How can you get feedback if you're alone?


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NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #21  July 11,2011, 5:55pm
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There are oceans of feelings between us

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As someone mentioned, it could be social awkwardness. It doesn't take much to give off the wrong social cues. It could be as simple as lingering near someone for an extra second or two. It could be a delayed laugh or an inappropriate facial expression.

My advice is to place an ad someplace where it will get a lot of exposure. Ask for someone to give you lessons in daily interactions. You could begin by stating you are new to the culture and need assistance in everyday situations.

It really sounds to me as though it's the social cues you're missing. I've met people like this. It's as if they just landed here from another planet and never had to deal with other humans.

I really think a personal teacher/trainer can help you.

Good luck.
 
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Livingontheedge is offline Livingontheedge Post #22  July 12,2011, 9:08pm
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Relax a little bit, get comfortable with who you are as an indivdual, stop trying so hard to "fix" yourself. The first step in others liking you is liking yourself. You aren't bizarre... you are different, and that is okay! Try learning about other peoples body language and then apply it to the people that you interact with. You've reached out here and had some great responses, you just may have to learn how to recognize the small signs that indicate an offer of friendship. Best wishes my friend
 
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annother is offline annother Post #23  July 13,2011, 4:48am
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Azalias, I have been following this thread and each time you post I find out a little more about you. You are an interesting fellow!

As PicturePerfect suggested, if you stick around these boards for a while and contribute to the discussions occasionally, it will be easier for us to get to know you. We can learn a lot from your responses to others. Another advantage to your participation here will be for you to realize that many of us are similarly trying to make new friends.

There are many reasons why it can be difficult to make friends, but being at a university isn't one of them! This can be a wonderful way to meet people of a similar age and intelligence, and those opportunities don't come along very often.

You have offered to update this thread with your progress, and I hope that you do that. I also hope that some of our suggestions help you.
 
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Azalias is offline Azalias Post #24  July 13,2011, 11:24am
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Much obliged for all the feedback folks!

So far I'm seeing a therapist, a counselor who told me I should stick with the therapist and to not come back, and now I'm looking into hiring a life coach to get the appropriate feedback and analysis that I cannot provide myself with (I'll avoid posting an ad myself for now as suggested because I'd rather run this by others first). I will also look into other institutions that deal with socially rehabilitating disabled people or somesuch.

I have also been reading those Dr.Wayne books, and while very interesting from a philosophical perspective, I do have one point that I am unclear on: While he may be very right in what he says, he doesn't quite tell people how to truly convince themselves of what he says. That we are in fact capable etc...

As far as I understand, we have our beliefs due to whatever concrete and non concrete evidence we have from our experiences. To truly believe something else, we would need counter-evidence or new evidence, but without those, I'm not sure how to change mind sets. Yet if we keep on failing to get our counter evidence because of whatever situation we are locked in, then it'll remain a vicious circle. So essentially, you know you should believe yourself powerful, but you cannot because you don't know how to. It's as if you thank someone because you know you should, rather than truly being grateful, because you don't know how to be grateful.

But I digress, that's just the book and I'll keep on reading, maybe I missed a point or the point.

As for contributing to the forums, while I would very much love to be useful, I'm far from being qualified or knowledgeable in any of these areas. It would be similar to asking a poor fellow for advice on how to get richer. Of course, being a student, I do have access to our research and scholarly articles which I could paraphrase and share, but I don't know if that's a breach of copyright laws or some such. Perhaps if I cite as I usually would or keep it vague enough to refer to any potential article...

Meeting friends in the University so far has born little fruit unfortunately, for reasons I cannot understand. Again, were I to venture an uninformed guess, it could be a lack of compatibility with most others, (I.E. the bizarreness or the different in me), which I am not looking to change. I am who I am, and that is ok, but it seems the price to pay for this is...high. That is, assuming my assumption here is correct that I cannot find people who like me because of the difference.

I have tried observing others, replicating some body language, smiling more, but whether or not it's working or being done properly, I have no idea. Therein lies the shame of not having feedback since you're alone.

If it is some sort of skill issue, then I will hopefully find out soon and will try to amend it this way. If it is mere compatibility, then I will forever be on the search for matches. If it is simply a matter of fate or divine imposition, Heavens help me as I consider some more expensive alternatives. As you can see, it's troublesome to deal with a problem while having nearly no information whatsoever, unclear parameters and solutions that aren't clearly right or wrong. Interesting puzzle though.

At any rate your input is still very valuable, and I am actively trying to incorporate them into my quest for human basics 101. While I cannot (or at least don't think I can) thank you or return the favor personally, know that I am grateful for it.

EDIT: Oh and to clarify, I never lack opportunities to interact with others, what with my two volunteering positions, hopefully an internship I'm about to take and my adventuring in the city trying out different things.

EDIT: There, see, this post = a novel on a supposedly simple problem. And we claim there's nothing wrong with me? :P

EDIT: Oh, how could I forget? I also opened an E-Harmony account. My assumption being that if it is just a compatibility problem, then I should be finding people who'd want to talk to me online by virtue of similar wavelength. I might call in and ask for tech support to also open my account to men seeking men at some point, since I probably shouldn't be picky with this. Expensive yes, but at least I'm matched with like-minded individuals I can hopefully speak to. I also get the personality profile which hopefully will provide more details for me to actively use at some point.
Last edited by Azalias; July 13,2011 at 11:52am. Reason: Clarification
 
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Azalias is offline Azalias Post #25  July 26,2011, 5:18am
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Since I mentioned I would update this thread, I assume now's a good time as any though there hasn't been much progress in terms of results.

That said, I am now consulting religious figures, therapists, am still reading books, still attempting to maximize opportunities and will soon be joining a Yoga class.

Despite my best attempts however, I find that I always end up with more questions than answers, more confusion that clarity.

It seems this is a vicious circle since, based on the evidence I have, I am incapable of breaking out of this myself, yet to break out of it, I would need external help which is the actual problem itself. After all, he who teaches himself has a fool for a master as I was once told. Unfortunate it is that structured meetings with counselors are far too different from day-to-day interactions.

Regardless, I will give myself an additional month before considering alternatives. 2 years and a half is a long time to go without being able to function as basically as possible, and I find my patience running thin.

And with that, this was my update.
 
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