Smoke Section Rants Ch. 2: Skeletons In Your Closet


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Winchentool22 is offline Winchentool22 Post #1  July 16,2011, 9:33am
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Right now, I'm gonna get very personal, and I'll try to watch my language this time. I'm a regular narcossist, so it's gonna happen alot, but right now I'd like to write about this publically, but where no one who knows me will ever read it and call me a freakin' downer again. I guess eHarmony is perfect for that seeing as no one knows I'm on it. But I'm gonna tell a little bit about why men like me tend to go here.

Long story short, no one comes here for one night stands and that kinda works for me (believe it or not). I ran into a female friend of mine I knew in high school and strangely, it was like old times. She was remarkably comfortable talking to me about sex or sexual subjects because all her female friends from high school would judge her or think less of her for anything that was going on, and me, I was a guy so not only was I okay to talk to about that kind of thing, but my stories made her stop thinking less of herself.

When I talk to my friends about our outragious stories, they never fail to burst out laughing at one in particular. I gotta keep it clean, so I won't go too far into detail, but long story short,... the elastic on her braces snapped on me and it hurt so bad, I accidentally head butted the other girl. This cracks all of my friends up, some people don't even believe it's true, but the reason for that is because I leave out the part where I was only 15 when it happened. I wasn't forced, but I didn't exactly think. It wasn't rape because was all for it, it's hard to call it promiscuous since I'm a dude and it wasn't sex, but all the while it was still pretty messed up and it's not even the only time.

I lost my virginity 12 years ago. It's one thing to look back at something and realize how long ago it was, but it's even weirder when it makes you realize how young you were. Especially seeing as I'm 24 now. Not all men who get around are a bunch of tools who objectify women, believe it or not. I've only slept with 5 women, but only 2 were during relationships. All in all, in my list of sexual experiences, there are 54 women and to be honest, there were only about 3 times I didn't feel like hell about it the next day. And I walked through the halls in my high school every day as that long haired off-beat that got harassed as being that guy who "never gets any" and I wasn't about to go bragging about my hot girlfriend who went to college or any of the (for lack of a better term) 'puttin' out' I did. It was like a freakin' boomarang: I dated a semi-popular girl who made up rumors about her and I messing around and I was the one who was pissed off. These girls were gorgious, but I just didn't want any of it to be what I was known for. At 14, my inability to say No effected alot of people in my life: A situation in a resturant bathroom with my cousin's first love, cheating on a girl I was really happy with, making my next door neighbore forever seeing me as "the guy who cheated with her without telling her". From 15-16, I was always dating one of 2 girls. The second is someone I always tried like hell to care for, but she never took me seriously seeing as I pretty much turned her down to stay with the one who was having sex with me.

I got pretty sick of being 'that guy'. I did fall in love 3 years ago, but now I'm on eHarmony, so clearly that went to crap. Granted, I grew up to enjoy being the attractive guy who makes a Fonzie enterance into his favorite bar, because I've always been the type to say "If the folks from High School could see me now", and I love the attention (hey, I'm just being honest). But the difference now, is that I don't use that attention as an excuse to hook up anymore. in the past 2 years, I've forgotten what being in love feels like, but I know there's the possibility of it not sucking. This is really the first time I've ever spilt all this out, and I also don't like to talk about my past addictions either, and I still tell the bracess story to make a crowd fall over laughing and there's a reason for that:

I can't play the victem card for every bad decision I've ever made. It's no way to keep moving along. So we think awhile about who to move along with even though things are a little messed up.
 
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