Are we REALLY not made for monogamy?


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  July 29,2010, 5:38pm
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Monogamy unnatural for our sexy species - CNN.com

This article essentially suggests that we're too preoccupied with sex as a species to make monogamy a truly viable option, overall.

What do YOU think?
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #2  July 29,2010, 5:51pm

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Of course only my opinion but the most mind blowing sex is only possible when you really know (mentally) the other person. Just not possible unless you are monogamous.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #3  July 29,2010, 6:14pm
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I seldom disagree with Jo, but I do here.

And of course this is just my opinion about sex..and you knew I'd have one, right?

I think given the right situations and person, mind blowing sex can occur with a perfect stranger-a one night stand for example.

And I think it depends on the stage a woman (as I speak from this womans POV here) is in, in her life.

I had years of boring uninspired sex with my ex husband, who I loved a lot and with whom I tried like mad to instill some passion. Then one night I met a man, at a retirement party-got a bit drunk and had the most fantastic sex in the back seat of his car that I had ever had.

It was the right time and place and we both were totally astounded at what had happened, by what we had shared..... I was divorced a year later and had a 13 year relationship with mindblower. We never lived together - he lived quite a distance from me and I had kids established in the area-but I'd visit him for weeks of great sex and companionship.

As far as the topic, again depends on the place the individual is in. I can't address the species as a whole because really each of us are so different in so many ways regardless of what the egg heads say.

When a woman is in her most productive childrearing age, she needs monogamy to parent and support the children. Even if she doesn't plan on having children, those primitive signals don't go away.

In a later age, like where I am now, monogamy is of little concern to me except for safety reasons because of the STD's that abound now.
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NYCpigeon is online now NYCpigeon Post #4  July 29,2010, 7:36pm
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eHA_Admin_Lori wrote :
Monogamy unnatural for our sexy species - CNN.com

This article essentially suggests that we're too preoccupied with sex as a species to make monogamy a truly viable option, overall.

What do YOU think?
Nice try Christopher Ryan. But, your theory is more wish-based than science-based.

If nothing else, this is a topic that is currently the flavor of the month. I feel sorry for anyone that takes it too seriously and attempts to buy into it.

First off, true monogamy is relatively uncommon today. it has been and is being slowly replaced with serial monogamy: having one sexual partner at a time, but not keeping that partner indefinitely.

Attitudes and practices towards monogamy tend to vary by culture. Some factors that I believe may influence these attitudes would include socio-economics, average life expectancy, proximity to the equator, education, and cultural norms and taboos.

Marriage, with its belief in monogamy evolved through religeous and societal forces. At its simplest, it can be said that marriage provides for a more stable and productive society. Societies like the U.S. encourage marriage for many reasons. Our government wants/needs people to have a sense of stability, support, and continuity for the reasons that they need a stable work force and a means to replace the aging with the next generation of tax payers.

So our religeous institutions and government (church and state) both play a role in encouraging long-term relationaships which include monogamy.

The idea that polygamy is where it's at, or that it will become normal, or that this is what humans really want is just not supported strongly anywhere in the article.

Humans are not chimps, gorillas, or baboons. We like intimacy. And intimacy is really not possible without trust and bonding. And we like predictability much more than we care to admit.

If you want to know what happens in a polygamist societies look at what goes on in parts of Utah. They make the 6:00 News on occasion. I don't think there's a lot of Americans that would want that for themselves.

I honestly believe that if cave people had frying pans that we would have found several of them in excavation sites that are shaped like a man's head. I think it's human nature to be jealous of a partner's affection.

Monogamous relationships work well for our capitalist, first-world society.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #5  July 29,2010, 7:51pm

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Okay so Roxy brings up a good point. Yes you can have mind blowing sex with someone you just met. But...Roxy? Could you have mind blowing sex with someone you just met if you had just had mind blowing sex with your guy at home? Ignoring the exhaustion and hunger issues of course.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #6  July 29,2010, 8:55pm
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
Okay so Roxy brings up a good point. Yes you can have mind blowing sex with someone you just met. But...Roxy? Could you have mind blowing sex with someone you just met if you had just had mind blowing sex with your guy at home? Ignoring the exhaustion and hunger issues of course.
At the risk of sounding like an egg head here ...

The way I understand things in general, the romantic circuit for "The One" can really only be occupied by one interest at a time. So if you have such an interest you generally won't be interested in someone else.

But if the person occupying that circuit is losing your attention for whatever reason ... then it's pretty easy for someone to come in like that and capture that circuit for themselves.

This just my limited understanding of the current research brot to you by your friendly neighborhood science nerd. I don't mean to take the magic out of anything here. I actually just think the science is cool and interesting and to me makes it more magical.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #7  July 29,2010, 9:35pm
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Thank you Ms Egghead. Makes sense. No way to go back in time and check that out though.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #8  July 29,2010, 11:12pm
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I actually believe that humans can be very satisfied & unbelievably happy with a partner with a very similar sex drive.

If that need is satisfied then one is far less likely to stray.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #9  July 30,2010, 7:06am

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bigfincat wrote :
I actually believe that humans can be very satisfied & unbelievably happy with a partner with a very similar sex drive.

If that need is satisfied then one is far less likely to stray.
I keep agreeing with you, kinda scary. Just kidding you always have good opinions I just don't always agree with them.

I was miserable in my marriage but I would never have had an affair. I flirted a lot! but would have never acted on it. Perhaps that is only the difference between my personality and someone else. Flirting was enough to fill that void so I didn't need to go any further.

Monogamy is easy with two people who are sexually compatible. Maybe people should just start having sex as their first meet to rule out the duds. That was a joke Nightling .
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #10  July 30,2010, 7:25am
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RoxyRedhead wrote :
Thank you Ms Egghead. Makes sense. No way to go back in time and check that out though.
you're welcome
 
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