he is bad in bed 70% of the time


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PeanutShell is offline PeanutShell Post #41  May 15,2008, 6:46am
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is hopeful...

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I'm a woman, but I have encountered this as well. One thing I have tried that has worked:

Touch yourself and make sure he sees what you are doing. Enjoy it as you do it, really do things that feel good and make a little noise if you can. I have had someone get very turned on and then "take over", doing exactly what I was doing. Another idea is to tell him you have been fantasizing and it has really been turning you on....he will ask what you have fantasized about and that's your opportunity: "I have imagined you..........." and fill in the blank with what turns you on. It's a good wayof saying what you want in a non-threatening manner. If you want to be totally honest with that, go ahead and fantasize first, so you are being honest about it.
 
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Emme is offline Emme Post #42  May 15,2008, 8:30am

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1japancat,111428 wrote :

Okay guys I haveto give you my update!
I am so happy for you! Not only that your sex life is about to improve dramatically, but that you were both brave enough to get down and dirty honest with each other about things that must have been hard to talk about. I wish you both the best!
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #43  June 8,2008, 8:50pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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That's excellent. You addressed the real issue...talking about what is going on for each of you. I think this will have a much better result than external measures such as writing steamy letters with perfume on them (?). Good luck and keep being honest with each other.
 
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LHB is offline LHB Post #44  June 9,2008, 1:09pm
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PeanutShell,111445 wrote :

I'm a woman, but I have encountered this as well. One thing I have tried that has worked:


Touch yourself and make sure he sees what you are doing. Enjoy it as you do it, really do things that feel good and make a little noise if you can. I have had someone get very turned on and then "take over", doing exactly what I was doing. Another idea is to tell him you have been fantasizing and it has really been turning you on....he will ask what you have fantasized about and that's your opportunity: "I have imagined you..........." and fill in the blank with what turns you on. It's a good wayof saying what you want in a non-threatening manner. If you want to be totally honest with that, go ahead and fantasize first, so you are being honest about it.
It sounds like you're implying that there aren't very many people that, by themselves, are either good or bad in bed. Couples are good or bad in bed. When you are able to synchronize your partner with yourself, "you" as a couple, stand a much better chance of having a fulfilling, ecstatic sexual relationship than if you view the deal as a kind of buyer/seller relationship. Sex is two people relating, and like good conversation, requires that the two people involved be "in synch" with one another. Good advice, in other words.
 
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siren is offline siren Post #45  June 16,2008, 1:10am
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I have not had very many bad sex partners. Guys love to learn what turns you on, and behavior can be shaped, so moan if they are "getting warm". the whole sexual experience is like biofeedback, and luckily I have been with guys who tell me what turns them on, and the more buttons you can push at the same time the more explosive the experience is. Plus I'm really strong and flexible, and have my own agenda, I'm not shy about suggesting other positions, or touch or bite me here etc. Maybe that comes with experience. Sex is about as much fun as you can have with another person. Siren
 
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siren is offline siren Post #46  June 16,2008, 1:17am
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thmhd110,80760 wrote :

1japancat, wrote :
I love this man, I am in love with him, and I don't want to be with anyone else; but he is bad in bed 70% of the time. I have read books and tried countless times to find a way to talk about this with him. The rest of our communication good, so what to do?We both grew up in very strict christian homes and sex was something you couldn't ever talk about. I'm past that but I still don't know how to talk to him about this without hurting him. We've been together 4+ years. Did I mention he a US Marine, that means he's gone on deployments (Iraq, Korea, etc.) 2/3 of the year, so when we do get to make love it seems so intense. So ho do you say "Actually it wasn't that good for me, could you try this instead?" I respond to his stimulation when it's good, but sometimes he doesn't even offer any, he just leaves it to me to get him going and myself going all at the same time. I have a strong libido, but it's dying because it's lacking good fuel. And to make matter worse I have committed the sin of "faking an orgasm" many times because I don't know what else to do.I feel lost, I don't know how to deal with this. I know I have let it go to long. Some good advice, particularly from men, would be much appreciated. 1japancatPS He's leaving in 10 days and won't be back for 9 months. Can I just let this go and we canstart over when he gets back?
I am sorry to tell you this. Sex was never discussed in my home either, but I never had this issue due to my nature as a pleaser, unless I just did not care if she got hers. If he is sex ignorant and needs a road map, if you love him, please give him one, just tell him what you want him to do to you, he will do it, or he won't. You have to have ambition to please a lady and be creative in your thinking to keep doing it. I think there isonly onething that can't be fixed, if the fit is not right. That could be either the man or the womenin that case. I do hope everything works out, I hate to see divorce. So my opinion is you must open the topic with him, be kind, don't bash him. Actually you could just lie and say I'ma little bored with our sex life,honey why don't we try this. Use your imagination and be honest in what you want. who knows.
Hi-I am soooo glad u worked it out. reminds me of a scene in American Beauty where Kevin Spacey is masturbating in bed next to his wife Annette Benning cause they have sex never. and she gets offended. It's just so funny. it's one of my favorite movies, and so true about how sex gets put on the back burner in long-term relationships, frequently. One of my acquaintances told his dad he was getting married and his dad told him "Son, are you tired of having sex so soon?" Funny but so often true. Siren
 
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tyeflash is offline tyeflash Post #47  May 31,2009, 3:24pm
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I had a very open relationship with my parents. But I only had one sexual partner in my life. I met a great woman that had a little more knowledge than I had! I was very up front with her about my lack of knowledge,in the bed room but with time we found what worked for us, we are still finding new things.so I agree be honest it helps knock down walls!!don't be ashamed we all learn in time some of us just are older,but very eager to please our partners!
 
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DontCallMe_IllCallYou is offline DontCallMe_IllCallYou Post #48  June 1,2009, 11:44am
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is happy.

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1japancat wrote :
Okay guys I haveto give you my update!
I'm very happy for you!

Unfortunately nothing worked for me and my exhusand. I tried just about everything. It's horrible when they just don't get it. He certainly had the right equipment, just didn't know how to use it. That's why I always say size truly does not matter and it's not all about "that" to begin with.

Okay, blushing now.
 
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hogrally is offline hogrally Post #49  June 3,2009, 11:44am
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So 30 % of the time you enjoy what he does.
COMPLIMENT HIM!
 
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