PHILLYKATE is offline PHILLYKATE Post #1  May 17,2011, 2:55pm
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Hi. Anyone ever wonder what you did to end up alone? I know I do. I think I am a good person with a big heart. People seem to like me and I have good friends and a good family, but no relationship with a man. I've helped my family over the years and I am there when someone needs me. I also love animals. I have three cats, who I know love me unconditionally. I've had a few relationships over the years but it's been a very long time since my last one. I've had a few on-line dates that didn't amount to anything even though one lied up a storm but eventually I ended that. I'm not asking for much. I would just like to find someone to spend some time with; get to them him and if I'm lucky, someone that I can love and someone who loves me. Well, I've been thinking about this for awhile, so I thought I'd post a message on here and get some of your views and thoughts. Thanks very much for taking the time to read this.

Kate
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  May 17,2011, 3:01pm
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Everybody is single until they are not.

It's like being out of work (except not nearly as bad): it's all-consuming when it occurs, appears to last forever ... but, for most people affected, does indeed end.

Each time I was single ended with a first meeting that became a second and then more.
 
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theprincessbride is offline theprincessbride Post #3  May 17,2011, 3:28pm
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PHILLYKATE wrote :
Hi. Anyone ever wonder what you did to end up alone? I know I do. I think I am a good person with a big heart. People seem to like me and I have good friends and a good family, but no relationship with a man. I've helped my family over the years and I am there when someone needs me. I also love animals. I have three cats, who I know love me unconditionally. I've had a few relationships over the years but it's been a very long time since my last one. I've had a few on-line dates that didn't amount to anything even though one lied up a storm but eventually I ended that. I'm not asking for much. I would just like to find someone to spend some time with; get to them him and if I'm lucky, someone that I can love and someone who loves me. Well, I've been thinking about this for awhile, so I thought I'd post a message on here and get some of your views and thoughts. Thanks very much for taking the time to read this.

Kate
Don't give up hope. Finding the "right" person is very hard; finding someone who's "not right" is quite easy. Don't do the latter and wait for the former.
 
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Odira is offline Odira Post #4  May 17,2011, 3:40pm
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PHILLYKATE wrote :
Hi. Anyone ever wonder what you did to end up alone?
I know EXACTLY what I did

It's not a pretty tale, but it's the one I wrote.
 
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FaintestInkling is offline FaintestInkling Post #5  May 17,2011, 3:40pm
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PHILLYKATE wrote :
Hi. Anyone ever wonder what you did to end up alone? I know I do. I think I am a good person with a big heart. People seem to like me and I have good friends and a good family, but no relationship with a man. I've helped my family over the years and I am there when someone needs me. I also love animals. I have three cats, who I know love me unconditionally. I've had a few relationships over the years but it's been a very long time since my last one. I've had a few on-line dates that didn't amount to anything even though one lied up a storm but eventually I ended that. I'm not asking for much. I would just like to find someone to spend some time with; get to them him and if I'm lucky, someone that I can love and someone who loves me. Well, I've been thinking about this for awhile, so I thought I'd post a message on here and get some of your views and thoughts. Thanks very much for taking the time to read this.

Kate
Yeah, I wonder this almost all of the time.

I absolutely cannot think of anything overriding that is "wrong with me" but I've never had a girlfriend. I have a lot of personality flaws (including be melodramatic, worrying too much, and being self-centered)---but there are definitely people who have these flaws worse than I do who have not experienced the same problems, and there seems to be little rhyme or reason to it.

That said, D_Lion's analogy above to being out of work is a pretty good one. There are definitely a lot of similarities between looking for a job and looking for a significant other.

I've never been out of work myself, and none of my close friends have ever been single for a long period of time, but when they look for a job, they frequently express similar frustration to what I might say about dating: like---"Am I really being that unreasonable to think I deserve to get married someday/have a job that is decent someday?" "Why would they hire that person and reject me, when I'm better qualified?" "Why is this easy for a lot of people, without even trying, but I'm killing myself trying and it's just not working?" All those kinds of questions.

I'm sure it's actually more frustrating to not have a job, since it's more fundamental to survival, especially in the short-term, but being alone and being out-of-work are also both similar to each other in the sense that whatever you lack that you want seems absolutely like the most important thing in the world ... and if you've never had a relationship, it's felt more acutely, because it's harder to visualize "the drought finally ending" because that's not an experience you've had ....
 
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charmingphlsphr is offline charmingphlsphr Post #6  May 17,2011, 4:22pm
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PHILLYKATE wrote :
Hi. Anyone ever wonder what you did to end up alone? I know I do. I think I am a good person with a big heart. People seem to like me and I have good friends and a good family, but no relationship with a man. I've helped my family over the years and I am there when someone needs me. I also love animals. I have three cats, who I know love me unconditionally. I've had a few relationships over the years but it's been a very long time since my last one. I've had a few on-line dates that didn't amount to anything even though one lied up a storm but eventually I ended that. I'm not asking for much. I would just like to find someone to spend some time with; get to them him and if I'm lucky, someone that I can love and someone who loves me. Well, I've been thinking about this for awhile, so I thought I'd post a message on here and get some of your views and thoughts. Thanks very much for taking the time to read this.

Kate
Make your peace with it. There is always greener grass on the other side. If you care to read it, Kierkegaard wrote something interesting in Either/Or that is semi-related to this:

"Marry, and you will regret it. Do not marry, and you will also regret it. Marry or do not marry, you will regret it either way. Whether you marry or you do not marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the stupidities of the world, and you will regret it; weep over them, and you will also regret it. Laugh at the stupidities of the world or weep over them, you will regret it either way. Whether you laugh at the stupidities of the world or you weep over them, you will regret it either way. Trust a girl, and you will regret it. Do not trust her, and you will also regret it. Trust a girl or do not trust her, you will regret it either way. Whether you trust a girl or do not trust her, you will regret it either way. Hang yourself, and you will regret it. Do not hang yourself, and you will also regret it. Hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret it either way. Whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret it either way. This, gentlemen, is the quintessence of all the wisdom of life."
 
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Xable is offline Xable Post #7  May 17,2011, 4:30pm
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I never regret doing or trying. I always regret not or never.

At 31, I have made my peace with the fact that I will never be loved, never have children, and will end up dying alone. (I'm totally going to be that old lady you hear about on the news who has been dead for 3 weeks in her apartment and was just found because she doesn't have any family.)

However, I will never stop trying to find someone who will love me. I won't regret dying alone because that is out of my control. The only thing I would regret is giving up. So, I say, keep on keeping on. If you always give it your best you have nothing to be disappointed about.

Good Luck
 
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Odira is offline Odira Post #8  May 17,2011, 4:55pm
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Xable wrote :
I never regret doing or trying. I always regret not or never.

At 31, I have made my peace with the fact that I will never be loved, never have children, and will end up dying alone.
Are you saying that because there are things about yourself that you know are undermining your chances of success and are unwilling to change, or do you believe the Fates have somehow conspired against you?
 
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myusernamehere is online now myusernamehere Post #9  May 17,2011, 5:06pm
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I've realized that it's hopeless so I've decided to give up.
 
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charmingphlsphr is offline charmingphlsphr Post #10  May 17,2011, 5:32pm
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myusernamehere wrote :
I've realized that it's hopeless so I've decided to give up.
Nothing in the pursuits of this life is so hopeless as when one gives up.
 
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