wilmingtonmmc is offline wilmingtonmmc Post #1  December 20,2010, 4:54pm
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I have been talking to this guy I meet online since September. He's 27, currently going through a divorce, and he is a Marine. We have met in person one time and talk everyday. He lives two hours away so it makes it even harder to start a realtionship. I am crazy about him though. We always have alot to talk about. I asked him what did he think about us, and he said that he wanted to give me time to really think about dating him. He says it's hard to date a military man. Which I understand that, I know what could happen. I know the distance sucks, but I'm willing to try to start something. I haven't been this crazy about a guy in a long time. I think he's partly scared to start something new when his ex wife cheated on him all the time. What should I do or say? I want to be with him.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #2  December 20,2010, 5:45pm

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get to know him better. I work with military men and women. Many of them are divorced.

I really see two types of military people when it comes to relationships. The type that are just stand up citizens in everything they do, especially relationships. These are the type you want to get into a relationship. Then there are the others...who are somewhat resigned to the 'life' of moving around a lot, have seen too many relationships fall apart, and are more prone to cheating.

I wouldn't give up on him because he's divorced but I'd find out exactly what he means by 'dating a military guy is hard' it might not mean what you think...
 
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Ingytravel is online now Ingytravel Post #3  December 20,2010, 6:09pm
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First off...you have only met him once...not sure how 'crazy' you can be about someone...words on the internet or phone calls are nothing like spending actual time together in real life...

Second...he is STILL married....Let him go through his divorce (which sometimes it happens that people lie about this and aren't really getting divorced)...since you are two hours away..that's a perfect set up for an affair...

But even if it's true...he needs time to heal after his divorce...I took 4 years..I personally never date someone who hasn't been actually divorced for a year or more...it's not just a piece of paper then on to the next person..

So..these issues for me would have me staying away from this man..

Certainly your choice...but my gut feeling on this isn't good for you...
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #4  December 21,2010, 3:09am
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No, I wouldn't date THAT military man. He's not divorced yet and you're just setting yourself up for disappointment.
 
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Pilgrim007 is offline Pilgrim007 Post #5  December 21,2010, 3:49am
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wilmingtonmmc wrote :
I have been talking to this guy I meet online since September. He's 27, currently going through a divorce, and he is a Marine. We have met in person one time and talk everyday. He lives two hours away so it makes it even harder to start a realtionship. I am crazy about him though. We always have alot to talk about. I asked him what did he think about us, and he said that he wanted to give me time to really think about dating him. He says it's hard to date a military man. Which I understand that, I know what could happen. I know the distance sucks, but I'm willing to try to start something. I haven't been this crazy about a guy in a long time. I think he's partly scared to start something new when his ex wife cheated on him all the time. What should I do or say? I want to be with him.
W,

Let me discuss this from a clinical point of view first. I am a Chief Master Sergeant so please understand I know what I say about the legal system. Adultery is a CRIME in the military. It does not matter one bit how much you may love him in the eyes of the Uniformed Code of Military Justice system. Should the two of you become “physical” before his divorce is final he has committed a felony . Do you want the destruction of his career on your conscience?

Second while he claims (I won’t comment on this other than to say not all one says is true) his wife has cheated on him he is still married. A man who is unfaithful once has broken a barrier and it is easier to do this a second time and do you want him to cross this barrier?

Please wait until his divorce is final and he is ready to move on. You deserve a man who is ready to commit to you and not use you as a transition.

I wish you well.

YFR

P.S. I may have misread your post. After rereading it, is the divorce final. You say ex but is it really an ex?

Even if final please be certain that he is ready. I know the effect a uniform can have. We all want you to be happy but if he is not ready this will only lead to heartache and not the happy ending we hope for you.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #6  December 21,2010, 10:41am
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Count my vote in agreement with the other posters here...Good luck..
Yes...this exactly....... very wise words:
Ingytravel wrote :
First off...you have only met him once...not sure how 'crazy' you can be about someone...words on the internet or phone calls are nothing like spending actual time together in real life...

Second...he is STILL married....Let him go through his divorce (which sometimes it happens that people lie about this and aren't really getting divorced)...since you are two hours away..that's a perfect set up for an affair...

But even if it's true...he needs time to heal after his divorce...I took 4 years..I personally never date someone who hasn't been actually divorced for a year or more...it's not just a piece of paper then on to the next person..

So..these issues for me would have me staying away from this man..

Certainly your choice...but my gut feeling on this isn't good for you...
 
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szgorzelski is offline szgorzelski Post #7  December 21,2010, 10:57am
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Like the Chief Master SGT said, a lot depends on if he's actually divorced or not. You didn't make it clear because you mentioned an "ex wife", as in they are already divorced, but said he was still going through a divorce. In the military, we get penalized through both civilian courts and military courts if we do something wrong, and sometimes we have to suffer UCMJ for doing something civilians are perfectly legal to do. Like what was already mentioned, adultery is one of those things. Many times it is not enforced, but sometimes it is. Let him know that you know this and if he isn't officially divorced yet, maybe he'll try to speed up the process a little more so he can be with you.

As far as being with a military man in general, it has many pros and cons that you have to consider. The pros include many monetary incentives. The servicemember will get extra money for housing and food to support his family, free medical care for dependents, on-post child care that is extremely affordable and strictly adheres to legal standards, on-post schools that I would consider to be of private school quality, and many different types of family functions. We get 30 days of vacation a year, many 3 and 4-day weekends, many posts have half days on Fridays, and half days going on right now due to CHristmas and New Years. Like I mentioned before, we fall under both civilian and military laws, so we get in a lot more trouble for doing something wrong than the general population does. So the years of servicemembers getting into druken brawls at bars and strip clubs are long gone. You can expect an upstanding citizen since our crime rates are lower than the general population.

On the other hand, there's always going to be deployments. It depends on the branch how long they will be deployed. Army has the longest at a year. Marines are usually tied to a Naval unit, so theirs are usually 7-8 months, but can sometimes also be a year. Air Force has the shortest. It should also be noted that many servicemembers who have joined since 9/11 have never deployed. 40% of current Soldiers in the Army have never deployed, so it's not as if they are in Iraq or Afghanistan their whole careers. Other cons: training exercises and schools can keep your military man away when he's not deployed. Some are only a week while others can be 2 or even 3 months, or even longer. Suicide rates are on the rise. Some of the unlucky ones suffer PTSD, which can have an affect on the family. Then of course there's also the possibilty of a disabling injury or death.

So you see, it's an extremely different lifestyle from what you're used to. Some wives can hack it, some can't and leave. A popular sticker on car windows is - Army Wife: Toughest job in the Army. There's truth to that.
 
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