Would you have sex with someone you're not in a relationship with?


View Poll Results: Would you have sex with someone you're not in a relationship with?
Yes 33 56.90%
No 25 43.10%
Voters: 58. You may not vote on this poll

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Xable is offline Xable Post #1  October 30,2011, 4:42am
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Wanting or being in a one night stands or FWB aside...

I'm wondering how many people would have sex with someone they want (or are thinking about) a relationship with before you are actually in a relationship with that person.

Do you have sex with them before there is a relationship or do you wait until a relationship is established?

For argument sake, we will define a relationship as the following:

-You are exclusive: You each know that the only other person they will be sleeping with is you.

-You both like each other: Not only are you both attracted each other but you each like-like the person enough that you wouldn't mind someone assuming this person was your "girlfriend/boyfriend". And, you are each willing to claim that you do have a relationship with this person that goes beyond simply the physical.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #2  October 30,2011, 5:52am
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Xable wrote :
Do you have sex with them before there is a relationship or do you wait until a relationship is established?

For argument sake, we will define a relationship as the following:

-You are exclusive: You each know that the only other person they will be sleeping with is you.

-You both like each other: Not only are you both attracted each other but you each like-like the person enough that you wouldn't mind someone assuming this person was your "girlfriend/boyfriend". And, you are each willing to claim that you do have a relationship with this person that goes beyond simply the physical.
Buy my way in...with sex? No.

But I'm a little confused. Does the "relationship" have to be spelled out formally? Agreed to and signed on the dotted line...like it was a contract?

Because your two bullet points is how it's always been for me. Even so, I never did manage to have a formal "relationship".

I "go with the flow".

j8a
 
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Corneo is offline Corneo Post #3  October 30,2011, 6:09am
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I'll tell the truth, yes I would have sex on the first date. I must add . . . I need to be attracted to the person.

I have met wonderful ladies in my life that really didn't rock my boat in bed and it was a deal killer.
 
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savman is offline savman Post #4  October 30,2011, 6:23am
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My answer is kind of in the middle. Really it is Yes, but I would almost always need to feel like I wanted a relationship with the person and thought we were moving in that direction. I have had sex before it was officially established, but in every case I had the full desire to it to become a relationship and thought it was going in that direction.
 
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maffif is online now maffif Post #5  October 30,2011, 6:34am
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I would have to be in a relationship first. I know myself and get emotionally attached when becoming intimate. BTDT and learned my lesson. Although, it isn't always easy waiting!

Not all guys think or act like you Savman.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  October 30,2011, 6:51am
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j0hn8andy wrote :
Buy my way in...with sex? No.

But I'm a little confused. Does the "relationship" have to be spelled out formally? Agreed to and signed on the dotted line...like it was a contract?

Because your two bullet points is how it's always been for me. Even so, I never did manage to have a formal "relationship".

I "go with the flow".

j8a
I thought you have said that you were married ... twice
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  October 30,2011, 6:57am
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I am not going to have sex with anyone that I don't see a REAL possibility of a LTR with. Part of the REAL is that there has been a statement of exclusivity and commitment.

To do otherwise would be saying that you are / are with someone whose description begins with a "p" and would get me modded.
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #8  October 30,2011, 6:59am
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I guess my answer would have to be yes. I don't need an officially established relationship™, but, I do need to feel like they're not interested in anyone else.
 
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Xable is offline Xable Post #9  October 30,2011, 6:59am
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j0hn8andy wrote :
Buy my way in...with sex? No.

Nope. That's not what I mean. Sex has two parts for me. One is the physical part. As long as I am attracted to the guy physically and mentally - I'm going to want to have sex with him. I mean, like I'm really a guy, want to have sex with him.

The second part is the emotional part where things get complicated and are more girlie. Sans a relationship, I hold no delusion that sleeping with a guy is going to create one, help create one, or hurt the creation of one (ie buying myself a relationship with sex). Having sex prior to a relationship would be totally because I want to have the physical sex.

The ideal, for me, would be sex with love. Outside of that, the next level would be sex with someone who cares about you. Last level would be sex with someone who doesn't really care about you.

I'm not sure I could respect myself if I had sex with someone who doesn't, at least, like-like me. And I know I could never have sex with someone who I didn't like-like.

So the question was posed so I could see if I'm an outlier in this manner. Which, I probably am. The longer I live, the more I learn that I'm not your typical girl.

But I'm a little confused. Does the "relationship" have to be spelled out formally? Agreed to and signed on the dotted line...like it was a contract?

Pretty much, yes. This question/comment was posed to me not too long ago "You like labels, don't you." It was a fair question and so I gave it a lot of thought before answering that yes, yes I do. It's just how my personality is/works.

But it isn't as bad as all that. It's just I hate assuming. I like it when people to tell me where I stand with them. I'm not going to assume exclusivity, that you're not dating or sleeping with other people, or how you feel about me until *you* tell me.

Showing me your feelings isn't good enough. Telling me your feelings isn't good enough. I, apparently, need a balance of the two.

Because your two bullet points is how it's always been for me. Even so, I never did manage to have a formal "relationship".

I "go with the flow".

I love going with the flow as long as I'm not feeling uncomfortable doing so. I guess I'm trying to figure out exactly what I would and would not feel comfortable with in some manner other than first hand.

j8a
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Above.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #10  October 30,2011, 7:02am
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I will vote "yes," with an answer similar to Savman.

I view a relationship as beginning when it becomes intimate; before that, it's just a buddy with - maybe - potential.

I also agree with Corneo, that it's a deal-breaker if I am not satisfied with sex - and I deliberately do not want to get attached prior to finding that out.

***

In my history, each instance of sex had both the intent and the outcome of becoming a relationship.

I've not pursued attaining an opportunity to have sex outside of that context, since I'm too afraid of disease risk.
 
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