Do You Date With Your Mind Or Your Heart?


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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #1  August 5,2010, 9:44am
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I have noticed that we have shared lots of dating strategies, rituals, do's and don'ts. My question is, honestly, do you date with your mind or do you let the heart lead? Do you stick to certain "schedules" or "rules" of dating even when you feel like it's right to take a chance? ie, the first kiss. I know some have rules that they do not kiss on the first, or even the second date no matter what.

What are the advantages/disadvantages to dating with mostly your mind? Same question for the heart.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #2  August 5,2010, 9:59am

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The way I see it people create and seek rules so that when it fails they can say I did everything right so it is not me. I think they fail to see that even if you did everything wrong, but were yourself, it is still not you. There are just people you are not compatible with. I think the disconnect comes when the person seems perfect for you but you don't seem perfect for them. The idea that they were right for you doesn't by proxy mean you should be right for them but you messed something up.

I date with my heart and ignore my mind when it offers advice. I use my mind when my heart seeks guidence. Your mind does not offer advice what it offers is a critical analysis of where your self-esteem is lacking and why those failures are going to cause the relationship to end badly. Your heart feels what is going on, it has no reason to deceive because it is not trying to protect you. It is just reporting the facts and it is up to how you control your mind what you do with those facts. I trust my heart and question my mind.

I am making this far more complicated than it needs to be, sorry.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  August 5,2010, 10:15am
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Are you asking this with your heart or with your mind?

Both, right? You are thinking about this topic, but you also have feelings about it. Both count. I think there are very few human activities that are pure heart or pure mind.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #4  August 5,2010, 10:44am
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greg75 wrote :
I have noticed that we have shared lots of dating strategies, rituals, do's and don'ts. My question is, honestly, do you date with your mind or do you let the heart lead? Do you stick to certain "schedules" or "rules" of dating even when you feel like it's right to take a chance? ie, the first kiss. I know some have rules that they do not kiss on the first, or even the second date no matter what.

What are the advantages/disadvantages to dating with mostly your mind? Same question for the heart.
Anyone who dates people with just using their mind is looking for a robot.
Anyone who dates with just their heart will never learn from their mistakes.

I believe you have to take a common sense approach to it, in that you have to be willing to set aside some common held misconceptions to truly make yourself available.
A lot of time, love doesn't make any sense, and yet we insist on applying logic to it, all the time(if love is indeed your desired end result for dating....to some people, I believe it isn't...)
How many times do we see people jump to conclusions based upon what they read in some book?

It's easy to think with just your mind when you are buying a car, or maybe a house...but you've got to have balance in your decision making, whenever you are talking about living, breathing things.
 
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DashMN is offline DashMN Post #5  August 5,2010, 11:08am
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TheThinker wrote :
It's easy to think with just your mind when you are buying a car, or maybe a house...
Not if your salesperson has any skill. Salespeople, just like advertisers, are trained to appeal to emotion. The human animal tends to make emotional decisions first and rationalize after, no matter how much we like to deceive ourselves that our intellect is guiding us. I don't imagine dating is any different.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #6  August 5,2010, 11:29am
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DashMN wrote :
Not if your salesperson has any skill. Salespeople, just like advertisers, are trained to appeal to emotion. The human animal tends to make emotional decisions first and rationalize after, no matter how much we like to deceive ourselves that our intellect is guiding us. I don't imagine dating is any different.
Yes, I know this as I've bought houses before.
my point is that if you make strictly emotional decisions, you'll be burned almost 100% of the time, and that's more important when looking for a partner. There has to be balance.

Here's another way of looking at it: selling a house(for me) is a heck of a lot easier than getting divorced.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #7  August 5,2010, 11:41am
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good topic Greg...

So here is how it goes for me..

Heart says... she's puurrdy!
Mind replies: yup
Heart says: Let's date her!
Mind replies yup!

Then when the red flags are flyin...
Heart says.. let's take a closer look at them
Mind replies let's kiss her and ignore them
Heart says... good idea!!

Weeks pass and....
Hearts says.. Is it flag day? look at all those!
Mind replies..ignore.. ignore..

Then I say: I'm enjoying my time with you..
and she says.. I am too but, I still want to date others


Heart and mind then beat each other up for 2 weeks straight!

sorry ya'll in a silly mood.. drinking is involved!
Last edited by TrekRyder10; August 5,2010 at 12:18pm.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #8  August 5,2010, 11:53am
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heart: Boy, he seems really cool...and he likes me.
mind: its a trick! wonder what's wrong with him...why is he single??

heart: I'm gonna ask her out again...
mind: she might say no...the heck with that!

heart: I haven't heard from him in two days, he might just be busy, though
mind: Busy, that's BS! he's just not interested in me...
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #9  August 5,2010, 12:05pm
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TrekRyder10 wrote :
good topic Greg...

So here is how it goes for me..

Heart says... she's puurrdy!
Mind replies: yup
Heart says: Let's date her!
Mind replies yup!

Then when the red flags are flyin...
Heart says.. let's take a closer look at them
crotch replies let's kiss her and ignore them
Heart >(this term is iffy) says... yup

Then I say: I'm enjoying my time with you..
and she says.. I am too but, I still want to date others


Heart and mind then beat each other up for 2 weeks straight!



sorry ya'll in a silly mood.. drinking is involved!
Fixed it!
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #10  August 5,2010, 12:20pm

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So what we have learned is both a man's heart and mind think with his little head?
 
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