had to to tell a match to stop contacting me


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SteveManchesterEngland is online now SteveManchesterEngland Post #11  August 2,2011, 8:35am
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is too happy

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yes sounds controlling. I avoid people like this especially ones that try to "rationalise away" my boundaries. if he's already irritating you like this - getting rid is a wise option.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #12  August 2,2011, 9:10am
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flgal wrote :
nightling, sometimes the right thing to do isn't always the easy thing to do. People with healthy boundaries are attracted to other people with healthy boundaries. You have healthy boundaries, he doesn't, thus the push/pull. This would've never worked over the long haul. You did the right thing!
I agree with this. Sometimes, if your partner steps on your toes it could be because you hadn't actually delineated your boundaries clearly, which is not emotionally healthy for either one of you. It sounds like you already knew to define your boundaries explicitly and he just ignored them. This wasn't a good match. Good luck with the next one.
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nightling is offline nightling Post #13  August 2,2011, 1:21pm
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all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

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NYCpigeon wrote :
You did the right thing. There's more going on here than meets the eye.

Although I am not an expert, I see this behavior as a pathology. I have actually known a few women who have exhibited similar behavior as this guy. They appear normal on the surface and initially, but at some point they start showing this wacky kind of controlling behavior: Inappropriate, head-scratching , makes-no-sense kind of behavior.

At the very least, this is very, very, very controlling behavior. His need to control clearly overrides your needs.

He may also have a need to disrespect you (that's how I view boundary violation). After all, it is a violation.
It comes to me reading this that the pattern itself didn't become so crystal clear until the final incident. Then I was able to look back and really see it.

This kind of thing makes me glad I don't immediately decide to be exclusive with someone on date one and wait a bit before doing anything that would tend to cause an emotional attachment.

It's just too hard to really see a person when all you're going on is one date. The only thing I know after one date is yes there is some chemistry there or no there is not. Whether I want to pursue said chemistry is an entirely different matter.

It's been a learning experience this whole dating thing. I sometimes think I'm actually learning more about myself than I do about the other person.
 
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