Help~I think I have a Man Anxiety Complexity Problem~


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ValentineBaby11 is offline ValentineBaby11 Post #1  June 14,2011, 12:32pm
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Um...I think this actually has been going on in my life for a while.
I always have trouble interacting with guys I found attractive.

When a guy does give an inviting gesture (give me his number, and found a reason to see me, etc) and if I also find him attractive, I am even more scared ~~and usually would dread even having to talk him.... (but then, I also want to get to know him more)

It seems that through the years I can only be comfortable around a guy if I tell myself we are only going to be friends and no more...

Is there something wrong with me? Why I have no problem laying my eyes on a female stranger and smile but totally can never do that to a guy?

How do you overcome that and be natural without first putting up the friend zone only mentality? and what's a chemistry? How do you create chemistry or feminine energy?

Sigh, my mom gives me a cute face, but never had a chance to teach me how to be a women around guys.... and I can't figure that part out on my own...

so your advice is highly appreciated.........

Thanks.

May we all find our true love soon ^_^
 
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Sparky68 is offline Sparky68 Post #2  June 14,2011, 1:08pm
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ValentineBaby11 wrote :
Um...I think this actually has been going on in my life for a while.
I always have trouble interacting with guys I found attractive.

When a guy does give an inviting gesture (give me his number, and found a reason to see me, etc) and if I also find him attractive, I am even more scared ~~and usually would dread even having to talk him.... (but then, I also want to get to know him more)

It seems that through the years I can only be comfortable around a guy if I tell myself we are only going to be friends and no more...

Do you not trust yourself?

Is there something wrong with me? Why I have no problem laying my eyes on a female stranger and smile but totally can never do that to a guy?

How do you overcome that and be natural without first putting up the friend zone only mentality?

How do you become confident about doing anything? Do it until it becomes natural.

and what's a chemistry?

Chemistry, as I understand it, is the "spark" between two people. Some levels of Chemistry are rare.

How do you create chemistry or feminine energy?

Sigh, my mom gives me a cute face, but never had a chance to teach me how to be a women around guys.... and I can't figure that part out on my own...

Sounds like you need a life coach

so your advice is highly appreciated.........

Thanks.

May we all find our true love soon ^_^
Comments above in red.
 
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ValentineBaby11 is offline ValentineBaby11 Post #3  June 14,2011, 1:51pm
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@Sparky68: Thank you for the response.
I guess you probably are right... I am probably not really trusting myself out there and open up myself. ~~
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  June 14,2011, 2:02pm
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Hi ValentineBaby11 and welcome to EHA!

Well ... there's a lot more possibility with a guy you find attractive, so maybe they touch off some shyness or social anxiety in you?

I wonder if online dating would help you with this ... because every guy you interact with on an online dating site is *clearly* looking for a relationship of some kind, not just a friend. So there'd be no questioning or ambiguity in your mind about what's going on?
 
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eha_answer_man is offline eha_answer_man Post #5  June 14,2011, 2:02pm

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you really might benefit from some professional counseling to help you work through this; seriously; i am not making light of your situation in any way.
 
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HelenDanger is offline HelenDanger Post #6  June 14,2011, 2:02pm
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Maybe pretend he's a platonic friend who isn't interested in you. But one you hope to tempt to the dark side. That way you flirt without having any expectations. Just try not to freeze when he surprises you by responding!
 
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Jaigar is offline Jaigar Post #7  June 14,2011, 2:35pm
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Sparky is dead on. It comes down to self-confidence. It takes some time to build; you can do more than just practice. Working out (if you don't already) can actually build alot of confidence. Hopefully you can find a way that works for you.
 
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curiousgirl123 is offline curiousgirl123 Post #8  June 14,2011, 5:42pm
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ValentineBaby11 wrote :
Um...I think this actually has been going on in my life for a while.
I always have trouble interacting with guys I found attractive.
....
Just tell yourself 'I'm just being friendly', it works like magic .
 
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musubi7 is offline musubi7 Post #9  June 14,2011, 8:04pm
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ValentineBaby11 wrote :
Um...I think this actually has been going on in my life for a while.
I always have trouble interacting with guys I found attractive.

When a guy does give an inviting gesture (give me his number, and found a reason to see me, etc) and if I also find him attractive, I am even more scared ~~and usually would dread even having to talk him.... (but then, I also want to get to know him more)

It seems that through the years I can only be comfortable around a guy if I tell myself we are only going to be friends and no more...

Is there something wrong with me? Why I have no problem laying my eyes on a female stranger and smile but totally can never do that to a guy?

How do you overcome that and be natural without first putting up the friend zone only mentality? and what's a chemistry? How do you create chemistry or feminine energy?

Sigh, my mom gives me a cute face, but never had a chance to teach me how to be a women around guys.... and I can't figure that part out on my own...

so your advice is highly appreciated.........

Thanks.

May we all find our true love soon ^_^

Well, I can't offer any advice, but a gesture of solidarity.

I'm in the same boat as you are, although outside of class projects, guys tend to pay me little attention. So, take comfort that you're at least a step ahead of someone.
 
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szgorzelski is offline szgorzelski Post #10  June 19,2011, 9:16am
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ValentineBaby11 wrote :
Um...I think this actually has been going on in my life for a while.
I always have trouble interacting with guys I found attractive.

When a guy does give an inviting gesture (give me his number, and found a reason to see me, etc) and if I also find him attractive, I am even more scared ~~and usually would dread even having to talk him.... (but then, I also want to get to know him more)

It seems that through the years I can only be comfortable around a guy if I tell myself we are only going to be friends and no more...

Is there something wrong with me? Why I have no problem laying my eyes on a female stranger and smile but totally can never do that to a guy?

How do you overcome that and be natural without first putting up the friend zone only mentality? and what's a chemistry? How do you create chemistry or feminine energy?

Sigh, my mom gives me a cute face, but never had a chance to teach me how to be a women around guys.... and I can't figure that part out on my own...

so your advice is highly appreciated.........

Thanks.

May we all find our true love soon ^_^
You're not alone. This is a pretty common problem for a lot of people. Many people that have this problem find it easy to flirt with people they are unattracted to, but it gets harder as the level of attraction goes up.
 
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