The Truth About Childless Women


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
eH_Advice_Host_Renee is offline eH_Advice_Host_Renee Post #31  July 17,2011, 8:44am

Writer

Joined: Sep 2008

Santa Monica, CA

Posts: 1,177

See profile

Hi All,

Some off-topic remarks about avatars and another thread has lead this topic astray.

Also, a reminder that members are to have only one Advice Account. If you are having problems logging into your account, you should contact us for assistance through the Contact Us link or by writing to ehadvicealerts@eharmony.com.

Re: Avatar etiquette, members are okay to post any photo as long as it adheres to the guidelines contained in our Moderation Polices:
http://advice.eharmony.com/eharmony-advice-moderation-policies-and-practice.

If you'd like to partcipate on this thread, please help it stay on topic by focusing on the article or article-related comments.

Thank you all for your cooperation.

Renee
eHarmony Advice Host
 
  Reply With Quote
Raw_Truth is offline Raw_Truth Post #32  July 17,2011, 2:23pm
Raw_Truth's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 1,487

See profile

tangochef wrote :
Reading the article it does seem like she had her share of dates, and relationships.

It also states that the guys she has dated in the past have "become fruitful and multiplied".

So, I would put the burden on her as obviously the guys were able to find love elsewhere.

Some women, and men keeping looking for idealised definition of love (whatever it might be) rejecting all partners, and one day wake up and they are 40+, no kids and single.

IMO, feminism sold a really bad bill of goods to single women, and many bit off more than they can chew.
 
  Reply With Quote
warmsunflower is offline warmsunflower Post #33  July 17,2011, 9:56pm

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2011

Posts: 30

See profile

tangochef wrote :
Now, I can see how a woman can find herself childless (assuming she wants children) at 40+. Lets say she graduates from college, and establishes her career, and is ready at 25. That gives her 15 years of prime child bearing years. If she is in a bunch of serial relationships lasting 2-3 years each, well, before you know it, time has run out.

So, if a woman wants children it is very important for her to screen guys carefully up front so she is not wasting those precious 15 years, but at the same time she also needs to make sure that she is not being overly critical and rejecting everyone.

Tough place to be.
I find this to ring most true. Very hard to rule out posers, as some men have finely honed these skills. The series of relationships adding up to a decade of lost time is something a number of posters here would probably identify with, man or woman. The issue is then a woman is blacklisted as "undesirable" vs a man is still in the game for marriage and family. That is the issue, and it is not any one person's fault.

I wonder what became of all the women I messaged on a dating site, when I was 25 to 30? All the women I tried to speak to, only to be dismissed or ignored?
For every 40 and single woman there is a 40 and single man. The odds are that the latter approached the former and got rejected.

This I disagree with. There is not an equal number of single men and women at age 40 and the correlation continues on a negative path through end of life. You forget also that for women, the pool of potential partners similarly decreases due to significantly higher levels of incarceration, addiction, and even homosexuality in the male population vs female. This is outside of common dating issues such as controllers, players, cheaters, things that both genders encounter. It is really tough out there! We are all looking for that one special someone and there is no guarantee we will find it.
 
  Reply With Quote
exanimatebylove is offline exanimatebylove Post #34  July 21,2011, 12:11pm
exanimatebylo…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2011

Saint Paul, MN

Posts: 12

See profile

Hmm... I am not sure what the moral of this story was. I understand she wanted kids but didn't have them because she was not married/had no one to have them with... but, if she wanted children so badly... why not have them anyway?!

I am 24 & single. And children are my whole world. I have worked with children for the past 6 years of my young life. I know beyond a shadow of doubt in my mind... I WILL have children. And that fact doesn't depend upon if I find the right man for me or not. My goal is to have a child before I turn 30. If I am still single at almost 29, I am starting the search for a sperm donor. I refuse to let not having a life partner stop me from having the only other thing I truly desire, a beautiful child of my own.

I guess my point is, if we want something badly enough... we will find a way to get it. The same goes for this woman. I guess her desire for a partner was stronger than her desire for children. And she missed out. I can only hope that maybe she will find someone who already has children.
 
  Reply With Quote
Xable is offline Xable Post #35  July 21,2011, 12:41pm
Xable's Avatar

gives up.

Virtuoso

Joined: Mar 2010

Texas

Posts: 2,607

See profile

exanimatebylove wrote :

I guess my point is, if we want something badly enough... we will find a way to get it. The same goes for this woman. I guess her desire for a partner was stronger than her desire for children. And she missed out. I can only hope that maybe she will find someone who already has children.
I can only speak for myself but my desire for children AND a partner are equal. One is not stronger than the other. Plus, for me, they go hand and hand and cannot be separated. I cannot see myself having children without first having a partner nor could I see myself having a partner without second having children.
 
  Reply With Quote
mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #36  July 21,2011, 1:11pm
mitchell175's Avatar

mixing metaphors in a mellifluous melange of malapropisms

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2010

Boston, MA... or thereabouts

Posts: 6,360

See profile

Xable wrote :
I can only speak for myself but my desire for children AND a partner are equal. One is not stronger than the other. Plus, for me, they go hand and hand and cannot be separated. I cannot see myself having children without first having a partner nor could I see myself having a partner without second having children.
+1

exanimatebylove wrote :
I guess my point is, if we want something badly enough... we will find a way to get it. The same goes for this woman. I guess her desire for a partner was stronger than her desire for children. And she missed out. I can only hope that maybe she will find someone who already has children.
If only life were that simple that you could just "decide to have children" and then you just "have children"... Without regard to how you would manage as a single mother, what kind of support you would have, both financially and emotionally. Could you continue to work and still afford child care? Would you need Government assistance to help provide for your child?

I know plenty of married couples who struggle financially after they have kids - and that is with two incomes. Of course, there are women out there who do it all on their own, without a partner or family or friends to help them. I envy those women who seem able to "have it all". Logistically, I know that is not the right choice for me at this time. No matter how strong my desire may be to have children.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sporty_geek is offline Sporty_geek Post #37  July 21,2011, 6:39pm

Is sooooooo happy!

Unregistered

Joined: Jul 2011

Montreal

Posts: 130

See profile

Hum. This is a strange topic for me. I believe the woman in the article made some choices and is upset with the consequences. Simple as that.
I had my children quite young, I love them. I'm 'doing it all' . I don't need a man (although one would be nice ) and that must scare off some men. The 'perfect family's gone for me, and I have grieved for that.

I think the point of the article at the end of the day is that there is this perfect life some of us picture that may or may not happen for us. And we have to have faith that we will get what we need out of life, not necessarily
what we want.
 
  Reply With Quote
tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #38  July 22,2011, 7:38am
tweet37's Avatar

has all the tools and can........satisfy

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2008

New Jersey

Posts: 7,600

See profile

exanimatebylove wrote :
I am 24 & single. And children are my whole world. I have worked with children for the past 6 years of my young life. I know beyond a shadow of doubt in my mind... I WILL have children. And that fact doesn't depend upon if I find the right man for me or not. My goal is to have a child before I turn 30. If I am still single at almost 29, I am starting the search for a sperm donor. I refuse to let not having a life partner stop me from having the only other thing I truly desire, a beautiful child of my own.

I guess my point is, if we want something badly enough... we will find a way to get it. The same goes for this woman. I guess her desire for a partner was stronger than her desire for children. And she missed out. I can only hope that maybe she will find someone who already has children.
Xable wrote :
I can only speak for myself but my desire for children AND a partner are equal. One is not stronger than the other. Plus, for me, they go hand and hand and cannot be separated. I cannot see myself having children without first having a partner nor could I see myself having a partner without second having children.
mitchell175 wrote :
+1



If only life were that simple that you could just "decide to have children" and then you just "have children"... Without regard to how you would manage as a single mother, what kind of support you would have, both financially and emotionally. Could you continue to work and still afford child care? Would you need Government assistance to help provide for your child?

I know plenty of married couples who struggle financially after they have kids - and that is with two incomes. Of course, there are women out there who do it all on their own, without a partner or family or friends to help them. I envy those women who seem able to "have it all". Logistically, I know that is not the right choice for me at this time. No matter how strong my desire may be to have children.
I used to question the motives or lack of responsibility of single women with kids until my cousin decided she wanted one of her own and didn't see marriage in the picture and was approaching 40. And it wasn't an anonymous sperm donor, they knew each other. Her view, the guy was good breeding stock but not her type of life partner. (Reminds me of the movie The Big Chill.)

To each their own. *shrugs*
 
  Reply With Quote
themicrochip is offline themicrochip Post #39  July 25,2011, 9:06am
themicrochip's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2011

Garfield, NJ

Posts: 46

See profile

At least you have the opportunity and chance to have a "donor." Men don't get that chance.

Men feel the same pressure as women. My brother got engaged at 25 and I'm 29 and have only had 3 long-term relationships and none longer than 5 months.

All the time I have friends and family asking "Well don't you have a date?" "I thought you were married." "That's not your kid over there?"

exanimatebylove wrote :
Hmm... I am not sure what the moral of this story was. I understand she wanted kids but didn't have them because she was not married/had no one to have them with... but, if she wanted children so badly... why not have them anyway?!

I am 24 & single. And children are my whole world. I have worked with children for the past 6 years of my young life. I know beyond a shadow of doubt in my mind... I WILL have children. And that fact doesn't depend upon if I find the right man for me or not. My goal is to have a child before I turn 30. If I am still single at almost 29, I am starting the search for a sperm donor. I refuse to let not having a life partner stop me from having the only other thing I truly desire, a beautiful child of my own.

I guess my point is, if we want something badly enough... we will find a way to get it. The same goes for this woman. I guess her desire for a partner was stronger than her desire for children. And she missed out. I can only hope that maybe she will find someone who already has children.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Nice guy vs real man. | About You | How can you get feedback if you're alone? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Intelligent Women satori_123 Dating 454 April 17,2012 5:44am
Do guys prefer open & agressive characteristics in women? Pris Ask a Dating Expert 41 September 15,2011 1:22pm
Women and Their Psychological Relationship with Their Pets passat1 About You 15 September 16,2010 3:22pm
Women, Emotions, and Society WeDesignOurLives What makes us tick? 6 March 27,2010 6:37pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Umm....I don't think you are clearly seeing this guy for who he is. He has been with two women at all times... First...it was his wife and you...Then it was you and this other woman....And then now ... ” –  Ingytravel

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“Simple answer to the OP's question: NO. The drama isn't worth it. Tell your boyfriend you don't want to be around him when he's like this (and mean it). Go away, find other things to do, and ... ” –  Lindac7

Join the “Dating a Moody Guy. Is the Drama Worth It???” discussion

“But they are all "jocks," so none interest her. Not only would they never like or get her nerdiness since they are jocks, but as jocks, they don't read, go to museums, go to plays, eat, breath... ... ” –  emma_hazards

Join the “Super active/physically fit men not a match” discussion

“ Heh. I was thinking the same thing, I remember this thread from nearly 2 years ago! But, it is definitely fascinating to see the chip on some people's shoulders, when old threads like this get ... ” –  ScottK

Join the “Do men prefer thin women?” discussion

“Thank you everyone for replying...I think I know what's the right thing to do now. I haven't dated a lot and your advice is very helpful. On a side note, yes, he claims that this is his first time ... ” –  smilingeye

Join the “single mother asking for advice: when to introduce him to my children?” discussion

“No. Usually I am thinking In God's name, why is that kid shrieking like that?! Doesn't his mother hear him? Maybe it gets to the point where the kid's own mother can't even hear him anymore, but ... ” –  Faraday

Join the “Saw You Look” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 8:56am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0