How good are you at "putting yourself out there"?


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  February 2,2011, 4:44pm
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I've seen it said (and I agree) that online dating is but one avenue to go about meeting your person and that another good way to meet potential mates is to "get out there", doing things you enjoy or are passionate about, so as to be among like-minded people.

So - how good are you at doing this?

Can you tell us some examples of how you've "put yourself out there", and how well (or not!) those things worked for you?
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #2  February 2,2011, 10:46pm
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Throughout my life, every single time I've ever been asked out on a date...it has always been because I've been doing something ordinary.

Met the first husband when I was hitch-hiking to college. This was way back...when it was safe to do so, of course.

After we divorced and I bought him out of our house, I went down to City Hall to check title...and that's where I met my late husband...he'd gone there to pull a permit for a job.

I like to say my first husband led me to my second.

I'm very active in my community now; have opportunity to meet people practically every single day. Even still wearing my wedding rings, I've had a couple men express interest, and I think it just a matter of time until somebody actually interests me in return.

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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  February 2,2011, 11:01pm
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I would just like to report that I flirted yesterday.

I don't do it all that often (with men I don't know). I am friendly with men I meet up with but I tend to approach them in a friendly way, not flirting. Now and then though, I just flirt.

I'm not really sure if it's the man who inspires me, or I'm just in the mood.

This one is a librarian at my local library -- he's been MIA for awhile and I was glad to see he was there again. I like him! I also like libraries and books and am intrigued by someone who would choose that as a career.

I have however joined classes and groups and gone to parties/functions hoping to "meet someone" but it rarely pans out. Most of my previous bf's I met at work, actually.

So probably I'm not all that good at it.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #4  February 3,2011, 7:07am
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what did you "flirting" consist of?
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #5  February 3,2011, 7:41am
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I'm pretty good at putting myself out there.
I'm a member of a couple of meetup groups and we do all sorts of stuff usually on the weekends, but sometimes weeknights, too.
I also have no problems walking up to strangers or starting up conversations with someone at the gas station, grocery store..whenever, wherever.
I think once you realize most people are waiting for you to break the ice with them, then, whew... that's over..they can relax...you can talk.
It's just that first step that's awkward...but someones got to do it.
Might as well be me.
 
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Bijou13 is offline Bijou13 Post #6  February 3,2011, 10:08am
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Personally, I find it easy to put myself out there and connect with people when its developing casual friendships or business relationships. However, when it comes to dating, I have a hard time opening up. I'm a very private person. Even my closest friends say its hard to get to know me but definitely worthwhile. Being vulnerable is not easy for me to do, but I'm working on it.
 
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SkinsGiants_fan is offline SkinsGiants_fan Post #7  February 3,2011, 10:37am
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I get out there, but a lot of my interests don't seem to appeal to men, like theater, ballet, symphony, yoga and ice skating. I tried some Meetup groups, including some football fans groups, but no luck. (The NYC Redskins meetup group in NYC was the worst... one of them told me point-blank the point of the group is to have a bar where they can catch the game and nobody actually wants to meet people! ) I basically just go about my life doing things that interest me, knowing I haven't a shot in hell of meeting an eligible guy at any of them, and hoping to get some divine intervention at some point!
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  February 3,2011, 10:42am
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SkinsGiants_fan wrote :
I get out there, but a lot of my interests don't seem to appeal to men, like theater, ballet, symphony, yoga and ice skating. I tried some Meetup groups, including some football fans groups, but no luck. (The NYC Redskins meetup group in NYC was the worst... one of them told me point-blank the point of the group is to have a bar where they can catch the game and nobody actually wants to meet people! ) I basically just go about my life doing things that interest me, knowing I haven't a shot in hell of meeting an eligible guy at any of them, and hoping to get some divine intervention at some point!
One poster here volunteered as an usher at her local symphony and said she met a lot of men that way ... just a thought! A way to engage in activities you like that promotes meeting people better than just going to concerts, etc.
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #9  February 3,2011, 10:48am
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
what did you "flirting" consist of?
I "targeted" him to talk to even though he wasn't the librarian who was checking my books out. I let him know I was aware he hadn't been around and was glad he was back. I was friendly, a little joking, lots of eye contact and smiling, said a couple things indicating I liked being in contact with him. That's about it! He was at work, other people were around ... perhaps next time I will find a way to make it more one-on-one. Thanks for making me think about it! lol.
 
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peacefulharp is offline peacefulharp Post #10  February 5,2011, 9:56am
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TheThinker wrote :
It's just that first step that's awkward...but someones got to do it.
Might as well be me.
What a great attitude, Thinker!

If we all took this approach wouldn't everything be so much simpler?

In response to Lori's question - not so great! Like SkinGiantsFan most of the things I do tend to appeal more to women (yoga, playing the celtic harp). I have made some amazing friends, though!

I'm definitely looking for ways to 'put myself out there' and improve my chances - all suggestions welcome. I wonder if it really is as simple as being the one to take the first step in everyday situations...
Last edited by peacefulharp; February 5,2011 at 10:02am. Reason: To actually answer the question...
 
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