That_Chris_Guy is offline That_Chris_Guy Post #1  September 1,2011, 10:17pm
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Note: I don't talk about myself very often, but a little background info is required to get the point across. Please forgive me if I come off as vain or narcissistic.

The grass may always be greener on the other side, but all cliches aside, I want to find my soulmate. I was never gifted by being attractive to women, so I took the analytic route and tried to turn myself into a desirable man through the knowledge I gained.

I was told:
- women love a man who can fight. I learned how to fight. I used to compete in Taekwondo.

- women love a man who can dance. I learned how to dance. I used to compete in ballroom and latin.

- women love a man who was cultured. I was temporarily in cotillion and I've traveled to many parts of the world many people live their entire lives without seeing. I also aim for fluency in at least 5 languages before I die.

- women love an artistic man. I am (or I was) gifted in drawing and I eventually became a professional photojournalist with numerous released photos and print news stories. I also do vector art from time to time.

- women love an honest man. I learned at an early age that lying rarely serves a purpose. I'm not perfect, but I'm not a liar.

- women love a man with passion. I am, was and always will be a man who would live or die for anyone.

I could go on about what I've been told, but what it all boils down to is, they are all lies.

The real truth is, women have all of the power. Everything a man does in life is to impress a woman. All she has to do is say yes to make it all worth it, or say no to make it all in vain. I have learned that no matter where I go, how far I go, or what I accomplish in life, nothing will matter as long as women keep saying no to me.

I know I'm not alone in this struggle. There are countless others fighting the same fight, but naturally, society overlooks them because they are also undesirable. We are weak, and in this world, weakness is a sin. The word of God says the meek shall inherit the earth, but the only inheritance I have received is endless defeat. I have attempted suicide, but for some reason, God called me back. To this day, I'm still trying to find out why.

I'm not looking for comfort or sympathy. I'm looking for answers. What do women TRULY want? I've heard the cliches about "being yourself" and "being confident", but now it's time to know the TRUTH.
 
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Farajah is offline Farajah Post #2  September 2,2011, 1:15am
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There are six billion people in this world. How many of them are women?

To find out what women want, you'd have to ask every woman on earth. You'll likely get a lot of overlaps, confidence, passion, honesty, etc. Thing is, these values won't be the same for each and every woman. So, really, if you try to work to impress one woman after a rejection, then try and use what you learned with another, it might not work. Especially if they aren't that similar.

Another problem could, very easily, be that you base your idea of success off of women's approval. Only the truly vain and narcissistic like sycophants, but they like to keep them far beneath them. Stop trying to be everything that they want, and be who you want. Maybe, then, things will change.

Note: Being one of those kinds of guys who sits on the couch all day, or being what gamers call a "basement dweller" would be very counter-productive to this.

A desire to please people, and gain their approval, is really easy to spot. Especially for women.
 
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That_Chris_Guy is offline That_Chris_Guy Post #3  September 2,2011, 2:09am
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This is why I don't like talking about myself. In my attempt to explain myself without sounded like a narcissist, I sounded like a narcissist.

Farajah wrote :
There are six billion people in this world. How many of them are women?

To find out what women want, you'd have to ask every woman on earth. You'll likely get a lot of overlaps, confidence, passion, honesty, etc. Thing is, these values won't be the same for each and every woman. So, really, if you try to work to impress one woman after a rejection, then try and use what you learned with another, it might not work. Especially if they aren't that similar.
Yes there are billions of women in the world. I could be in a vegetative state and still win SOMEBODY'S heart somewhere, however, when I try so much harder to please, or put so much effort into showing how much I care while other men get away with lying, cheating, etc., where is the justice in trying to be a good man anymore? There are "basement dwellers" who are somehow more blessed than I am. I can't help but get frustrated.

Farajah wrote :
Another problem could, very easily, be that you base your idea of success off of women's approval. Only the truly vain and narcissistic like sycophants, but they like to keep them far beneath them. Stop trying to be everything that they want, and be who you want. Maybe, then, things will change.
I don't look for sycophants, I look for partners. I have too much self-hate to be a narcissist and I can't imagine anyone being any lower than me. I desire to please people because I actually enjoy pleasing people (go figure). Naturally when looking for a partner, my desire to please would be amplified all the more. The frustration comes from the fact that I have so much respect for people, especially women, and none of it is ever reciprocated past the friendship level. It causes the worth of my humanity to come into question.

Whenever I ask "What's wrong with me?" I don't ask it to say "I'm perfect so what is your problem", it's intended to mean "what do I need to do to please a woman?"

Farajah wrote :
Note: Being one of those kinds of guys who sits on the couch all day, or being what gamers call a "basement dweller" would be very counter-productive to this.
I'm in the military, so I couldn't be a "basement dweller" if I wanted. All cynicism aside, I actually care about my career and need to stay active to stay in the service.

Farajah wrote :
A desire to please people, and gain their approval, is really easy to spot. Especially for women.
I gain new things to bring to the table and add to my resume, but I've never been stupid enough to change who I am. Even I have common sense.



I know people don't actually care about other people's personal problems, and making posts like these get me nowhere, but if these questions don't get asked, answers won't be given.
Last edited by eH_Advice_Host_Eve; September 2,2011 at 12:41pm. Reason: Removed masked obscenity
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #4  September 2,2011, 3:01am
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That_Chris_Guy wrote :

I'm not looking for comfort or sympathy. I'm looking for answers. What do women TRULY want? I've heard the cliches about "being yourself" and "being confident", but now it's time to know the TRUTH.
They want to be left alone!
Guy, if you can solve this riddle, you'll be famous, and on world tour....
If you believe in a higher power like I do, the message I received is that I'm not supposed to figure it out.

Don't agonize over it.
I know I don't.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #5  September 2,2011, 3:37am
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That_Chris_Guy wrote :
The real truth is, women have all of the power. Everything a man does in life is to impress a woman. All she has to do is say yes to make it all worth it, or say no to make it all in vain. I have learned that no matter where I go, how far I go, or what I accomplish in life, nothing will matter as long as women keep saying no to me.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Aristotle Onassis
 
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Tipitina is online now Tipitina Post #6  September 2,2011, 3:46am
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Frankly, as a woman, when I assess a man's attractiveness, I don't care what other women want. I could give a flying fig whether a guy can dance, and I find it boorish if a man resorts to violence to settle a dispute. I want a man who's comfortable enough in his own skin not to want to change himself to be whatever he thinks women want. In dating, the saddest thing I've heard is a man who, when I said no to a second date, wanted to know what he could do to make himself attractive to me. He just wasn't a match, and trying to change wouldn't make it better.

As a woman, I've gone through the "what do men want?" debate and have felt that men have all the power (believe it or not!). The truth is that others have the power over your happiness only if you give it to them. There's a very good chance that the women you think have this power over you... would be the same women who would make you miserable in a relationship. Do you want anyone, or do you want the woman who's right for you?

I know it sounds trite and like something a mom would say, but it's true: be the best YOU that you can be. That is what will make you attractive to the right woman. Nobody wants to be with a fake.
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Ingytravel is online now Ingytravel Post #7  September 2,2011, 6:28am
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OP...I truly hope that you are getting the counseling you need if you have/and are thinking about taking your own life because of not dating someone. That is something that is not a normal part of what people do to solve their problems so it's something that needs to be addressed immediately..

There is NO such thing as figuring out 'what women want'...

The key to a happy life is to figure out what YOU want for yourself.

By putting so much pressure on another person to make your life whole will fail miserably and scare most women away.

Most women will seek out men with confidence. But that confidence comes with being comfortable in your own skin. Finding things in your life that YOU enjoy...not what you think will get you a date.

You are actually trying too hard. And until you figure out your own life and purpose in this world by yourself....you won't be able to enter into a healthy relationship with a woman.

You unfortunately sound like you are in the throws of a deep depression and despair that needs attention so that you will never think again that taking your life is the answer.

And then once you get to a stable place in your life where you can find joy in your job, family, friends, and your own interests.....then you can be ready to date.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #8  September 2,2011, 7:42am
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That_Chris_Guy wrote :
Everything a man does in life is to impress a woman. All she has to do is say yes to make it all worth it, or say no to make it all in vain.
I played Peter, Paul, and Mary's "Around the Campfire" album the other day and sang "Puff the Magic Dragon" with my kids. Impressing women was the last thing on my mind, and if every woman on this dating site laughs at me playing 60's hippie music and singing along, y'know, it wouldn't lessen my enjoyment one iota.

I won't say I never do anything to impress a lady--but the vast majority of actions in my life are calibrated to provide the best life possible for my children and me, and not to earn anyone else's approval. The right woman will approve of my lifestyle.

wrote :
The real truth is, women have all of the power.
To be in love with someone, is to say they matter and you'd do amost anything for them. By definition, those you choose to love exert power over you. To say that women have all the power is to say that women never love or care for their mates. That patently false, as any real-world experience or time reading these forums will assure you.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #9  September 2,2011, 7:46am
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You unfortunately sound like you are in the throws of a deep depression and despair that needs attention so that you will never think again that taking your life is the answer.
+1 on seeking counseing for your suicidal thoughts.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Eve is online now eH_Advice_Host_Eve — Advice Official Moderator Post #10  September 2,2011, 8:04am
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Ingytravel wrote :
The key to a happy life is to figure out what YOU want for yourself.

By putting so much pressure on another person to make your life whole will fail miserably and scare most women away.

Most women will seek out men with confidence. But that confidence comes with being comfortable in your own skin. Finding things in your life that YOU enjoy...not what you think will get you a date.

You are actually trying too hard. And until you figure out your own life and purpose in this world by yourself....you won't be able to enter into a healthy relationship with a woman.

You unfortunately sound like you are in the throws of a deep depression and despair that needs attention so that you will never think again that taking your life is the answer.

And then once you get to a stable place in your life where you can find joy in your job, family, friends, and your own interests.....then you can be ready to date.
I completely agree with you Ingy.

You cannot love someone else until you love yourself.

If you base everything you do on gaining approval from others you are wasting your life away. What is the meaning of life... who knows... but it definitely isn't just to be approved of. I'd like to think that life is meant to LIVE and have a fulfilling life. (And how can you do that if you are constantly concerned with being/doing as you think others want you to instead of living for yourself?)

Do what makes YOU happy and then the right person will be drawn to you. You cannot force people to like/approve of you by doing what you think they'd want you to do. People are usually smart enough to see right through that.

Women are drawn to men who act like men. Men who can hold themselves straight and look you in the eye. The more confident you are the more appealing you are, plain and simple. It has nothing to do with anything else you mentioned.

Just be your wonderful self and the right one will find you when the time is right.
 
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