Lybrah75 is offline Lybrah75 Post #1  October 31,2011, 12:33pm
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I can't help it. I am in love with a man who won't even look in my direction. I have tried to allow time to help me get over it but it just keeps getting worse! The more I find out about him, the more I like him! Any ideas of any way I can get a man who is not interested? Or do I need help?
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  October 31,2011, 12:36pm
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Did you try flashing him?
 
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Lybrah75 is offline Lybrah75 Post #3  October 31,2011, 12:40pm
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Yeah, I actually did....sad, right?
 
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Tipitina is offline Tipitina Post #4  October 31,2011, 12:58pm
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Is this the same man you posted about here?

http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...n-hearted.html (Broken Hearted)

It's difficult if not impossible to get someone to care about you when they clearly have no interest in you. You might want to talk with a counselor about why you're so intent on being with someone who wants nothing to do with you and has already said as much.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  October 31,2011, 1:20pm
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Lybrah75 wrote :
Yeah, I actually did....sad, right?
Sounds like you've crossed some serious lines and at this point may be in need of some professional help to deal with your fixation.

You simply can't force someone to like you. Period. There are no ands or buts about this.

By the way, the first step to getting over someone is stopping all contact. So when you say "the more you learn about him" - you are actively and deliberately going out of your way to get information about him. It's not just landing in your lap by magic. So you have no one but yourself to blame for the self inflicted pain and drama.

You truly want to get over him? Unfriend him from FB, block and delete his number, e-mail and any other way to reach him. Start going to a different church group or at different times from him. If you have mutual friends, ask them not to talk about him in your presence - good friends will respect that. Do what it takes to actually move on.
 
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PictureImperfect is offline PictureImperfect Post #6  October 31,2011, 6:32pm
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You are in love with your idea of him, not the man himself. The man himself apparently has no interest in you, so why would you want someone like that?

I believe that you need help, Lybrah, either from friends, your pastor, or some other counselor. Good luck to you.
 
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lindseyk is offline lindseyk Post #7  October 31,2011, 7:00pm

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Lybrah75 wrote :
I can't help it. I am in love with a man who won't even look in my direction. I have tried to allow time to help me get over it but it just keeps getting worse! The more I find out about him, the more I like him! Any ideas of any way I can get a man who is not interested? Or do I need help?
You need to help it. And if you can't do it on your own, you need to seek counsel from someone who can help you help it.

How much time have you allowed to get over it? If this is the same person you posted about last week, I do not think you could possibly have given yourself enough time to emotionally heal and move on. It is not going to happen overnight and it is going to take some serious discipline to conquer your emotions, which seem to be driving you more than your head right now.

I find it interesting, if this is the same guy as last week, that his behavior toward you has not been enough to kill any interest you had completely. What have you found out about him lately that would blind you to the things he said that hurt you so much?

You really need to stop obsessing over this person, and yes, obsessing is what you are doing. That's a strong statement, I realize, but it is also the truth. You are not doing yourself any favours by continuing to carry a torch for someone who has clearly demonstrated that he is not interested in you.

There is nothing you can do to make him be interested in you. I think you need to seek some sort of counseling, be it from a pastor, parent, professional counselor, or someone else you trust. This is not a good road to go down. It will not get better and you will only end up hurting yourself more with each passing day that you devote your heart to someone who does not want it.

I've said it to you before and I'll say it again: Liking someone should not cause you this amount of pain and frustration.

Don't you want to be with someone who wants to be with you, who thinks you are the absolute best thing that has ever happened to him? You are worth so much more than someone's complete disregard.
Last edited by lindseyk; October 31,2011 at 7:04pm.
 
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lindseyk is offline lindseyk Post #8  October 31,2011, 7:02pm

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DancingFool wrote :
By the way, the first step to getting over someone is stopping all contact. So when you say "the more you learn about him" - you are actively and deliberately going out of your way to get information about him. It's not just landing in your lap by magic. So you have no one but yourself to blame for the self inflicted pain and drama.
^^
This.
 
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i_remember is offline i_remember Post #9  October 31,2011, 7:12pm
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Lybrah75 wrote :
I can't help it. I am in love with a man who won't even look in my direction. I have tried to allow time to help me get over it but it just keeps getting worse! The more I find out about him, the more I like him! Any ideas of any way I can get a man who is not interested? Or do I need help?
Can only offer one piece of advice and it has served me well in a lot of situations (including one similar ... but not as severe as yours):

Life is too short to be with people who don't care.

Good luck!
 
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EccentricAmbiguity is online now EccentricAmbiguity Post #10  October 31,2011, 8:03pm
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So, I do not know anything about your situation, but I grew up with a dad that was unpleasable. If I got an A why wasn't it an A+? If I was interested in a hobby or a sport, it was nearly pulling teeth to get him to show up, to show interest. My dad is a nice guy, kind of spacey, kind of out there, not intentional in causing harm, but he often forgot my age. My grade. And to this day, at age 30, I often still get hurt by my dad who seems to think my choices are good, but never quite good enough. I make great money, more so than most people in this country, more so than combined household incomes at 30....still not quite enough. In his eyes. I really think this is why rejection from men will always be a very difficult thing for me. I am rarely rejected, possibly because I attempt to set myself up for success with the men I choose, but my gooodnness when I have been rejected I have a very hard time letting go. You may want to seek counceling, I have never let it get the best of me to where I can't eventually let go, but it sounds like your problem may run a bit deeper.
 
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