there one will be. (and where ever you go, there you are, so stop running and address it)
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  November 25,2011, 5:37pm
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,668

See profile

miked2008 wrote :
I have been having issues with my dating life recently and have been feeling lonely. It has been hard for me to find someone I am compatible with, but I have moved almost every year for my job since I graduated college and will very likely move again. I openly tell people that I don't like dating because of the uncertainty, but would love to meet someone I could trust and pursue romantically, in sort of an open relationship.

I make it very clear though that I do not want to contemplate the future or even think about settling down here, or any where else for that matter, and want complete freedom in my life. I still like to party and drink every weekend, when I'm not on call, and will do so until 5 in the morning, sometimes with people I just barely met. I also have a reputation for having anger issues and am still trying to resolve them, because it has left a few scars, some psychological and some physical. I would like to calm down but I am waiting for someone who can handle my personality, or possibly tame me down a little bit. In other words, to use a bad analogy, I feel like the wild bull in the rodeo that everyone is afraid to ride.

This confuses me because I am very religious, I was born and raised catholic and would love to meet some one with the same religion as me and get married in the church. This is optional to me, but I want someone is as comfortable with my religious beliefs as with my hard partying lifestyle and my frequent moves for my job.

Do I even need to be seeking a relationship, or should I focus on solving my own issues first before I try and start a relationship or start dating?
One should always address their own issues before attempting to build a relationship.
 
  Reply With Quote
miked2008 is offline miked2008 Post #4  November 25,2011, 6:00pm
miked2008's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2011

Artesia, NM

Posts: 30

See profile

In case y'all are wondering, I am going to counseling for my anger issues and I am currently taking prozac, so hopefully that will help. I also wonder if my job contributes to my stress as well. I work in the oilfield industry and about a year ago I was at another district, in Odessa, TX, and for about 8 months I was working about 100 hours a week and getting four hours of sleep a night, and partying every weekend still. I wonder if I have fully recovered from that yet, or if I am running from issues I had when I was 18. It's a complicated story, and I'm still trying to figure it out.
 
  Reply With Quote
emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #5  November 25,2011, 6:59pm
emma_hazards's Avatar

Perky!

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2011

Posts: 1,870

See profile

I see what you plan to get out of this potential "relationship." Since relationships should be mutually beneficial, just curious as to how you see your non-exclusive girlfriend deriving benefit in your proposed arrangement? Why would she find this attractive? Help me understand...
 
  Reply With Quote
miked2008 is offline miked2008 Post #6  November 25,2011, 7:21pm
miked2008's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2011

Artesia, NM

Posts: 30

See profile

I never said I would cheat on her. I just don't like the idea of relationships. I find them very stressful, considering I spend a lot of time at work and have had to move a lot. I want a friend I can trust and I want to date that person, loosely speaking, but my first priority right now is my career, and it will be for a while.
 
  Reply With Quote
miked2008 is offline miked2008 Post #7  November 25,2011, 7:23pm
miked2008's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2011

Artesia, NM

Posts: 30

See profile

Also, I'm not sure I want to settle down yet, I sort of enjoy the reputation I have, as much as I catch heat for it here in the small town I live in. I want to date someone as crazy as me. jk
 
  Reply With Quote
emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #8  November 25,2011, 7:47pm
emma_hazards's Avatar

Perky!

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2011

Posts: 1,870

See profile

...yet more information about your needs and wishes. Still curious about what benefit you see to your potential "girlfriend" in this "open relationship," "loosely speaking," that you propose. Again, just trying to understand...
Last edited by emma_hazards; November 25,2011 at 7:50pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #9  November 25,2011, 7:58pm
Dropdeadredtx's Avatar

Still listening for the jingle of dog tags that isn't there...

Board Leader - Books

Joined: Apr 2010

Houston

Posts: 14,632

See profile

miked2008 wrote :
Also, I'm not sure I want to settle down yet, I sort of enjoy the reputation I have, as much as I catch heat for it here in the small town I live in. I want to date someone as crazy as me. jk
Do the ladies a favor and sow your wild oats and then get your act together. You are not in a place in your life to be seeking anything other than a drinking buddy and a playmate.
 
  Reply With Quote
miked2008 is offline miked2008 Post #10  November 25,2011, 10:09pm
miked2008's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2011

Artesia, NM

Posts: 30

See profile

emma_hazards wrote :
...yet more information about your needs and wishes. Still curious about what benefit you see to your potential "girlfriend" in this "open relationship," "loosely speaking," that you propose. Again, just trying to understand...
Well, the benefit to her would be the same freedom I enjoy. There are a lot of women out there who have a wild side and have trouble finding a man who will put up with it. I may expect them to be very independent, but there is a lot of freedom, and a lot of bad habits that I will put up with that other people won't.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Women: Why do you pick Shampoo as if it was a Wine Tasting? | About You | What Chinese Zodiac Animal Sign Are You? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Should We Settle? legendwho? Debate Society 6 December 10,2011 9:05pm
Will more women settle or become bread winners? Franklin551 Dating 62 May 12,2011 8:58am
Are women that don't settle, settling for nothing? singleman4803 Dating 68 September 14,2009 8:29pm
Settle or just accept lonliness? jaydub114 Relationships 30 August 31,2009 9:58pm
What does it mean to settle? waltercl Dating 26 August 13,2009 2:16pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“If they are Google ads, then you are being served ads based off of recent google searches you have performed. You will be served ads within the same niche. For example if you were Google searching ... ” –  brokensmile76

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“ Thanks for your post. The whole thing with moving on is that there are ups and downs and thank goodness for this forum today on a "down" day. Thank you all. For the butt kicking and empathy. ... ” –  brokensmile76

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“ A lot of assumptions here... I never said I was hoping for a reconciliation with her. In fact, if I was told I had to get back with any one of my ex's, she wouldn't be my first choice, or second ... ” –  jtkdp

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion

“I don't know much about match, but if it is anything like OkCupid or similar sites then low response rates are common, particularly for younger men. 1% sounds exaggeratedly low, but 10%, in my ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “Email advice” discussion

“Thanks for the responses. That is what I thought and have usually heard before, except from some guys who seemed to be PUA idiots. What really got me thinking about this was one of the OC trend ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “Young women and muscular men.” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 9:44pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0