Discrimination from Eharmony's members.


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Franklin551 is offline Franklin551 Post #1  February 19,2011, 9:33am

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I have received a lot of discrimination from Eharmony's members because of I suffered from a deformity and my race. Almost all of my topics have been closed because members have either personally attacked me(sometimes others) or spammed my topics. Some members have demanded that I leave the forums.


Some members have falsely accused me of hating black people because I do not find African America women attractive and the fact that I am African American man. Some members have said that I want to be white. A member told me that I need to learn who to act black. These unjust comments are racist. Attraction has nothing to do with being racist. A racist is a person who hates a race of people in all forms of life. Finding a race of people sexually unattractive is not hate. It is a dislike to have a relationship that is further than a friend.


Members have accused me of being a nerdy, and socially awkward because of I suffered deformity. I did post my personal interest in my topics. However, bias members have falsely accused and assumed that I do nerdy things that I have never of heard. Being deformed does not make someone interested into nerdy things. Members told me that I need to learn how to be clean, dress well, smell good, smile, etc. Although in my pictures I'm clean, dress, and smiling. I can't prove my smell in a picture. However, my cleanness should at least tell people I don't stink. Regardless of providing pictures in the opening post, members continued to accused me of being someone who I am not. Living with a deformity for a little more than 21 years does NOT make anyone socially awkward. It does not determine rather or not someone knows who to carry oneself.


Some members have lied in my topics that I hate women, think they are shallow, and being whinny. I don't hate women for rejecting me because of my looks. They have every right to reject me for any reason. Shallowness does not exist because everyone cares about looks. Physical attraction does matter, and most people are in denial that it is not a factor. Also saying that women find me to be very physically unattractive is not whinny. It is the only thing I have ever heard from women. I only told the truth about my experiences. It's like calling Brett Favre whinny if he said that people criticized him last season. That's not crying, it is stating a fact.


I have read some topics about members who have similar problems and asked for advice. I have not once seen any of these members being accused of lying about themselves. Members believed that I was lying about doing the right things when it comes to looking for a date. I wasn't born yesterday, and God kindly gave me a bit of common sense. I am not entailed to anyone's advice. However, it is useless posting in someone's topic about doing the same thing over and over again. When someone does everything right what are you going to tell them to do? It makes no logical sense to continue to try something that does not work for you. I knew a homeless student on campus who was very dirty, but had no problems attracting attractive women. Care to explain this? Don't bother because just like most theories, dating theories are nearly just as useless.


Thankfully I no longer suffer from the deformity because it was corrected. However, I hope Eharmony's members will threat people who suffered from deformities with respect in the future. The discrimination towards me is inexcusable. I have never personally attack any member on this forum.
 
 
nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #2  February 19,2011, 9:53am
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To me it sounds like your physical deformity is healed but you're still suffering emotionally from it. You seem to have very low self-esteem, otherwise you wouldn't be posting something like this.

I haven't read enough of you posts and topics to call you any of the names you've mentioned, but I'm wondering if you're not taking things too personally?

If you come here for advice, you have to expect people to say things that don't always agree with what you're thinking.

By posting something like this, you're not going to get a lot of sympathy from other people - they're just going to start "attacking" you more.
 
 
mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #3  February 19,2011, 9:59am
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Franklin,
I have read several of your posts, and I agree with the posters who have said you come off as socially awkward. This has absolutely nothing to do with your race or your ear deformity. I have seen your pictures, and you are a good looking guy. That is not what makes you socially awkward.

You are socially awkward because you lack boundaries for what is appropriate interaction with people. You have posted your opinions many times, opened them up for discussion, then when another poster offered a differing opinion, you continued to argue your point to prove that you were right. Since you had asked questions and were seeking advice, the other members of the boards tried to offer their advice, based on their own experiences. Every time, you disagreed with their advice, and continued with circular arguments as to how the posters were making generalizations because they do not know you or your specific circumstances. But, that is actually the truth: we don't know you, we are all just strangers posting on an open forum. The only thing any of us has to go on is your description of your circumstances.

As for the suggestion that you offer negative attitudes towards women, I have to agree with that. You have posted more than one thread about how women are only interested in the "wealthy athlete type" and that money and fame is everything, and that is why no women are ever interested in you. This generalizes against all women. This is no different than if I were to say "All men are jerks, because I have dated a couple of them". That is not constructive, nor is it true. I have seen your posts devolve into inflammatory rants about how everyone is "against you".

From your writing, you are clearly a well-spoken and thoughtful individual, but your social skills are lacking. You are young, and many young people today have a sense of entitlement that they have not actually earned yet in life. A lot of wisdom comes with maturity, and I hope you find that.
 
 
ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #4  February 19,2011, 9:59am
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i am a little confused here....

Are you refering to this chat board or are you refering to EHarmony...these are two different places.

You do not need to be a current paying member of EHarmony to chat on these boards.

Many people have tries EH in the past and have used other internet dating sites in the past or currently using them.


With these boards people learn about others through consitancy of what they are sying and thus make assumprions about the people on the board based on what they have said in the past. Because anybody can sign up on here you are going to have a small number of people who just dont like you for whatever reason...just like a place you work you will have people who just dont like each other.

The "members" is what is confusing me---what exactly are you refering to?
 
 
Franklin551 is offline Franklin551 Post #5  February 19,2011, 10:05am

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I must have low self-esteem to make a thread about receiving discrimination? Martin Luther King Jr made complaints about racial discrimination. Did that mean he had a low self-esteem(we should all know he was a confident man)?

I am not expecting sympathy.

Should someone who looks very clean in his photos expect someone to tell him that he looks dirty? Should someone who has a deformity expect to be accused of having interests that he does not have? Sorry, but I don't know anyone who expects to be falsely accused of having particular interest that he uninterested in.
 
 
Franklin551 is offline Franklin551 Post #6  February 19,2011, 10:16am

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ami1uwant wrote :
i am a little confused here....

Are you refering to this chat board or are you refering to EHarmony...these are two different places.

You do not need to be a current paying member of EHarmony to chat on these boards.

Many people have tries EH in the past and have used other internet dating sites in the past or currently using them.


With these boards people learn about others through consitancy of what they are sying and thus make assumprions about the people on the board based on what they have said in the past. Because anybody can sign up on here you are going to have a small number of people who just dont like you for whatever reason...just like a place you work you will have people who just dont like each other.

The "members" is what is confusing me---what exactly are you refering to?
I am referring to the forums. Sorry for the confusion.

mitchell175 wrote :
Franklin,
I have read several of your posts, and I agree with the posters who have said you come off as socially awkward. This has absolutely nothing to do with your race or your ear deformity. I have seen your pictures, and you are a good looking guy. That is not what makes you socially awkward.

You are socially awkward because you lack boundaries for what is appropriate interaction with people. You have posted your opinions many times, opened them up for discussion, then when another poster offered a differing opinion, you continued to argue your point to prove that you were right. Since you had asked questions and were seeking advice, the other members of the boards tried to offer their advice, based on their own experiences. Every time, you disagreed with their advice, and continued with circular arguments as to how the posters were making generalizations because they do not know you or your specific circumstances. But, that is actually the truth: we don't know you, we are all just strangers posting on an open forum. The only thing any of us has to go on is your description of your circumstances.

As for the suggestion that you offer negative attitudes towards women, I have to agree with that. You have posted more than one thread about how women are only interested in the "wealthy athlete type" and that money and fame is everything, and that is why no women are ever interested in you. This generalizes against all women. This is no different than if I were to say "All men are jerks, because I have dated a couple of them". That is not constructive, nor is it true. I have seen your posts devolve into inflammatory rants about how everyone is "against you".

From your writing, you are clearly a well-spoken and thoughtful individual, but your social skills are lacking. You are young, and many young people today have a sense of entitlement that they have not actually earned yet in life. A lot of wisdom comes with maturity, and I hope you find that.
You cannot be serious.

First, I have every right to disagree with anyone's opinions about any subject. It is called a DEBATE. In matter of fact I never rejected anyone's advice. This is why this "circle" you mention happens. I tell people "I am honestly doing this already", and they then accuses me of lying. Disagreeing with opinions is normal. It is not socially awkward to disagree with anyone.

Secondly, I never said fame, looks, and money will always get the guy his love interest. I said they are factors that help men.

I never said all women like athletes. My topic was about young women showing more interest in athletes than other types of men, and I provided some research data about the subject. Personally I have not met a woman who dislikes athletes sexually. I have also never said these are the reasons why women have no interest in me. I clearly said that they have no physically chemistry towards me. That is not hate towards women. That is an honest fact about my experience. Do you want me to lie to you? Of course not.
 
 
mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #7  February 19,2011, 10:17am
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Franklin551 wrote :
Sorry, but I don't know anyone who expects to be falsely accused of having particular interest that he uninterested in.
Then you should state what it is that you are interested in, because we have no way of knowing that. I am not sure what kind of "nerdy" things that people have accused you of being into. But, remember, "nerdy" is in the eye of the beholder. Something interesting to you may not be interesting to someone else.

And, it is a sign of low self-esteem to think that everyone is against you.
 
 
frogprince is offline frogprince Post #8  February 19,2011, 10:23am
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Franklin I have never said anything badly about you because of your race or your racial preferences in you potential dates. I didn't even notice a deformity in your photos. You had surgery and you still think of yourself as ugly. I have said this is your issue.

Your feelings of being ugly and unattractive to others is what I feel you need to work on. And the clothing thing I mentioned as something you could work on. You are trying to attract women that you find attractive you need to dress the part.

I am sorry if anyone has asked you to leave the forums. I think you should see yourself more positively and others will see it as well. I wish you luck and hope you find what you are looking for.
 
 
annother is offline annother Post #9  February 19,2011, 10:26am
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Franklin, I have read a lot of your posts and the responses to them. On the whole, I think that the debate has been reasonable and the advice has been considerate. I have not noticed any discrimination based on "deformity" or any other characteristic. What I have seen is a lot of well-intended advice from ordinary people who do their best to help others. Take it or leave it.
Last edited by annother; February 19,2011 at 10:29am.
 
 
Franklin551 is offline Franklin551 Post #10  February 19,2011, 10:31am

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mitchell175 wrote :
Then you should state what it is that you are interested in, because we have no way of knowing that. I am not sure what kind of "nerdy" things that people have accused you of being into. But, remember, "nerdy" is in the eye of the beholder. Something interesting to you may not be interesting to someone else.

And, it is a sign of low self-esteem to think that everyone is against you.
I did state my personal interests in the opening post. In fact I said that in this topic's opening. Makes me wonder if you actually read this topic's opening post. Members continued to accused me of being interested in things I have no interest in because of my deformity.

frogprince wrote :
Franklin I have never said anything badly about you because of your race or your racial preferences in you potential dates. I didn't even notice a deformity in your photos. You had surgery and you still think of yourself as ugly. I have said this is your issue.

Your feelings of being ugly and unattractive to others is what I feel you need to work on. And the clothing thing I mentioned as something you could work on. You are trying to attract women that you find attractive you need to dress the part.

I am sorry if anyone has asked you to leave the forums. I think you should see yourself more positively and others will see it as well. I wish you luck and hope you find what you are looking for.
You told me to get cleaned up. However, I am a very clean person. My pictures proved that.

You told me to dress nice. Women complement clothing. Why tell me to do something that does not work? You weren't helping anyone. Why advise someone to do what doesn't work? Why waste your time teaching a five year old to walk when she already knows how to walk? There is no logic to that.
 
 
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