the Height/Weight debate and dating insecurities


Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
scarlettblonde is offline scarlettblonde Post #1  June 12,2011, 12:54pm
scarlettblond…'s Avatar

left EHA do not friend me, you will not get a response

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2011

Posts: 28

See profile

All of the talk about men wanting thin women has seriously led me to be too scared to go out on a date with anyone. Is that crazy?

I have pictures of myself up that are true to my current size...I work out 3-4 times a week as well as am active in other ways. I basically eat a raw diet but allow myself to splurge one day a week.

The truth is that through all of these forums I have been to, and seeing men complain about "fat gross girls who do not deserve the men they go after" has made me not even want to meet anyone. If someone who I find very attractive attempts to contact me, I just assume he wont like my body in person because I am not a twig, and I close the match.

I am so afraid that men are going to look at me and pull apart every aspect of my body throughout the entire date. I work hard to maintain an average weight for my *almost* athletic body, but I am not Megan Fox, and everything I see makes me feel like I will in no way ever be good enough for anyone (which if you look at the post about women's bodies you can understand why I would feel that way).

It is just very disheartening. Am I nuts? I feel like I will never go on a date again because all these posts have made me so insecure!

UGH I am so lame!
 
  Reply With Quote
Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #2  June 12,2011, 1:05pm
Dropdeadredtx's Avatar

Still listening for the jingle of dog tags that isn't there...

Board Leader - Books

Joined: Apr 2010

Houston

Posts: 14,632

See profile

If that picture is you, and is accurate, you have nothing to worry about. You're adorable. You are too young to be hanging around dating sites, anyway! Go out in the real world! Have fun!! Leave the bitter old fogeys to their baggage and their crossword puzzles!
 
  Reply With Quote
lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #3  June 12,2011, 1:21pm
lunabeach's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Jun 2010

Ohio

Posts: 2,167

See profile

You know, some people believe that and you may run into them. I have - they're frequently not prize pigs themselves.

If your pictures are accurate, it's safe to assume the men contacting you are attracted to you. They're not clueless; they can make a pretty good guess as to what people "really" look like - that's why myspace voodoo is so silly (everyone still knows the chubby person is chubby).

Sorry you're feeling this way - when I've been single a little too long these thoughts run through my head, too. Then I find someone who loves my body and I totally forget about it
 
  Reply With Quote
suzyque is offline suzyque Post #4  June 12,2011, 1:22pm
suzyque's Avatar

.

Veteran

Joined: Aug 2009

Minnesota

Posts: 1,143

See profile

That's the problem with all these height/weight thread is they are contributing to people's insecurities. I'll admit, I've rushed out to the club after reading these threads! So, obviously I'm not alone. Yet, I keep reading them.

Yes, OP, you are a cute girl. Seriously...I don't think the majority of men are looking/or expecting Megan Fox thin.
 
  Reply With Quote
Ingytravel is online now Ingytravel Post #5  June 12,2011, 1:25pm
Ingytravel's Avatar

Naps are one of life's great joys:)

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2009

Posts: 8,151

See profile

Dropdeadredtx wrote :
If that picture is you, and is accurate, you have nothing to worry about. You're adorable. You are too young to be hanging around dating sites, anyway! Go out in the real world! Have fun!! Leave the bitter old fogeys to their baggage and their crossword puzzles!
LOL..I agree with Red! You just graduated college 2 years ago...you are young and cute....go enjoy life!...I know I wouldn't be using online dating when I was in my 20's if it was around...I was having too much fun working/traveling/hanging out with friends/meeting new people every week..

Please don't get hung up on all the bitter stuff that gets floated around on the message boards...keep your joy and go meet men in real life
 
  Reply With Quote
Sparkles56 is offline Sparkles56 Post #6  June 12,2011, 1:39pm
Sparkles56's Avatar

Contemplation must bring forth right action to permit further growth.

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2010

Ohio

Posts: 1,678

See profile

I'm a guy. Is that your picture? Wow! Let's go out tomorrow!

You don't look bad at all and I would definitely pay attention if you showed up in my match list.
 
  Reply With Quote
DaLocman is offline DaLocman Post #7  June 12,2011, 1:52pm
DaLocman's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Sep 2010

Posts: 242

See profile

Remember these posts are opinions and some of those opinions are based on bad, painful, or unhappy experiences. It is possible to read too deep into them, believe me, and you have to distance yourself from taking them too seriously or truthfully.

There are superficial men and women out there, and you simply have to spot if they're hung up on images and then avoid them if it continues.

I personally, also like your picture and you need to relax. Not every guy is looking for that "superficial" look that is stressing you out, so take a breath and let it go. Email the guys if you want, just be observant of their pictures and what they write in their profile first so you can avoid the ones you are saying you don't want here.
 
  Reply With Quote
InfiniteLoop is offline InfiniteLoop Post #8  June 12,2011, 2:47pm
InfiniteLoop's Avatar

is the reason you can't have anything nice.

Quick Study

Joined: Jan 2008

Baltimore, MD

Posts: 61

See profile

scarlettblonde wrote :
If someone who I find very attractive attempts to contact me, I just assume he wont like my body in person because I am not a twig, and I close the match.
I guess women really are different than men - if I get contacted by (or get a reply) from a woman who seems really attractive/out of my leauge, my reaction is "yeah!". If you end up meeting and they don't like you in person, you aren't any worse off than if you never met them.

There's a huge difference between a few extra pounds and morbildy obese. There's also a huge attitude difference between someone who generally eats healthy and works out and someone who never gets off the couch, eats an entire pizza, and then complains that people won't accept them - and it's not just about appearance, but about attitude.

And if that profile pic is you, I'd say you look great ...
 
  Reply With Quote
Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #9  June 12,2011, 2:52pm
Dropdeadredtx's Avatar

Still listening for the jingle of dog tags that isn't there...

Board Leader - Books

Joined: Apr 2010

Houston

Posts: 14,632

See profile

So now I have to wonder - if the OP was NOT super cute and slim with no discernible reason to start this thread other than needing an ego boost, would the responses have been the same? Interesting.....
 
  Reply With Quote
eha_answer_man is offline eha_answer_man Post #10  June 12,2011, 2:56pm

is preparing to travel to meet a special woman.

Quick Study

Joined: Jun 2011

Posts: 122

See profile

scarlette,

please take this the right way.

first, you are attractive just as you are. nothing to worry about. the fact that you work out regularly and take interest in how and what you eat are good. keep that up until you pass on from this world and you'll very likely be ok.

second, have you seen other women on these dating sites ? from this stand point, you've got a good shot at being "miss online america"...and i'm not exaggerating.

what gives online dating a bad name in general are all the people who post pictures of themselves (if they even are pictures of themselves) from 10 or more years ago. such people often have "let themselves go" and figure if they posted a current photo no one will want to meet them. whether that is the case or not is irrelevant when the other party notes the deceit used to get a date.

fortunately, the progress of technology makes this particular act of deceit more difficult if one has the desire and confidence to take a stand as I have done. very simply put, no webcam chat = no date.

practically every computer sold today in the US comes with a webcam which works out of the box. every major messaging service, and a growing number of dating sites, such as Yahoo, MSN, Skype, and others, support at least one-on-one video chat. so if the messaging and chat goes well, a video chat is next. any excuse to avoid a video chat before meeting in person is a deal breaker.

likewise, there will be an exchange of phone numbers and a phone call before meeting in person. if you are meeting someone in person there is really no legitimate excuse for refusing to exchange phone numbers.

using video chat, you get to see what the person looks like and if the profile photos are reasonably accurate wrt current appearance. having a phone number minimizes the chances of meeting a scammer.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« Curious - do men talk to their guy buddies about their online matches prior to meeting them? | About You | How long without sex? Looking back was it a good thing? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Christian Dating ChristianBrother Christian Singles 0 April 13,2011 5:55pm
10 things Dating Sites won't tell you... SingleYetAgain Using eHarmony 28 September 12,2010 11:43am
Texting and dating phoenix888 Dating 23 March 27,2010 9:07pm
A respectful question to Muslim and Middle-Eastern Members Regarding Dating. justme27 Dating 13 March 15,2010 8:19pm
Dating Rules for Dummies Group RoxyRedhead Dating 6 January 14,2010 8:55am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Umm....I don't think you are clearly seeing this guy for who he is. He has been with two women at all times... First...it was his wife and you...Then it was you and this other woman....And then now ... ” –  Ingytravel

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“Simple answer to the OP's question: NO. The drama isn't worth it. Tell your boyfriend you don't want to be around him when he's like this (and mean it). Go away, find other things to do, and ... ” –  Lindac7

Join the “Dating a Moody Guy. Is the Drama Worth It???” discussion

“But they are all "jocks," so none interest her. Not only would they never like or get her nerdiness since they are jocks, but as jocks, they don't read, go to museums, go to plays, eat, breath... ... ” –  emma_hazards

Join the “Super active/physically fit men not a match” discussion

“ Heh. I was thinking the same thing, I remember this thread from nearly 2 years ago! But, it is definitely fascinating to see the chip on some people's shoulders, when old threads like this get ... ” –  ScottK

Join the “Do men prefer thin women?” discussion

“Thank you everyone for replying...I think I know what's the right thing to do now. I haven't dated a lot and your advice is very helpful. On a side note, yes, he claims that this is his first time ... ” –  smilingeye

Join the “single mother asking for advice: when to introduce him to my children?” discussion

“No. Usually I am thinking In God's name, why is that kid shrieking like that?! Doesn't his mother hear him? Maybe it gets to the point where the kid's own mother can't even hear him anymore, but ... ” –  Faraday

Join the “Saw You Look” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 8:17am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0