OKcupid has fried my brain.


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EccentricAmbiguity is online now EccentricAmbiguity Post #1  November 21,2011, 8:56am
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After my dating hiatus, I thought I would try OKC. It seemed logical if I am "just looking", not really interested in dumping money into something... plus have heard its gaining some popularity.
Ummmm...WOW, having to read through 10 new emails every 3 hours, waking up to emails sent throughout the night, realizing that at 2am several people were looking at your profile in addition to 1000's of profiles to read through has basically melted my brain.
It seems from the outside that having all these possible suitors would be a good thing, but this is most definitely overkill.
Its so strange, its as though having too many choices almost makes it more difficult to see the "specialness" in any one of them.
Anyone else have this experience?
 
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UKUSCanuk is offline UKUSCanuk Post #2  November 21,2011, 9:39am
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When you are new to any dating site, you attract a lot of attention. I'm sure you have a very attractive profile, and this is adding to likelihood that you will be contacted.

Don't be in too much of a hurry to reject some of these potential matches. A few weeks from now I expect the initial flurry will die down a bit. It's a bit like the Biblical story about the seven lean years and the seven fat years Pace yourself and be very thankful!
 
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EccentricAmbiguity is online now EccentricAmbiguity Post #3  November 21,2011, 9:55am
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UKUSCanuk wrote :
When you are new to any dating site, you attract a lot of attention. I'm sure you have a very attractive profile, and this is adding to likelihood that you will be contacted.

Don't be in too much of a hurry to reject some of these potential matches. A few weeks from now I expect the initial flurry will die down a bit. It's a bit like the Biblical story about the seven lean years and the seven fat years Pace yourself and be very thankful!
While it would be flattering for me to take all the credit, I can't.. As this just hasn't been my experience on other sites. I guess when somethings free it will always increase the field exponentially. Not to mention I live in one of the most populus areas in the country. I imagine it will all calm down with time, its just a bit overwhelming. As of now I am almost hesitant to sign on.
okcupid has left me okstupid.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #4  November 21,2011, 10:50am
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EccentricAmbiguity wrote :
Its so strange, its as though having too many choices almost makes it more difficult to see the "specialness" in any one of them.
Studies have proven that having too many choices does make it more difficult:

The Paralyzing Problem of Too Many Choices - NYTimes.com

You might also find this interesting:

The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

j8a
 
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EccentricAmbiguity is online now EccentricAmbiguity Post #5  November 21,2011, 11:17am
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j0hn8andy wrote :
Studies have proven that having too many choices does make it more difficult:

The Paralyzing Problem of Too Many Choices - NYTimes.com

You might also find this interesting:

The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

j8a
Thanks j8a, I knew I wasn't crazy. I especially was intrigued with the following paragraph from the NYTimes article:
.... one way to tackle the choice problem is to become more comfortable with the idea of “good enough,” ......Seeking the perfect choice, even in big decisions like colleges, “is a recipe for misery,” Professor Schwartz said.
This concept may even extend to, yes, marriage. Lori Gottlieb is the author of “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” (Dutton Adult, 2010). Too many women — her book focused on women — “think I have to pick just the right one. Instead of wondering, ‘Am I happy?’ they wonder, ‘Is this the best I can do?’ ”

I believe my last guy may have been swept up in the "but is this good enough" mentality. And something to be said about him approaching 40 never married etc. Perhaps thats why.
I have been focusing on what I want: a good heart, engaging, intelligent and warm. Where's the filter on these dating websites for that?
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #6  November 21,2011, 12:40pm
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Agree with the articles j8a points out...too many men so little time...lol.....That site is huge for all types of tastes. It must have settings and filters for searching /messaging, etc.
As far as the anytime / anywhere thing you are getting ...they have an app for that:
"OkCupid Locals is part of OkCupid, a larger dating site, which says a tenth of its 2.5 million active members use the location features in the mobile app".
EccentricAmbiguity wrote :
Where's the filter on these dating websites for that?
Last edited by Wiseman2; November 22,2011 at 2:04am.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #7  November 21,2011, 1:39pm
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A new email or emails via a site like ecupid doesn't mean 10 genuine and interested men/women. Especially a free site. I think you'd be lucky to get 1 out of 10 where it's someone who is genuine, single and sincere.

Filtering is your friend!
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #8  November 24,2011, 3:32pm
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
A new email or emails via a site like ecupid doesn't mean 10 genuine and interested men/women. Especially a free site. I think you'd be lucky to get 1 out of 10 where it's someone who is genuine, single and sincere.

Filtering is your friend!
This is very, very true! I just recently signed onto OKCupid. Yes, I'm experiencing the "fresh meat" syndrome, and I'm sure that will die down soon.

I am just finding the vast majority of matches on there very odd. I'll be told I'm a 99% match with someone only to find they are a Harley-riding, vegetarian, Hindu-wanna-be who is allergic to cats. Or the 98% match is actually a long-haired gun-rights fanatic in a band. Or they're from across the country or even New Zealand when I've specified I want someone within 20 miles of where I live. The 80% matches are even worse.

I have not figured out how to really browse the profiles on my own... I only seem to be able to see the ones they select for me, and that list hasn't changed since joining on Sunday. My profile is completely filled out, with photo, and I've answered over 1,000 of their questions. Although it's a "free" site, it appears they want money for any type of meaningful filtering. After seeing what I've seen this past week on there, I'm thinking it may not be the site for me.
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #9  November 24,2011, 6:06pm
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
This is very, very true! I just recently signed onto OKCupid. Yes, I'm experiencing the "fresh meat" syndrome, and I'm sure that will die down soon.

I am just finding the vast majority of matches on there very odd. I'll be told I'm a 99% match with someone only to find they are a Harley-riding, vegetarian, Hindu-wanna-be who is allergic to cats. Or the 98% match is actually a long-haired gun-rights fanatic in a band. Or they're from across the country or even New Zealand when I've specified I want someone within 20 miles of where I live. The 80% matches are even worse.

I have not figured out how to really browse the profiles on my own... I only seem to be able to see the ones they select for me, and that list hasn't changed since joining on Sunday. My profile is completely filled out, with photo, and I've answered over 1,000 of their questions. Although it's a "free" site, it appears they want money for any type of meaningful filtering. After seeing what I've seen this past week on there, I'm thinking it may not be the site for me.
It just means they answer the questions in a way that's acceptable to you and you answer questions in a way that's acceptable to them. The numbers shift pretty quickly when one of your very important issues don't match up.

Think I can see your profile. Not a lot of people in your city and age... 96% match...
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #10  November 24,2011, 7:37pm
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dmi wrote :
It just means they answer the questions in a way that's acceptable to you and you answer questions in a way that's acceptable to them. The numbers shift pretty quickly when one of your very important issues don't match up.

Think I can see your profile. Not a lot of people in your city and age... 96% match...
LOL! Okay, now how did you search? I can't figure it out on that site. Or maybe they're already showing me everyone they've got.
 
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