BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #1  July 3,2011, 5:53pm
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It seems like people have a plethora of rules, parameters, guidelines, codes of conduct, etc. when it comes to dating and relationships, but how do we really know if any of the aformentioned is going to gurantee us happiness, longevity and mutual love, honor and respect?

So, we put people through firey hoops and mental mazes in order to protect ourselves from being hurt, but how can we know for certain that we will not get hurt down the line?

Granted, we want what we want and like what we like, but what does that really mean? As far as we know, we can be putting our future ex-husbands/wives, ex bf/gf's and future assaulters, killers, abusers through a series of tests or we can do the same for our future lifetime partners(regardless of gender) who will love us unconditionally.

So, when will we realize that the only way we will really know what is going to happen in our romantic lives is via participation as well as taking a chance?

B.Y.
 
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Apuleuis is offline Apuleuis Post #2  July 3,2011, 6:04pm
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Yes and no. What if my Mr. Perfect comes along while I'm giving someone a chance that probably didn't deserve it?

There is an advantage to taking a risk on someone, and there's the disadvantage of wasting your time on them. I'm not getting any younger

P.S. I have dated many different types by now, so think I have a pretty good idea if what I want. For someone that that hasn't really dated, then yes, giving people a chance is a good thing for sure.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  July 3,2011, 6:29pm
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It's right to take a chance when the matter is unproven assumption ("People with tattoo are ...")

It's not right to take a chance when the matter is compatibility (they tried to smoke pot in my house.)
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #4  July 3,2011, 6:51pm
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Apuleuis wrote :
Yes and no. What if my Mr. Perfect comes along while I'm giving someone a chance that probably didn't deserve it?

There is an advantage to taking a risk on someone, and there's the disadvantage of wasting your time on them. I'm not getting any younger

P.S. I have dated many different types by now, so think I have a pretty good idea if what I want. For someone that that hasn't really dated, then yes, giving people a chance is a good thing for sure.
How do you know that your Mr. Perfect is indeed Mr. Perfect? How do you know that someone else doesn't deserve you let alone you deserving his best?

Granted, you may be a good judge of character, but even your expertise is not 100% proof. Sometimes, what we think is, isn't and what we think isn't, is. You have no more gurantees on love than you do coming home safe from work.

Just food for thought.

B.Y.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #5  July 3,2011, 7:00pm
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D_Lion wrote :
It's right to take a chance when the matter is unproven assumption ("People with tattoo are ...")

It's not right to take a chance when the matter is compatibility (they tried to smoke pot in my house.)
Either way, there are no gurantees. Someone with tats can get them removed. They can even be deemed incompatible. Someone who smokes weed can stop and be the most compatible person to you. I am not suggesting that we should not have rules, I am saying that there are no gurantees and we may have preemptively assessed some people inaccurately on both ends of the spectrum.

B.Y.
 
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PictureImperfect is offline PictureImperfect Post #6  July 3,2011, 7:17pm
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BabyYoda wrote :
So, when will we realize that the only way we will really know what is going to happen in our romantic lives is via participation as well as taking a chance?

B.Y.
An excellent question.

The only way to know what will happen in our romantic lives is to let a romantic life happen.

We can take only reasonable precautions, knowing that even then there are no guaranteed outcomes except, perhaps, in one case. If one takes no chances, one risks little or nothing, but the price for this security is the nearly guaranteed outcome of no romantic partner.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #7  July 3,2011, 7:31pm
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BabyYoda wrote :
Either way, there are no gurantees. Someone with tats can get them removed. They can even be deemed incompatible. Someone who smokes weed can stop and be the most compatible person to you. I am not suggesting that we should not have rules, I am saying that there are no gurantees and we may have preemptively assessed some people inaccurately on both ends of the spectrum.

I don't dispute you - but, like defensive driving, I am not going to wait to find out that the idiot whose car cost less than my car wash is actually going to stop for the stop sign that they are about to run through ...

I will just apply my brakes, and let them sail off into the distance.
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #8  July 3,2011, 7:35pm
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BabyYoda wrote :
It seems like people have a plethora of rules, parameters, guidelines, codes of conduct, etc. when it comes to dating and relationships, but how do we really know if any of the aformentioned is going to gurantee us happiness, longevity and mutual love, honor and respect?
...

So, when will we realize that the only way we will really know what is going to happen in our romantic lives is via participation as well as taking a chance?

...
The two are not mutually exclusive. If the person passes the initial obvious "standards" then one participates via dates to discover the rest.

I am not going to give a chance to someone that I am not attracted to. If I am attracted to her, then the next step is to see if there is any chemistry. Once that is established, then the "getting to know you" phase starts. Eventually you find out if it is a match or not for either party.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #9  July 3,2011, 8:14pm
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PictureImperfect wrote :
An excellent question.

The only way to know what will happen in our romantic lives is to let a romantic life happen.

We can take only reasonable precautions, knowing that even then there are no guaranteed outcomes except, perhaps, in one case. If one takes no chances, one risks little or nothing, but the price for this security is the nearly guaranteed outcome of no romantic partner.
Exactly! Most people start relationships on a good foot, but may change his/her behavior during the course of the relationship. When people get together with people, do they really think that they will break up with their partner for whatever reason a few months or years down the road? I say no. Does that mean people made a poor choice in mates? It is possible.

I guess the point of this thread is that there is no amount of precaution going to gurantee us any success in any relationship. It is not that simple. Success in relationships takes work, effort, a positive attitude, an open mind and maybe contrite heart which can be challenging at times.

I do like your post and especially love the latter portion of your post. I could not have said it better myself. Thanks!

B.Y.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #10  July 3,2011, 8:18pm
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tangochef wrote :
The two are not mutually exclusive. If the person passes the initial obvious "standards" then one participates via dates to discover the rest.
And said "standards" can also be a lie. People do lie and/or cover up past and/or present transgressions.

wrote :
I am not going to give a chance to someone that I am not attracted to. If I am attracted to her, then the next step is to see if there is any chemistry. Once that is established, then the "getting to know you" phase starts. Eventually you find out if it is a match or not for either party.
Not to be misunder/overstood, I understand and agree with you. I even believe that we should have standards and guidelines. I just think that said rules and guidelines have no gurantees even if we find our mates to be physcially attractive. Looks fade, but personalities usually stay the same(with exceptions and circumstances permitting).

B.Y.
 
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