Assessing Your Dealbreakers


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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #1  October 31,2011, 3:45pm
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I may have to turn in my man card for this, but I've enjoyed watching Tough Love on VH1. On the latest episode, they had the women come up with their list of dealbreakers. They were then brought into a room with 50 men. Each woman presented her list of deal breakers and the men kept sitting down until either there were no men left or no dealbreakers left.

Most of the women were left with only a handful of men remaining that were "good enough" for them to choose from. The basic lesson was that too many dealbreakers or unreasonable dealbreakers can quickly shallow your dating pool.

When coming up with your list of dealbreakers, have you put any consideration into what that might do to your dating pool?
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #2  October 31,2011, 4:17pm
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I'm okay with having a shallow pool. I don't need to appeal to everyone, and not everyone will appeal to me. I'm out for the best match for me, not the greatest number of matches possible.

My deal breakers have come from experience. Each time I've bent one, I've regretted it.

I've never seen that show, but I would love that approach! Put 50 guys in the room with me and let me start winnowing right then and there. Terribly efficient!
 
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emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #3  October 31,2011, 4:18pm
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Yes!

Let's see...there are dealbreakers that are conscious (smoking, dishonesty, lack of empathy, etc.) and then there are the subconscious dealbreakers (expectations?) that we all have that you wouldn't even think to put on a list, but are part of the image you have of a good partner...These (like education for example) are often superficial and don't really matter in the long-term. Been working on the latter.
Last edited by emma_hazards; October 31,2011 at 4:23pm.
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #4  October 31,2011, 4:27pm
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A handful left would probably be a good thing. But, if you have so many dealbreakers that a room with 1000 men all sit down, you might want to rethink things.
 
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myusernamehere is offline myusernamehere Post #5  October 31,2011, 4:29pm
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I don't have any dealbreakers.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  October 31,2011, 5:23pm
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
I'm okay with having a shallow pool. I don't need to appeal to everyone, and not everyone will appeal to me. I'm out for the best match for me, not the greatest number of matches possible.

Agree.

Also, these people are probably being just as selective, so supply and demand balances.


My deal breakers have come from experience. Each time I've bent one, I've regretted it.

I largely agree.

I do think deal-breakers should be tested periodically, at least in cases where some factor related to youth might be worth changing.

(In my case, distance is a recent example of this.)
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #7  October 31,2011, 5:24pm
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myusernamehere wrote :
I don't have any dealbreakers.

You date both males and females?
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #8  October 31,2011, 5:38pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I largely agree.

I do think deal-breakers should be tested periodically, at least in cases where some factor related to youth might be worth changing.

(In my case, distance is a recent example of this.)
I agree with you somewhat here. I, too, am currently bending my distance rule.

My current boyfriend lives 75 miles from me and still owns a house 925 miles from me. I am experiencing all the reasons I've been avoiding a long-distance relationship for the past 9 years. The guy is great, the distance is not. I don't know that there's enough "greatness" in him to overcome this distance factor. Still seeing how this one plays out. I won't be able to do this too much longer without some sort of plan for him to move closer (which I don't think will happen).
Last edited by Wonderwoman402; October 31,2011 at 8:23pm. Reason: typo
 
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myusernamehere is offline myusernamehere Post #9  October 31,2011, 5:51pm
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D_Lion wrote :
You date both males and females?
Nah. Only women.
 
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maffif is online now maffif Post #10  October 31,2011, 6:08pm
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I saw the first part of this show where they were showing the reality of the deal breakers. I thought it was very interesting and a great visual.

It really didn't make me rethink my deal breakers. I agree with Wonderwoman on this. I am not settling the second go round, going to be sure about a lot of things. Could be that being a bit older than the women on the show that my deal breakers are more reasonable than some of the ones they had.
With age comes wisdom, right? Along with more experience.
 
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