Using Facebook as a friendship barometer


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rix is offline rix Post #1  March 30,2011, 12:58pm
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It is understandable when someone on eHAdvice does not accept an invitation of friendship. After all, these are often nameless faces in cyberspace. But what about acquaintances from work, business, school, places of worship, etc. that do not accept a friendship invitation on Facebook? Can such a measuring rod determine who your true friends are, and who are not?
Last edited by rix; March 30,2011 at 1:00pm.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #2  March 30,2011, 1:23pm
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rix wrote :
Can such a measuring rod determine who your true friends are, and who are not?
I don't think Facebook is a very good indicator of "true friends" or not. Some people like to keep their friends lists to a bare minimum, with only those people that they know well, close friends, family, etc. Others collect "friends" like newspapers, and they don't have to have more than a passing acquaintance with these people to add them.

I have a lot of "friends" on my list that I have: 1) never met (because I play a FB game) or 2) that are passing acquaintances or 3) that I have not seen or talked to in years, except on FB. I do find it interesting to get to know these people through what they post. I have learned a lot more about them than I ever would have learned in real life.

However, I am very limited in people that I will Friend or accept Friend requests from among the people that I work with. Last year, I unfriended my boss, not because I had anything to hide, and not because we are not great friends in the office. But, I just thought how you never know when your company might institute a policy prohibiting employers to have FB contact with their subordinates (this happened to a couple people I know). Better safe than sorry, so I unfriended her.

Same with other casual associations that I see on a semi-regular basis. Why do these people need to know my business? I don't care that these online gamers that I have never even met before know that I had a date with a guy from EHarmony last week, and how that went and all that. But, I wouldn't necessarily want everyone from Church, or my company, to know that.

I never post anything that my mother couldn't read (and my father keeps her filled in by what he sees in my posts but I still don't want my dentist to see what I am posting.
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tinaroonie is offline tinaroonie Post #3  March 30,2011, 3:53pm
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I am the type of person that likes Facebook for keeping in touch with friends and acquaintances that I don't see that often. But my rule is that I have to have met people in person in order to have them on Facebook. I don't like collecting friends like trophies. And I have rejected people I don't know who have contacted me asking to be my friend. And I don't put everyone that I know on Facebook. Facebook sometimes tells me I should friend someone because we have many friends in common, but that's not a good reason for me to do so.

I have a friend on Facebook who will not friend her husband's brother, no matter how many times he asks. He's just a little immature for his age, and his posts don't always make sense, and he comes off a little desperate at times. But I still friended him. He's one of those that indiscriminatly accepts every friend request he gets, no matter what.

In the end for me having you as a friend on Facebook does not determine if you are a true friend or not. You're just someone I know.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #4  March 30,2011, 4:12pm
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I only accept friendship requests on Facebook from people that I actually know. I would never use Facebook as a friendship barometer. I see that some of my friends have hundreds and hundreds of "friends" on Facebook. They admit they don't even know these people...they just keep accepting requests from anyone who asks.
 
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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  March 30,2011, 4:13pm
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I agree that FB isn't an indicator of "true friends". I have nearly 400 FB friends, of whom I would actually consider MAYBE 150 people actual friends, and of those, "good friends" - maybe two dozen.

I have been liberal in my FB friending (for example, I'm FB friends with my boss) but that has resulted in my needing to be very restricted in what I say on FB. Had I not friended work people and a few others around whom I feel compelled to be careful in what I say, I could say what I want - it's a tradeoff - and one that lots of other people probably aren't willing to make. I don't think that means they aren't a friend to someone they don't FB friend, though.

Just my 2 cents
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1quickslovak is offline 1quickslovak Post #6  March 31,2011, 6:00am
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eHA_Admin_Lori wrote :
I agree that FB isn't an indicator of "true friends". I have nearly 400 FB friends, of whom I would actually consider MAYBE 150 people actual friends, and of those, "good friends" - maybe two dozen.
I think we need to define the difference between a friend and an acquaintance. I can guarantee that you don't have 150 friends; no one does. I have 5 close friends.

After college I cut my facebook down to about 150 people total. If I didn't like them -gone, if I didn't really know them - gone. You get the picture. I've had enough of people friending me that I've never met, or hardly know. Facebook is some sort of popularity contest; look how cool I am, I have 2000 friends... I don't blog or rant on Facebook, but I still wouldn't friend my boss/coworkers. They don't need to know about my life. If they want to know we can talk in person.
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SillyLeanne is offline SillyLeanne Post #7  March 31,2011, 6:18am
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eHA_Admin_Lori wrote :
I have been liberal in my FB friending (for example, I'm FB friends with my boss) but that has resulted in my needing to be very restricted in what I say on FB. Had I not friended work people and a few others around whom I feel compelled to be careful in what I say, I could say what I want - it's a tradeoff - and one that lots of other people probably aren't willing to make.
I tend to be careful what I say on FB all the time. Even if your friend list is small, your friends can "share" your post with their friends (and their friends, etc.) Someone can repost what you write somewhere else entirely, etc.

I have hundreds of friends on FB, most of whom are acquaintances or work-related contacts. I'm always amazed when they post blow-by-blow descriptions of personal events. I never post anything I wouldn't write on the front page of the daily news.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is online now Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #8  March 31,2011, 1:26pm
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Aquaintance does not equal friend.

It's funny: People say that FB is not an accurate way to determine friendship, yet, they say they will only friend people that they know well and like. To me, that says yes, being facebook friended does indicate at least "something."
 
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rix is offline rix Post #9  March 31,2011, 2:54pm
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mitchell175 wrote :
However, I am very limited in people that I will Friend or accept Friend requests from among the people that I work with. Last year, I unfriended my boss, not because I had anything to hide, and not because we are not great friends in the office. But, I just thought how you never know when your company might institute a policy prohibiting employers to have FB contact with their subordinates (this happened to a couple people I know). Better safe than sorry, so I unfriended her.
I have also seen selectivity based upon who could possibly help further one's career within an organization, such as befriending the adolescent son of someone within the corporate hierarchy, while rejecting some subordinate who is giving 110% to help them look better. Great nuggets of wisdom in your post, Mitchell!
 
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rix is offline rix Post #10  March 31,2011, 3:16pm
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Perhaps you ladies, and "men of the world," might offer some insight on female psychology. What about someone of the opposite sex with whom you've been "friends" for a number of years, and with whom there was no romantic involvement during that time, aside from a few periods of flirtation. Would they possibly refuse "friendship" based upon knowing that you are no longer available? After all, I'm sure they did not have "romantic intentions" regarding the chubby, balding, and married middle-aged man who runs the local bookstore, and for whom they've known for a shorter period of time, yet they "befriended" him.

I shouldn't try to overanalize why someone accepts a friendship request and why someone does not, but sometimes I can't help overthink things. I only had one person drop me from their friends list, and that was a minister I had met almost twenty years ago with whom I had reconnected. Due to the timing, it was either based upon something I had said (regarding beer drinking), or something I added to my likes and interests ( The Doors movie and/or Monty Python's Life of Brian). He obviously hasn't outgrown his legalistic way of thinking!

Great responses and insights everyone! I'll hold off on making a Machiavellian "Enemies List" based upon Facebook, for now.
 
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