beccaf87 is offline beccaf87 Post #1  June 13,2011, 6:17pm
beccaf87's Avatar

Board Leader - Travel

Joined: Sep 2010

Posts: 1,134

See profile

When you begin dating someone new how much do you share about past relationships? Do you talk about just the more important ones or none at all?

How important is someones past? If all the relationships ended badly, what would you think of the person? Would it matter whose fault it was for it ending or the terms of its end? Does age that they were in those relationships matter? Or does just the present matter?

Just hypothetical questions, not specifically relating to me. Just want general opinions. Well I guess I could relate it to me, but not the point.
 
  Reply With Quote
Angelkrista is offline Angelkrista Post #2  June 13,2011, 6:23pm
Angelkrista's Avatar

Shouldn't I have all of this...and passionate kisses?

Board Leader - Movies

Joined: Apr 2011

South Carolina

Posts: 650

See profile

Personally, I would eventually want my partner to know all the past significant relationships and anything pertinent about them, they are a reflection of me, to some extent.

The kind of trust and closeness I would require to divulge this stuff would take quite some time, in most cases.

I would want to know the same about my partner, again, since it is a reflection of that person, but I would not (and have not) require it.

This is very personal stuff and the answers will vary from person to person. You'll just have to either feel em out or ask straight up, and only do what is comfortable for you.
Good luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
LDJ is offline LDJ Post #3  June 13,2011, 6:33pm
LDJ's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2010

Venus, apparently

Posts: 1,524

See profile

I figure that people will tell you only the version of the storey they want you to hear, so there is not much point in putting a lot of stock into an "interview" type of conversation of this nature. I prefer for this sort of information to fall into conversation over time, such as "once my ex an I did....." and at that time ask a question or two.

If I am asked, I answer honestly but don't offer details beyond what I am asked specifically.

If I were to go the "interview" route, I'd only be interested in the recent history, but then I'm twice the OPs age.
 
  Reply With Quote
boomer_gal is online now boomer_gal Post #4  June 13,2011, 6:35pm
boomer_gal's Avatar

lives where there are rainbows

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2010

Honolulu

Posts: 2,515

See profile

No need to bring up any relationships prior to my marriage. They are ancient history. I tell dates very little about my ex husband initially. Eventually, I will give them some information. Haven't yet gotten to the point where I will go into a great deal of detail. My ex had mental health issues & they are really not anybody's business. I wouldn't go into details about that until things were fairly serious.
 
  Reply With Quote
suzyque is offline suzyque Post #5  June 13,2011, 6:49pm
suzyque's Avatar

.

Veteran

Joined: Aug 2009

Minnesota

Posts: 1,143

See profile

beccaf87 wrote :
When you begin dating someone new how much do you share about past relationships? Do you talk about just the more important ones or none at all?

How important is someones past? If all the relationships ended badly, what would you think of the person? Would it matter whose fault it was for it ending or the terms of its end? Does age that they were in those relationships matter? Or does just the present matter?

Just hypothetical questions, not specifically relating to me. Just want general opinions. Well I guess I could relate it to me, but not the point.
Past relationships matter a lot to me.

Infidelity is a deal breaker. I'd find it hard to trust them with me. If I found out a past relationship (marriage not a dating one) ended because he cheated on her, I'd end it no matter my feelings for him. It shows they can't honor their commitments.
 
  Reply With Quote
harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #6  June 13,2011, 8:36pm
harnomygirl's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2011

Posts: 6,311

See profile

suzyque wrote :
Infidelity is a deal breaker. I'd find it hard to trust them with me. If I found out a past relationship (marriage not a dating one) ended because he cheated on her, I'd end it no matter my feelings for him. It shows they can't honor their commitments.
...especially if he said it was because she let herself go. I don't see how any woman could ever trust a man who thinks like that about a life partner.
 
  Reply With Quote
KikiAZ is online now KikiAZ Post #7  June 14,2011, 8:54am
KikiAZ's Avatar

posting from the 6th largest city in America

Veteran

Joined: Apr 2011

Posts: 1,633

See profile

I think past relationships are important too.

I listen to what is said (tone) and assume, though, that I am not hearing the whole story.

Patterns are the key, for me. Three wives who divorced you after two years? Buh-bye.
 
  Reply With Quote
tangochef is offline tangochef Post #8  June 14,2011, 9:13am
tangochef's Avatar

is happy to be home.

Veteran

Joined: May 2011

Southern CA

Posts: 2,348

See profile

I mention enough to answer questions, but that is about it.

The problem I have seen is some women, for whatever reason, start comparing themselves to your exes.

I had a great time with someone on a date a few years ago. However, she would not see me again after I told her the age of my ex-wife (in an answer to her question).

Her comment was "You will just dump me for someone younger later". Funny thing was she was 9 years younger than myself already.

I guess she must have had some insecurities...
 
  Reply With Quote
retrorv is offline retrorv Post #9  June 14,2011, 9:20am

Newbie

Joined: Jan 2011

Tucson

Posts: 43

See profile

For those of us over 40, I think its important not only to hear about past long term relationships but also how the person talks about their ex. I was married for over 20 years and my ex was unfaithful with me. The divorce was extremely painful and its important for a future mate to know about that. I've forgiven my ex and we now have a good relationship and we're raising our daughter together. The last woman I dated had been divorced for 3 years when I met her but she still carried a lot of anger towards her ex. She bad mouthed him all the time. That was a huge a red flag and I should have addressed it at the time. After a 10 month relationship she dumped me out of the blue one day (over the phone no less). In hindsight, it was obvious she was incapable of forming a bond with another person because she was so busy hating on her ex. So I think its necessary to learn about past long term relationships.
 
  Reply With Quote
harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #10  June 14,2011, 9:46am
harnomygirl's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2011

Posts: 6,311

See profile

retrorv wrote :
it was obvious she was incapable of forming a bond with another person because she was so busy hating on her ex. So I think its necessary to learn about past long term relationships.
I agree with that. Hatred and disdain for an ex-spouse are huge red flags indicating that the other person isn't ready to move on. Eventually everyone has to recognize some factor in the breakup other than that he/she was a lazy, stupid, cruel monster. They should share that kinder view with their new partner. They don't have to like the ex, but they should not be passionate or derisive about them.

A good way to get over an ex is to prepare non-inflammatory ways of describing their behavior.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« First Jobs | About You | ENDING UP ALONE »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Love and Relationships Nanette Nanette's Nook 0 November 10,2010 2:43pm
promiscous past topper Ask a Dating Expert 128 May 17,2010 2:52am
Should Past Relationships be an Indicator of poor judgement?! jussmile Dating 88 February 14,2010 1:54pm
Getting Over My Girlfriend's Past Lovers? vitamins Ask a Dating Expert 105 February 12,2010 3:37pm
Moving On: How to Let Go of Past Relationships auroraforever About You 6 November 27,2009 7:54pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Umm....I don't think you are clearly seeing this guy for who he is. He has been with two women at all times... First...it was his wife and you...Then it was you and this other woman....And then now ... ” –  Ingytravel

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“Simple answer to the OP's question: NO. The drama isn't worth it. Tell your boyfriend you don't want to be around him when he's like this (and mean it). Go away, find other things to do, and ... ” –  Lindac7

Join the “Dating a Moody Guy. Is the Drama Worth It???” discussion

“But they are all "jocks," so none interest her. Not only would they never like or get her nerdiness since they are jocks, but as jocks, they don't read, go to museums, go to plays, eat, breath... ... ” –  emma_hazards

Join the “Super active/physically fit men not a match” discussion

“ Heh. I was thinking the same thing, I remember this thread from nearly 2 years ago! But, it is definitely fascinating to see the chip on some people's shoulders, when old threads like this get ... ” –  ScottK

Join the “Do men prefer thin women?” discussion

“Thank you everyone for replying...I think I know what's the right thing to do now. I haven't dated a lot and your advice is very helpful. On a side note, yes, he claims that this is his first time ... ” –  smilingeye

Join the “single mother asking for advice: when to introduce him to my children?” discussion

“No. Usually I am thinking In God's name, why is that kid shrieking like that?! Doesn't his mother hear him? Maybe it gets to the point where the kid's own mother can't even hear him anymore, but ... ” –  Faraday

Join the “Saw You Look” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 8:24am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0