How much do you let your past affect your current dating style?


Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #11  February 13,2011, 10:55am
mitchell175's Avatar

mixing metaphors in a mellifluous melange of malapropisms

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2010

Boston, MA... or thereabouts

Posts: 6,360

See profile

dazedconfuzed wrote :
Were we separated at birth? lol

It's nice to know I'm not alone over here. For a long time, I thought I was the only one who ever felt that way.
 
  Reply With Quote
SearchingHoping is offline SearchingHoping Post #12  February 13,2011, 10:57am
SearchingHopi…'s Avatar

is procratisnating when the green light is on...

Pacesetter

Joined: Dec 2010

Posts: 458

See profile

Wiseman2 wrote :
Hesitation before you jump into a polluted swamp is different from hesitation before you jump into a tropical pond..........it's common sense you are trying to override here..........why? If If If is the highway to a headache. for example it's like asking........If she didn't look my grandmother.......would I sleep with her?.........Huh?
Beware.... so many handsome tropical ponds are filled with piranhas! LOL

You are doing well letting lessons learned from past experiences influence your present relationships. Reflecting on the past helps you become more aware of where you are and where you want to be.
 
  Reply With Quote
Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #13  February 13,2011, 11:03am
Wiseman2's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 6,258

See profile

When you can see clearly to the bottom......you'll see the what's in it....When the waters are murky with baggage..you won't......
SearchingHoping wrote :
Beware.... so many handsome tropical ponds are filled with piranhas! LOL
 
  Reply With Quote
dazedconfuzed is offline dazedconfuzed Post #14  February 13,2011, 11:07am
dazedconfuzed's Avatar

and I see your true colors shining through...

Board Leader - Chit-Chat

Joined: Mar 2010

Wonderland

Posts: 540

See profile

Wiseman2 wrote :
When you can see clearly to the bottom......you'll see the what's in it....When the waters are murky with baggage..you won't......

But with whose baggage?
 
  Reply With Quote
Xable is offline Xable Post #15  February 13,2011, 11:44am
Xable's Avatar

gives up.

Virtuoso

Joined: Mar 2010

Texas

Posts: 2,607

See profile

dazedconfuzed wrote :
But with whose baggage?
Does it matter? The end result is the same, the water is still murky. In those cases you can stick around and slowly clean the water to see what's in them, but I wouldn't recommend jumping right in.
 
  Reply With Quote
Special-K is offline Special-K Post #16  February 13,2011, 3:58pm
Special-K's Avatar

is happier than if it was a 'no boss Friday' going into a three-day weekend... :-)

Veteran

Joined: Aug 2010

Posts: 1,867

See profile

mitchell175 wrote :
I am definitely a "take it slow" kind of person...when there's no one on the horizon for dating possibilities. But when I meet someone new that excites me, I have the urge to want to dive right in with both feet. It's confusing, and very hard to keep my feelings in check when my head is telling me "Careful, don't go too fast...". What usually happens is that I dive right in anyway, then end up getting hurt, then kick myself for not listening to my head, and only following my heart. Every time, I tell myself "Well, next time I'm just not going to do that again...". I am afraid of ending up terribly jaded and not much good for anyone - yet I feel stupid for still holding onto that "hope".

I feel like I have become a weird mix of "hopeful optimism" and "jaded disillusionment". I don't really know how to balance the two.
Yes, yes, and yes!
 
  Reply With Quote
Special-K is offline Special-K Post #17  February 13,2011, 4:07pm
Special-K's Avatar

is happier than if it was a 'no boss Friday' going into a three-day weekend... :-)

Veteran

Joined: Aug 2010

Posts: 1,867

See profile

mitchell175 wrote :
I have worried about this kind of thing, too. If you ask anyone who is settled and/or married with a LTR how they "knew someone was The One" they will usually just tell you "I don't know, I just... knew..."
I cannot recall a time I ever felt this way... until recently... I was sure I had met "the one." He is the one who poofed after our second date. I am left wondering what happened... I could go into detail and explain point by point how we seemed the perfect match in every way (through action and words), but I'll save you all the time and trouble of reading another sob story.

I still can't fathom what happened. I would like to think that he was overwhelmed by and felt unworthy of my awesomeness. In reality I know the reason is much more obvious (he wasn't that into me... great, I mean GREAT actor). I accept the reality of the latter, but choose to believe the former... so there's no need for anyone here to harsh my mellow...
Last edited by Special-K; February 13,2011 at 8:20pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #18  February 13,2011, 5:39pm
j0hn8andy's Avatar

.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2009

California

Posts: 5,091

See profile

Never did have a dating "style".

The only thing I know how to do is to be open and honest to the point of vulnerability and beyond. It is more important for me to understand...than to be understood.

I don't hold myself in reserve. I believe one cannot hope to win unless one cares to ante up. I bet the farm; I throw caution to the winds.

Those are the things that have always worked for me before.

WRT "The One"...JMHO, FWIW...but I believe "The One" will not slip away. When one is in the presence of "The One"...there is nothing one can do to mess it up. If it doesn't work out for whatever reason...that person simply wasn't..."The One".

j8a
 
  Reply With Quote
singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #19  February 13,2011, 6:59pm
singinggirl's Avatar

Jumping back in the pool.

Veteran

Joined: Jan 2008

Tennessee

Posts: 1,867

See profile

Xable wrote :
Baggage or Experience - it is the same thing. When someone doesn't like what you are doing it is called baggage. When what you are doing helps you out, it is called experience.
This ^^^^ is the key, IMO. A lot of people like to call it baggage, but if we don't learn from our mistakes, how will we ever keep from repeating them??? In my mind, the fact that you have learned from past relationships is not a negative; indeed, it is a positive outcome. You have learned what doesn't work for you and that's an important step in learning what does work. As long as you are not being controlled by fear, I think you are fine.
 
  Reply With Quote
boschimsp is online now boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #20  February 15,2011, 12:01pm
boschimsp's Avatar

Starting to acknowledge that my single life is actually fantastic.

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Sep 2010

Posts: 2,100

See profile

Xable wrote :
I find people who finally experience a good relationship after a string of bad ones, finally find themselves only having good ones. Once they see how good it can really be, they quickly disengage from the bad ones.
I think this is true. I also think this comes from being a more experienced dater. I feel like the more I date the more I come to understand thing that I can tolerate in a relationship and things that will make it an unsatisfying one for me. I learn what things people can change and what will probably never change. I feel like much of my dating in my late teens and early twenties focused on me trying to change myself to try to make a particular dating situation more successful, not I realize it's better to seek out partners where we fit as I currently am. This isn't to say I don't try to change the things about myself that are counterproductive or not healthy - but overall I realize that if someone is a great guy but doesn't make me feel desired and wanted or doesn't want the same future I do that it's better just to walk.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« How do you think you make other people feel? | About You | Creeper at the gym...call the management? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
dating and geography cp30 Dating 100 September 22,2010 5:28am
Dating Multiple Partners & Sex parakeetjordan Dating 69 April 2,2010 9:39pm
Full figured women-how to get more out of online dating outlaw1 A Man's Point of view 9 August 14,2009 3:05pm
Is There Something Dating Articles Aren't Telling Women? outlaw1 A Man's Point of view 22 August 12,2009 8:04am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Umm....I don't think you are clearly seeing this guy for who he is. He has been with two women at all times... First...it was his wife and you...Then it was you and this other woman....And then now ... ” –  Ingytravel

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“Simple answer to the OP's question: NO. The drama isn't worth it. Tell your boyfriend you don't want to be around him when he's like this (and mean it). Go away, find other things to do, and ... ” –  Lindac7

Join the “Dating a Moody Guy. Is the Drama Worth It???” discussion

“But they are all "jocks," so none interest her. Not only would they never like or get her nerdiness since they are jocks, but as jocks, they don't read, go to museums, go to plays, eat, breath... ... ” –  emma_hazards

Join the “Super active/physically fit men not a match” discussion

“ Heh. I was thinking the same thing, I remember this thread from nearly 2 years ago! But, it is definitely fascinating to see the chip on some people's shoulders, when old threads like this get ... ” –  ScottK

Join the “Do men prefer thin women?” discussion

“Thank you everyone for replying...I think I know what's the right thing to do now. I haven't dated a lot and your advice is very helpful. On a side note, yes, he claims that this is his first time ... ” –  smilingeye

Join the “single mother asking for advice: when to introduce him to my children?” discussion

“No. Usually I am thinking In God's name, why is that kid shrieking like that?! Doesn't his mother hear him? Maybe it gets to the point where the kid's own mother can't even hear him anymore, but ... ” –  Faraday

Join the “Saw You Look” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:52am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0