Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #21  July 4,2011, 2:01am
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says this is the best wedding picture!

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Low self esteem, low self respect, and low confidence cause this.
 
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DreamGetaway is offline DreamGetaway Post #22  July 4,2011, 5:46am
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It is not always about low self esteem. The hormone oxytocin is VERY powerful. Once a woman sleeps with a guy and the oxytocin kicks in you are often hooked like a drug. Sometimes you just don't know what you don't know. Until you get away from a ad relationship and experience a GREAT relationship you just don't know what GOOD or GREAT feel like. Howeveh, once you experience a GOOD or GREAT relationship you will never settle for less.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #23  July 4,2011, 6:12am
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Mr_Right wrote :
Low self esteem, low self respect, and low confidence cause this.
LOL - I said that three pages ago.
 
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Trixie1968 is offline Trixie1968 Post #24  July 4,2011, 11:21am

well, well, well.

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Mr_Right wrote :
Low self esteem, low self respect, and low confidence cause this.
I wouldn't put money on it.

If your wife hadn't have been a decent person and instead treated you badly on occassion, you'd still love her as much, you'd still want to work things out, you'd still try to stay with her ~ and you'd have been exactly the same person you were.
 
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jtkdp is online now jtkdp Post #25  July 4,2011, 2:28pm
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I've certainly seen it too, time and time again where a woman will go back to the same guys who can't commit, or have hurt them physically, emotionally, economically or in other ways.

Another variation is the women that will go back to the same types of guys again and again. She keeps dating 'tools' hoping that this one is different, and actually seems surprised when it all hits the fan again, just like the one before that, and before that.

Both types of wome seem to be aware that better men are out there, they just can't make the leap.

brneyed and curiousgirl raised an interesting point, but in my experience, I've had women walk away from me without ever mentioning an "issue"...In fact two were singing my praises and saying what an incredible man I was as they left...am I too incredible? Is that the "issue"? Anyone who did mention an "issue" didn't want to discuss, they just wanted to go.

As for me, certainly there are a couple of women I'd get back with, but it is because they were the best I've ever seen, and did nothing wrong, not because they were the same-old same-old, or I wanted to change them.
 
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Angelkrista is offline Angelkrista Post #26  July 4,2011, 3:01pm
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It happens to the best of us.

I fell in love with a man that treated me good. Not great, but I was happy, felt valued and loved.

I was and am a very confident person.

He changed gradually over the years, but I still loved him. I couldn't walk away from the only person I had ever loved until I had exhausted every possible opportunity for us. I did not want regrets. Over the course of the years we got back together after a 1-3 month break a total of 4 times. I didn't let him come back because I thought I couldn't "do better", I allowed it because I loved him. Sometimes it is just that simple.
 
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lizzy1999 is offline lizzy1999 Post #27  July 5,2011, 7:07am
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I don't think this is gender-specific, but I can understand why you are asking this question. I've heard it from my guy friends many times. I think what everyone else has wrote so far is spot on.

I really do think it's because these women (or men) are just not emotionally mature or healthy. There are just too many unresolved issues and it takes a really clear mind to recognize it. It's best not to be too judgmental when people do this - as emotions are complicated and we are human. We make mistakes - some of us make the same mistakes again and again. If it was easy to learn and fix these mistakes, life would be a lot easier, and we wouldn't have all the battle scars that we get through life. It's in everyone's best interest not to judge people too harshly in these situations - and to have compassion for them because they are putting themselves through great suffering.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #28  July 14,2011, 5:35pm
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Trixie1968 wrote :
I wouldn't put money on it.

If your wife hadn't have been a decent person and instead treated you badly on occassion, you'd still love her as much, you'd still want to work things out, you'd still try to stay with her ~ and you'd have been exactly the same person you were.
And this is why I did a extensive screening process before I said "I do."
 
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EstherM is offline EstherM Post #29  July 18,2011, 1:10pm
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In no particular order, off the top of my head:

1) Scared of being alone
2) Need to have someone "love" them
3) Believe that anything that goes wrong is their own fault
4) Has no better options (or can not see any better options)
5) Not getting any love from any other source (family, friends)
6) Doesn't believe that anyone could ever love them
7) Doesn't want to do the hard work of being on their own and developing a new relationship with someone else
8) Wants to prove that everyone else is wrong about their guy
9) Is afraid of the unknown (and would rather put up with the horrors of the known)
10) Believes that if they just "fix" it (and stop screwing up the relationship), then they will have that wonderful honeymoon stage all the time
11) Prides themselves in being able to "stick with it" and "put in the effort"
12) Has always admired those who could "stand by their man"

I'm sure there are many other reasons that apply to one degree or another to each person who clings to a negative relationship. Not all of these reasons are bad ones. Some of these traits are very positive traits. They just need to be tempered with a bit more wisdom.

Esther.
 
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