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trueblueyes trueblueyes is offline
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Am 45 and never been married and used to think it would just be "easier" with a guy who has never been married as well. Less baggage, would understand the choice I have made SO FAR to not be married etc. But based on a recent relationship now I am not so sure.... Granted I still take each guy on a case by case basis but I am not so sure any more that it is "easier". I think for me right now what really matters in a LTR (besides the personal characteristics I am looking for) is that the guy either REALLY wants to leave his ex and baggage behind or either REALLY wants to commit to being a couple (notice I did not say married couple necessarily) and no longer living for himself only. I know it takes time to get to that point in a relationship so I am not looking for it right away.... but now i am less hung up on prior marital status but hopefully more in tune to the guy and what he is looking for as well.
- November 10th, 2008, 06:36 pm
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LadyJen LadyJen is offline
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Wow! I did not know that there were so many people that had never been married after 40. How about 53 and never been married. Sometimes I would think that there was something wrong with me. It is encouraging to know that there are others who have gone through these same emotional roller coasters.


To the never married 40+, no you are not damaged goods. I think you are very particular and careful about making a commitmentand choosing the right mate. Marriage should be forever. And Forever is a long time. How awful would that be if you wake up one morning and find out that you are not with the one you should be with? Those vows are sacred. It will happen for you. But let it happen with the right one. You will know.
- November 10th, 2008, 10:31 pm
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yeoww yeoww is offline
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If I met a never-married man with no children, it would get my attention because it's somewhat unusual in my experience. But I wouldn't "throw him back" just because of that. I would be concerned about how he'd feel about getting involved with a woman with kids and an ex, though =)
- November 10th, 2008, 11:00 pm
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Gina_B wrote :

I am in a relationship with a 42 year old man (almost 43) who has never been married nor has any children. In fact, he is still a virgin. I think of him as FAR from "damaged goods", in fact, I can't believe how lucky I am to find someone without any baggage!! He said he was just waiting for the right one to come along, and I am lucky to be the one he picked.
Wow! That's great that there are wonderful women such as you in this world! I am a 43 year old male who has never been married...never had a relationship and, of course, never had children.... Obviously, I am a virgin!


Everyone I know from friends to former co-workers and family members are married and have children. I am not confident that this will ever happen to me and I am convinced that I may be responding to this when the above gentlemen being discussed has, also, passed me by!


I think what has your boyfriend way ahead of me is that he has been in relationships. I don't see me meeting anyone andI don't see my situation getting any better! I would have to say....I AM DAMAGED GOODS!


Also, right now, I am even worse off than any 43 year old male anyone could try to compare me to! Probably, George from Seinfeld comes to mind.....ONLY GEORGE HAS SEX AND HAS BEEN IN RELATIONSHIPS....BAD EXAMPLE! But, like George I am unemployed!


So, I am a 43 year old, unemployed, never married virgin with no hope!





- November 19th, 2008, 04:09 pm
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Perrier Perrier is offline
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I always make sure that "What are you looking for in a relationship partner?" is one of my Second Questions. If her goal is targeted towards marriage (and, so far, I don't recall any that were), then I would probably close her at some point. I always make it clear that I am looking for a LTR, not a wife (nor a STR). I don't refuse to get married, but my 'best' relationship had enough red flags to make an excellent slalom ski run.


Main reasons are zero desire for kids and zero desire to lose much of what I have worked hard for in a divorce. If I found someone truly wonderful, and those two points could be addressed, then I would look into such minor issues as "Will this work economically?" Little things, like affording a bigger house, medical costs, retirement. At 51, these are concerns.


I suspect that some portion of my matches considered me 'damaged goods.' Only a few have actually asked questions in that area. Only nine made it past MH/CS in my seven months at eH. If I had had any desire to get hitched, then I might agree with them, but I have a clear conscious. No desire = no damage. "*Damaged goods* means damaged from past relationships/marriages." as geni pointed out back in January. The family of my ex-girlfriend thought I really was the wonderful person that I tried hard to be. I would not see a woman in a comparable situation as damaged. I would welcome her, if I could find her.


One advantage of eHarmony is that it is easy to screen out those women who, for whatever reasons they deem valid, consider us 'damaged' LONG before we would ever meet them in person! 8-) They are welcome to their opinions. I do not share them.
- December 12th, 2008, 09:27 pm
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SingleInChicago SingleInChicago is offline
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SingleInChicago I can state unequivocally that affection is desirable, money is...

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wallydog wrote :

I'm a gentleman professional over 50, never married, and what I find is the educated career minded or divorced women in their 30-40s are much more eager to sow wild oats than I am. Many of them have kept boyfriends in their 20s - gigilos - due to their generous divorce decrees. Many of them are having multiple affairs with married men only so there is NO committment. They are courtesans, no? I think that committment is a process and I can engage in the process with multiple women at a time. I test them to make sure they are sincere and really understand what they are getting into, not what they see on TV. I've winnowed the field down to 3 very different women, all wonderful in their own way, and I could spend my life with any of them. One of them has never been married yet she looks like Ava Gardner yet has never been married - is she damaged, no she's a selective professional. However, the major criteria for me is that they put themselves and me first. Anything we do should actualize this. Most women I've met put their children first. Otherwise they tell me marriage is their goal, even though they've been married 3 times already.It's these women who are risky.
In pursuing anything that is perceived as rewarding in any way...one has to know it is risky in all equations.
- April 4th, 2009, 01:07 pm
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psalm27sjb psalm27sjb is offline
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As a woman rapidly careening towards 40 (mere months to be exact), I certainly hope there's hope after 40. I've seen people get married for the first time into their 40s & 50s, and they have great relationships. I just need to get away from the mentality that says "that's great for them, but it can't happen for me." Truth is, it can & it will...someday...and before August '09 would be even better (tee-hee-hee...just kidding...sorta...)
- April 28th, 2009, 06:46 pm
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