If someone always thinks of themselves as the "victim"...


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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #21  February 15,2011, 6:50am
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Wiseman2 wrote :
.....Victim mentality is popular because it works to manipulate people. "poor me...it's not my fault"........often elicits a helper / sympathy response. Very frequently it is sincere (they actually believe it themselves) but often it is a contrived tactic "my ex is an abusive psycho" etc.....is especially popular. What a great way to elicit sympathy, have an excuse to not be fully present, act out inappropriately, and make everyone toe the line and treat them with kid gloves. And best of all, take the focus off them and their role both then and now.
I agree and I've met a few of these. And if they really are still feeling a victim then they shouldn't be dating until they are mentally ready to move on.
 
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amy_lee_berkley is offline amy_lee_berkley Post #22  February 15,2011, 1:33pm
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is really immature. its annoying when someone thinks everyone is out too get them.
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #23  February 15,2011, 1:48pm
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There's a stuckness to perpetual victims: they complain how they're being mal-treated, but the means to put an end to the maltreatment are right there, in front of them, and completely in their control ... but they don't do what needs to be done.

Any suggestions to try this or that to fix the problem get met with "No that won't work because ...".

I think there's a hidden payoff in staying stuck in something you could actually change. The Victim is getting something out of it, that's more important than whatever it is they're complaining about.

Kind of maddening, but mostly it's sad.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #24  February 15,2011, 3:57pm
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Sassafras54 wrote :
There's a stuckness to perpetual victims: they complain how they're being mal-treated, but the means to put an end to the maltreatment are right there, in front of them, and completely in their control ... but they don't do what needs to be done.

Any suggestions to try this or that to fix the problem get met with "No that won't work because ...".
And in that it can also start to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, I've known people that complain that they aren't getting enough hours for their job. People start to take time off and they get more hours. At that point, they complain because the other people are taking advantage of their willingness to work and the hours they're working are not what they want. Guess who suddenly starts going to the bottom of the list when it comes to getting more hours?
 
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Co6aka is offline Co6aka Post #25  February 15,2011, 4:50pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
But, there are many who claim that what happens to them is always someone else's fault. From their flat tire to bounced checks to unwise hair color choice.
BUT, what if what happened WAS someone else's fault, really, should they lie and say it was theirs?
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #26  February 15,2011, 5:34pm
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Sorry, I cannot believe that EVERY bad thing that happens in a person's life is someone else's fault. It is impossible. There are times where the unavoidable happens or even malicious things happen to you. The neighbor kid deciding it would be fun to slash your tires is definitely not your fault, and was maliciously done to you. But, if you run over a nail in a construction zone and your tire goes flat, was it really "done to you" or was it just happenstance and you should just change the tire?

Playing the victim is much different than bad luck and dealing with life as it happens.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #27  February 15,2011, 6:51pm
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Co6aka wrote :
BUT, what if what happened WAS someone else's fault, really, should they lie and say it was theirs?
On an individual, case-by-case basis...some things really are somebody else's fault. But even in those cases...don't we admire and respect those persons more...who are able to rise above it? Who overcome the odds?

Like separating the wheat from the chaff...the men from the boys...the strong from the weak.

In the long run...I don't think it does the "victim" (whether real or imaginary) much good at all for people to simply commiserate with him/her.

I think people should be encouraged to pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and start over...using their newfound Knowledge and Strength of Character to build a better life than what they had before.

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singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #28  February 15,2011, 8:24pm
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Sassafras54 wrote :
There's a stuckness to perpetual victims: they complain how they're being mal-treated, but the means to put an end to the maltreatment are right there, in front of them, and completely in their control ... but they don't do what needs to be done.

Any suggestions to try this or that to fix the problem get met with "No that won't work because ...".

I think there's a hidden payoff in staying stuck in something you could actually change. The Victim is getting something out of it, that's more important than whatever it is they're complaining about.

Kind of maddening, but mostly it's sad.
I agree, Sassafras. I think for many people the payoff is the attention that they get from people trying to 'help' them or commiserating with them.

Co6aka wrote :
BUT, what if what happened WAS someone else's fault, really, should they lie and say it was theirs?
It's true that some things are the fault of other people. Example: My job was eliminated this past summer as part of a corporate downsizing. There were those who were laid off who spent the next several weeks feeling angry and blaming it on our bosses and there were those of us who got busy trying to find another job. The point is that it really doesn't matter whose fault something is; it's much more important how you handle it and the attitude you display.
 
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Co6aka is offline Co6aka Post #29  February 18,2011, 5:18pm
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singinggirl wrote :
The point is that it really doesn't matter whose fault something is...
If that was indeed true, there'd be a LOT of lawyers out of a job!
 
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jonyshin is offline jonyshin Post #30  January 20,2012, 11:40am
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My best friend for the longest time had this issue. It is apparently a common symptom of narcissistic personality disorder and is likely that this person feels like they are the only important person in the world, and that they are the victim because people should do all of their work for them. Narcissistic personality disorder - PubMed Health read that, and if you find that to be the issue then go ahead and seek medical attention from a psychologist who has a means of fixing it.
 
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