Getting my life together


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
bridge47 is offline bridge47 Post #1  July 16,2011, 8:51pm
bridge47's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2011

Posts: 24

See profile

I have had a rough past few years being in grad school struggling with severe depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts with lots of ups and downs. My boyfriend was always pretty supportive, but it was a long distance relationship which was hard. My last semester I had a really good therapist who helped me feel in control of my life and emotions and things were good.
I moved to be in the same city as my boyfriend 2 months ago. With great intentions of starting my life over, but I've fallen into some of the same old habits that I've been struggling with over the past few years (procrastination, wasting time, avoiding uncomfortable situations, not keeping my apartment clean etc).

Any ideas to help? I plan on seeing a counselor next month when my benefits start. But they can really be hit or miss in my experience.

I've just turned into such a flake. Today I checked my credit score and it was bad because of a few times my procrastination lead me to being late on payments. I have made some attempts to make friends, but I often don't return phone calls and emails.

I just hate the way I have become and really want to start anew. I posted this here because how I feel and how I view myself I take with me into my relationship.
 
  Reply With Quote
niqht is offline niqht Post #2  July 16,2011, 10:25pm
niqht's Avatar

A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love

Enthusiast

Joined: Jan 2011

Houston

Posts: 659

See profile

bridge47 wrote :
(procrastination, wasting time, avoiding uncomfortable situations, not keeping my apartment clean etc)

I can relate to all of this, but I'm afraid not the anxiety and depression. My ex did have those two though, while not having any of the quoted list. I can tell you I did everything in my power to help her and she was never able to 'set herself free' and actually let her guard down and love me. It came down to me initiating a separation for her sake, which then degraded into divorce.
She is now doing well and says she feels good about her life. Which is what I knew she needed, to find herself.

I can tell you that you need to forget about a relationship for the foreseeable future. You need to find your life as you want to live it and be happy within it.
 
  Reply With Quote
harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #3  July 18,2011, 12:57pm
harnomygirl's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2011

Posts: 6,311

See profile

I'm not sure depression is always real.

I know that's an unpopular thought but I know a few people who've gone both ways with their children. Some have chosen long-term counseling and drugs, and others have chosen behavioral therapy, which is short term. Now that the children are older, I have noticed that the children of the parents who chose drugs are still very dependent on chemicals and parents and medical benefit packages. The others seem to have figured life out. They may flake out sometimes, but they can survive on their own, more or less, just like people did in the old days.

I'd suggest you make a short list of what's important. If your credit score is, then put paying bills on that list and when they are due. Then all you have to do is that. Just meet the very few items on your list. Nothing else right now.

Your life can be self indulgent or not. I really think that unless you have multiple personalities, the choice is really one person's. You are that person.

You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to find life easy. You just have to keep living it until you find what's fun. Most of life is actually good if you look at it the right way. Short term behavioral therapy can help you do that even if you aren't a teenager.
 
  Reply With Quote
mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #4  July 18,2011, 1:24pm
mitchell175's Avatar

mixing metaphors in a mellifluous melange of malapropisms

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2010

Boston, MA... or thereabouts

Posts: 6,360

See profile

harnomygirl wrote :
I'm not sure depression is always real.

You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to find life easy. You just have to keep living it until you find what's fun.
This is exactly the kind of thinking the perpetuates the stigma that depression is "all in your head", and that if a person just "tries to be happy", they can be.

Just think how different all of those news stories about those mothers who drown their newborns because they suffer from postpartum depression would be... Too bad they didn't just "decide to be happy". Then their children would still be alive. Why didn't they think of that sooner?

To the OP - Bridge, I have never been diagnosed with clinical depression or suffered suicidal thoughts, but I know that there have been times in my life when I probably could have benefited from a little talk therapy. I know how you feel about those times when it just seems impossible to do the little things like keep your apartment clean. Sometimes what helps me is to just walk around and try to deal with the "visible clutter". Just making a small dent in that kind of stuff - actually putting the laundry away instead of stacking it in a pile for "later", or going through the junk mail and getting rid of the things you can toss - can go a long way towards a feeling of accomplishment. Sure, your house might still be "messy", but every little bit makes it feel a little "less messy".
 
  Reply With Quote
harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #5  July 18,2011, 1:39pm
harnomygirl's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2011

Posts: 6,311

See profile

mitchell175 wrote :
This is exactly the kind of thinking the perpetuates the stigma that depression is "all in your head", and that if a person just "tries to be happy", they can be.

Just think how different all of those news stories about those mothers who drown their newborns because they suffer from postpartum depression would be... Too bad they didn't just "decide to be happy". Then their children would still be alive. Why didn't they think of that sooner?
Those are the stories that make me wonder. But would they happen if the concept of murder/mutilation being really, really, really bad was instilled in their heads, regardless of how they felt at the moment? I am thinking about a current news story about a woman who mutilated her husband and used a garbage disposal to make sure he would have no recourse. What drove her? I think that ethics control people far more than mood, and that this woman, who refers to her behaviors as habits, really can control her life more than she thinks. I don't think she's as weak on her own as she's been led to believe. She doesn't sound like it to me.

I have no training whatsoever, and I could be wrong, but she doesn't use the same wording as someone of, or for, whom I might be frightened.
 
  Reply With Quote
harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #6  July 18,2011, 2:55pm
harnomygirl's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2011

Posts: 6,311

See profile

Also, I like Tom Cruise. Feel free to ignore anything I say about the current methods of treating depression.

(Please, poster, I really mean that. Don't take it personally. Do whatever feels right to you. No one but you can tell what that is.)
 
  Reply With Quote
Ingytravel is online now Ingytravel Post #7  July 18,2011, 3:35pm
Ingytravel's Avatar

Naps are one of life's great joys:)

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2009

Posts: 8,152

See profile

bridge47 wrote :
I have had a rough past few years being in grad school struggling with severe depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts with lots of ups and downs. My boyfriend was always pretty supportive, but it was a long distance relationship which was hard. My last semester I had a really good therapist who helped me feel in control of my life and emotions and things were good.
I moved to be in the same city as my boyfriend 2 months ago. With great intentions of starting my life over, but I've fallen into some of the same old habits that I've been struggling with over the past few years (procrastination, wasting time, avoiding uncomfortable situations, not keeping my apartment clean etc).

Any ideas to help? I plan on seeing a counselor next month when my benefits start. But they can really be hit or miss in my experience.

I've just turned into such a flake. Today I checked my credit score and it was bad because of a few times my procrastination lead me to being late on payments. I have made some attempts to make friends, but I often don't return phone calls and emails.

I just hate the way I have become and really want to start anew. I posted this here because how I feel and how I view myself I take with me into my relationship.
There is clinical depression and then situational depression...

Yours sounds quite severe and clinical if you have suicidal thoughts as well as it is effecting your daily life.

There is nothing that a dating board website can or should do to help you with this..(I'm not saying that to be mean...I just think it's way too serious to rely on anyone's posts)...You need a trained Psychiatrist or Psychologist...someone who is board certified in dealing with this...

They will be able to decide if you need medication which certainly helps people as if it's clinical...there is an actual physical imbalance in your brain...it's not something you can 'wish' away...

When people feel just a bit blue from time to time...or have sadness after a certain event like divorce or job loss or a death...then that is treated accordingly but usually goes away after a period of time...

It's crucial that you find someone you like going to and whom you can talk to...a boyfriend or even friend/family member cannot help you the way you need. Not only is it too much pressure on them to help you get better...it's something that you need to do on your own with a Dr...That way...you learn coping skills so that no matter what happens in your life...you can handle it in such a way that won't harm yourself...or fall back into these patterns as you are doing now...

Again...this can be achieved with a combination of modalities like medicine, therapy, exercise, eating healthy, and learning new ways to deal with the ups/downs..

I lost one of my best friends to suicide a year and a half ago...He was a father with 3 kids and had just gone through a divorce...but sadly he was not seeing a Dr. as we all encouraged and begged him to...

Please go get the help you need so that you can live a wonderful and joyful life!!
 
  Reply With Quote
SteveManchesterEngland is online now SteveManchesterEngland Post #8  July 18,2011, 3:53pm
SteveManchest…'s Avatar

is too happy

Power Poster

Joined: Dec 2010

rainy uk

Posts: 5,007

See profile

I remember the other thread and I'll repeat what I think I said in it.

I think you should leave him and go back and live with your mother while you get yourself sorted out.
 
  Reply With Quote
mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #9  July 18,2011, 3:57pm
mitchell175's Avatar

mixing metaphors in a mellifluous melange of malapropisms

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2010

Boston, MA... or thereabouts

Posts: 6,360

See profile

harnomygirl wrote :
I have no training whatsoever, and I could be wrong, but she doesn't use the same wording as someone of, or for, whom I might be frightened.
I, for one, am very frightened by this attitude of "Well, she seemed like she was just exaggerating. Huh..."

I also have no training whatsoever, but I do have common sense, and I think it is not a good idea for an untrained non-professional to tell people "it's probably all in your head".

Which just goes to show... why do people come to an advice board like this with any kind of serious problems?
 
  Reply With Quote
Ingytravel is online now Ingytravel Post #10  July 18,2011, 4:03pm
Ingytravel's Avatar

Naps are one of life's great joys:)

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2009

Posts: 8,152

See profile

mitchell175 wrote :
I, for one, am very frightened by this attitude of "Well, she seemed like she was just exaggerating. Huh..."

I also have no training whatsoever, but I do have common sense, and I think it is not a good idea for an untrained non-professional to tell people "it's probably all in your head".

Which just goes to show... why do people come to an advice board like this with any kind of serious problems?
My post is lost in EHA land for now but hope it pops up soon...but I for one am very concerned and hope that Bridge gets the proper care from a Psychologist or Psychologist as it is needed with what she has written...

I lost one of my best friends a year and a half ago...clinical depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain that cannot just be 'wished' away...

I also believe that a dating board website is not a safe place for someone who truly needs help...there is no shame in getting help for depression just as someone would for diabetes or other health issues...
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« No! I won't VALIDATE (your parking) | About You | Decisiveness: How important is it to you? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
45 Life Lessons -- GREAT READ -- which resonate most with you? eHA_Admin_Lori Chit Chat 6 July 8,2011 4:43pm
Your Dating Life - what kind of movie would it be? pammersw Dating 28 September 6,2010 3:03pm
Advantages of the Home Business Life eriff Career 0 September 24,2009 9:22am
Your dating life, in a photo eH_Advice_Admin_Lori Dating 217 August 5,2009 7:41am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Umm....I don't think you are clearly seeing this guy for who he is. He has been with two women at all times... First...it was his wife and you...Then it was you and this other woman....And then now ... ” –  Ingytravel

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“Simple answer to the OP's question: NO. The drama isn't worth it. Tell your boyfriend you don't want to be around him when he's like this (and mean it). Go away, find other things to do, and ... ” –  Lindac7

Join the “Dating a Moody Guy. Is the Drama Worth It???” discussion

“But they are all "jocks," so none interest her. Not only would they never like or get her nerdiness since they are jocks, but as jocks, they don't read, go to museums, go to plays, eat, breath... ... ” –  emma_hazards

Join the “Super active/physically fit men not a match” discussion

“ Heh. I was thinking the same thing, I remember this thread from nearly 2 years ago! But, it is definitely fascinating to see the chip on some people's shoulders, when old threads like this get ... ” –  ScottK

Join the “Do men prefer thin women?” discussion

“Thank you everyone for replying...I think I know what's the right thing to do now. I haven't dated a lot and your advice is very helpful. On a side note, yes, he claims that this is his first time ... ” –  smilingeye

Join the “single mother asking for advice: when to introduce him to my children?” discussion

“No. Usually I am thinking In God's name, why is that kid shrieking like that?! Doesn't his mother hear him? Maybe it gets to the point where the kid's own mother can't even hear him anymore, but ... ” –  Faraday

Join the “Saw You Look” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 9:01am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0