What is a man supposed to...


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musubi7 is offline musubi7 Post #1  July 26,2011, 3:25am
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does it for the lulz

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...Contribute to a woman's life?

[I'm only posting this because I'm sick and can't sleep because I can't breathe. This question has been bothering me since I heard it. So I decided to ask it here while I wait for my lungs to stop burning.]

For a couple of days, I've been watching relationship advice YT videos (mostly to laugh, because I find their ideas of masculinity and femininity as a binary extremely funny; one vid even had the audacity to say women had no right to be in the workplace). On one of them, the vlogger told her viewers to make a list of the things that "only a man can add to your life."

I usually laugh off their advice, but I pondered this question for a bit. And found myself completely unable to answer.

Outside, of course, physical stimulation, what is a man supposed to give me that I can't get from either myself or another outlet? With great clarity and conviction, I found myself thinking, "No. I don't need a man."

So...I'm curious. Ladies, what is it that only a man can contribute to your self? Other than sex.

[Lungs still burning. It's time for my second shot of Nyquil chased with a Riccola.]
 
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steele_launz is offline steele_launz Post #2  July 26,2011, 4:43am
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It used to be $$$. That's not the case anymore with more women dominating the workforce. Basically, men are supposed to serve as emotionless eunuchs providing amusement here and there with all the hoops they must jump through to have a little bit of sex.
 
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Xable is offline Xable Post #3  July 26,2011, 4:48am
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It isn't a man/woman thing. It is a partner thing. A partner allows you to enjoy the joys of life and help navigate the trials together with someone at your side. Human life was not meant to be spent alone - but with a mate at our side. That is what a partner offers us - someone to be at our side to share our life with.
 
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #4  July 26,2011, 5:04am
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I think it is that certain things/situations/people bring out sides of us that add to a feeling of pride/joy/contentment/etc. When I am teaching kids I have a feeling of satisfaction and pride in my skills. At work my abilities and knowledge are valued and I am proud of that. A man makes me feel more feminine - more of a woman. I'm a woman all the time of course but there is more woman-ness with a man than there is just being in other moments. Hard to explain. Just a feeling of more warmth and sensuality. And being appreciated for those womanly atributes. And I need love. Lots of love through all of my life; from family, and friends, and men.
 
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AudioDad is offline AudioDad Post #5  July 26,2011, 5:29am
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musubi7 wrote :
Outside, of course, physical stimulation, what is a man supposed to give me that I can't get from either myself or another outlet? With great clarity and conviction, I found myself thinking, "No. I don't need a man."
No, you don't. Not even for physical stimulation - there are quite a number and variety of contraptions that can do that for you nowadays. Viewing men in a purely utilitarian way is a sure recipe for failed relationships. Intimacy (on a variety of levels) and the concept of partnership isn't important for you so stay single and happy. The men of the world will actually thank you for not trying to bring them into your life. Contrary to popular junk psychology, we really don't prefer to be thought of the same way as you would a pair of pliers or a screw driver.
 
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Sparkles56 is offline Sparkles56 Post #6  July 26,2011, 5:41am
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Xable wrote :
It isn't a man/woman thing. It is a partner thing. A partner allows you to enjoy the joys of life and help navigate the trials together with someone at your side.
Agree 100%. There's nothing quite like being with someone who really gets you on a deep level. And it doesn't have to be a man - it could also be a woman, if you're bi or lesbian.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #7  July 26,2011, 6:01am
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I love men. I love the way they think and smell and taste and the feel of their chest hair under my cheek and they way they lead and laugh and flirt and understand and tell me they understand when they haven't the foggiest and reach the top shelves and wash my hair in the shower and kiss me until we forget to breathe and teach me things and make decisions and relish my successes and scare off the monsters under the bed and envelope my hand in their own and walk the dog when it is raining and explain the difference in a good sound system and a great one and take me for a ride and let me sleep while they drive and make me cry and dance with me barefoot in the bedroom and share the last bite and discover a new wine for me and share and sweat and dream and they way they love me.

And my life is wonderful and full and rich and happy, but without the contributions a man makes it is not the same life.
 
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Diann1950 is online now Diann1950 Post #8  July 26,2011, 6:13am
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Dropdeadredtx wrote :
I love men. I love the way they think and smell and taste and the feel of their chest hair under my cheek and they way they lead and laugh and flirt and understand and tell me they understand when they haven't the foggiest and reach the top shelves and wash my hair in the shower and kiss me until we forget to breathe and teach me things and make decisions and relish my successes and scare off the monsters under the bed and envelope my hand in their own and walk the dog when it is raining and explain the difference in a good sound system and a great one and take me for a ride and let me sleep while they drive and make me cry and dance with me barefoot in the bedroom and share the last bite and discover a new wine for me and
And my life is wonderful and full and rich and happy, but without the contributions a man makes it is not the same life.
You are so right, I found one of those and am not letting go. It is really a little crazy to have to wait till you are 60 to find him but better late than never.
 
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FaintestInkling is offline FaintestInkling Post #9  July 26,2011, 6:37am
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I personally have a great, unfulfilled desire to contribute to someone else's life; to be wanted and needed. This is why, to those who feel this way, sex is more than the "stimulation" which you can obviously get "autonomously." It is a powerful expression of that intimacy, that want & need. Only you want and need the other in that way, when you are together; the other only wants and needs you in that way. For example, I would never even think about going to a prostitute, even if it were legal, because I need to have the feeling that the other person (it'd be a woman, in my case ), desires me. I wouldn't have "casual sex" even if she desired me, in the short term, because I need to believe that her desire for me is not "just lust," is not just because I happen to be there, but is "special."

Similarly, other forms of intimacy---sharing secrets, spending great deals of time together ... that feeling of, "I would never do this for anyone but you." And also, "I know that you would never do this for anyone but me."


Obviously, that is the ideal, for me. It is not the motive or ideal of many people. (Which is fine for them, because I'm sure life is easier without such sentimentalism.) And it is not the reality for many or most.

If you do not feel that way---then there is little a partner can "contribute" other than physical stimulation (which could be simulated in some other way).
Last edited by FaintestInkling; July 26,2011 at 7:03am.
 
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HelenDanger is offline HelenDanger Post #10  July 26,2011, 6:40am
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Well first, I'm sorry to hear you're sick. Sounds awful to have your lungs burning! I'll assume you need no worrying about and that you have it all under control etc. Still. Feel better!

You're right that men don't have much of a specific role to play just because they're men. There are very few actions men do that women can't. If a woman wants to be a Jill of all trades and either take care of any and everything that comes her way or pay someone else to do it, she can get along just fine.

My need for a man is purely psychological rather than practical. When I've had to do without, I certainly didn't wither and die. But I strongly prefer to have a male partner by my side. Not a woman. (Love women, don't get me wrong! I am one and I know from considerable experience we are awesome.) I just love the chemistry between me and certain men. LOVE IT. As in major chemistry junkie.

And I enjoy feeling feminine. It's a luxury. Chemistry is a luxury. Just being able to designate gender roles at all is a luxury. It's much like dancing. If you agree together on the dance and you both know your steps well, it's a beautiful experience. But no one is gonna force you to dance. That would be a sucky dance!

So when I say I need a man, it's like saying I need brownies in my life. And dammit, I do need brownies!! I would be super super ticked off if I could never have one again. Certain things are just so pleasurable that they make life living. And intense relationships with men are right up there for me alongside brownies, and trees (Yes, I truly love trees. Yes, I am weird.), and purring cats, and my family, and my friends. Need.
 
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