AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #1  July 18,2011, 11:45pm
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Ok, the last part is just a funny. But, this is a semi-serious topic.

I'm finding myself increasingly frustrated with people who seem to think that I need to validate their friendship by various means. Whether its on Facebook or MySpace or by some other means that really isn't something they deserve (from me).

The guy on Facebook who deleted me for some odd reason then sends me a note saying that it's on me to send the friends request if I want to remain friends is an example. What? You mean YOU deleted ME! But now I'm the one that has to correct the situation? Yeah, right. Not gonna happen.

Of course there is more history behind this situation. My example is just straws that broke the camel's back.

So, I'm wondering how others find themselves dealing with people who continually seek validation in your relationship.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #2  July 19,2011, 4:32am
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I have a couple friends who post that they're 'cleaning out their friends, if you see you've been deleted, no offense, just re-add.' I will delete people if they annoy me/I don't want to be associated with them any longer - like the guy who recently became an outspoken racist - (and I never add people I don't know), but I don't understand making a production out of it.

Also, I have no interest in friending someone who has unfriended me. I'm not offended that they would do so and understand that they had a reason of some sort (I assume it's b/c we don't interact often, they don't like my political stance and don't know how to hide my updates, etc), and will continue to be friendly IRL b/c online stuff really isn't a good measure of friendship anyway, but I don't see why I would seek them out online again.
 
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Abasinphq is offline Abasinphq Post #3  July 19,2011, 4:49am
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I cleaned house when the few people didn't even say hello after I would to them. Maybe it's a number game for some. It blows me away when I see someone add 4 new friends. Where are these people? I only add someone that I have somehow chatted with on a thread like the today show... But I only have a few friends that I had worked with in other states or went to school with and the rest are family that is scattered all over the country. What I want is a real friend that I could actually go and hang out with. I have no friends here where I live.
The people I cleaned off Facebook didn't even notice so that tells me a lot.
 
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SafariGirl74 is offline SafariGirl74 Post #4  July 19,2011, 9:44am
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Though I generally like FB and use it a bit, I don't understand the folks who take it so seriously! I only have about 80 friends and I 'clean house' every few months. I just deleted someone I worked with for all of a year and didn't really like her to begin with. I haven't talked to her in a year and so deleted her. I get a friend request the next day! I think sometimes people use it to validate themselves--"Look how many friends I have!" Thanks, but I'm secure enough to keep it to those I actually talk to (I teach, so a large bulk of that 80 are fellow teachers at my school).

As for the OP, regarding that guy....what a tool!! Ugh!
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #5  July 19,2011, 10:20am
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I have about 450 "friends" on Facebook - but I play a FB game, so I don't know all of them. I notice that this number fluctuates sometimes, and I wonder who deleted me, but it never seems to be people that I actually "know", so I don't care. Sometimes, people stop playing the game and clean house. Or, sometimes, I delete gamer friends that I have not interacted with in a while.

Some "friends" no longer play the game, but I kept them anyway because I like their posts, and they seem to like mine, too. My dad is on my friends list, so my rule of thumb is that I never post anything that I wouldn't want my parents to see anyway. (And, people tell me all the time that they love living vicariously through my online dating exploits, which I post about frequently).

Recently, I was posting some photos online for review for my online profile - asking for votes on which ones were better. There was one guy who I "know" only through the game, and he started to make more and more creepy comments about the photos. A couple of my (actual) friends messaged me to ask "Do you actually know that guy? He seems kind of creepy." I deleted him, then the next day he messaged me to ask "Why did you delete me? Was that because of the comments I made on your photos? That wasn't creepy, please re-add me!" I declined. And, I also deleted a couple of "mutual friends" (gamers) so that he could not see my activities through "friends of friends".

But, that guy was an exception and not the rule. I've stopped playing the game as much as I used to, but I gave the other gamers the option to keep me or delete me. Most of them stayed anyway. I never bother to delete peripheral people that I actually know, even if they are "friends" that I have not seen in over 20 years since High School.
 
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