About Men: How emotional/sensitive should they be? And how much is too much/too little??

True strength is being yourself, not pretending to be something. That's also freedom.

Owning and expressing your emotions is manly. A man who can cry and not be ashamed is truly strong. A man that whines and complains is a mommas-boy, and no woman feels comfortable with or admires them.

Other than that Tipitina pretty well sums up what I think of as an emotionally mature man.

what do YOU think is the ideal amount of "emotionally expressive" a man should be?

But how bout a person who, quite consistently, tears up at dramatic moments in a movie. Is that too sensitive? How bout one who doesn't tear up at all no matter what? Not sensitive enough?

LOL....I'm totally guilty of springing the "what are you thinking?" question exactly as you describe. Except that I'm not actually looking for you to share your feelings or talk about how you feel about me. It's a really lazy way to engage you in a conversation or to get entertained with minimal effort on my part because I'm quite bored with just cuddling but too relaxed to come up with something better. And let's face it, because you guys think that the answer requires some kind of emotional sharing....it's kind of entertaining to see you squirm a bit.

BUT! When the expression of feelings (or the lack thereof) really is genuine... What then? When Tiptina mentions "I want to know that there's a human being in there, not a machine." That's exactly my point: What would make you come to this conclusion... that he's a machine? If he doesn't get teary eyed at the death of a loved one... he's just really quiet and is trying to keep busy with whatever he can so he doesn't think about it... Is he a machine then? Or would you not fault him for this, because this is his coping mechanism?
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Logic tells me it's reasonable to allow someone to handle it in their own way, but I personally would want to see some demonstration of the emotion.

First of all, thanks a bunch for the responses .

I definitely agree with all of you, that when the actions/expressions are faked, not genuine, or otherwise exaggerated, it's not right and falls into drama king territory... or maybe someone who wants to score some sympathy points with whomever they're around.

BUT! When the expression of feelings (or the lack thereof) really is genuine... What then? When Tiptina mentions "I want to know that there's a human being in there, not a machine." That's exactly my point: What would make you come to this conclusion... that he's a machine? If he doesn't get teary eyed at the death of a loved one... he's just really quiet and is trying to keep busy with whatever he can so he doesn't think about it... Is he a machine then? Or would you not fault him for this, because this is his coping mechanism?

I'm also sure at least SOME of you have heard a woman complain that her husband (or BF or whatever) never told her He loved her... or didn't do it enough. I'm sure he didn't do so because it genuinely didn't come to him as naturally is it would to other people... But at what point does this become a problem? Or is this acceptable because it's who he is, and his SO should have to learn to live with it?

And on the opposite side of the spectrum, what if the guy would get teary eyed just a little too much? I actually remember my last GF used to tear up during any confrontational situation regardless of what it was. She'd still be making perfect sense... it's not like she wouldn't make sense because she was emotional or something... Nope... it's just that the situation would bring her to tears despite her attempts to fight it. I didn't really fault her for it cause she's a woman and all, but I gotta admit... if the genders were reversed (freaky!) I'd probably think there was something wrong with her cause a man shouldn't be like that. At least not from my perspective... How bout other people's?

(Note: I understand these are very subjective... which is why I ask for people's opinions about their own preferences, and not some universal right or wrong).

I'm also sure at least SOME of you have heard a woman complain that her husband (or BF or whatever) never told her He loved her... or didn't do it enough. I'm sure he didn't do so because it genuinely didn't come to him as naturally is it would to other people... But at what point does this become a problem? Or is this acceptable because it's who he is, and his SO should have to learn to live with it?

And on the opposite side of the spectrum, what if the guy would get teary eyed just a little too much?

I actually remember my last GF used to tear up during any confrontational situation regardless of what it was. She'd still be making perfect sense... it's not like she wouldn't make sense because she was emotional or something... Nope... it's just that the situation would bring her to tears despite her attempts to fight it.

if the genders were reversed (freaky!) I'd probably think there was something wrong with her cause a man shouldn't be like that. At least not from my perspective... How bout other people's?

LOL....I'm totally guilty of springing the "what are you thinking?" question exactly as you describe. Except that I'm not actually looking for you to share your feelings or talk about how you feel about me. It's a really lazy way to engage you in a conversation or to get entertained with minimal effort on my part because I'm quite bored with just cuddling but too relaxed to come up with something better. And let's face it, because you guys think that the answer requires some kind of emotional sharing....it's kind of entertaining to see you squirm a bit.

Second, why is this a gender specific question? What about the instances of women who do not demonstrate a certain degree of emotion or teariness under certain circumstances as culture expects? How do guys feel about this? Is it a relief that she is not one prone to crying which makes men feel so badly? Or is she a cold fish?