How Elusive is Chemistry?


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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #1  July 29,2010, 2:17pm
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How often do you feel chemistry with someone?

I feel like it's very rare, for me. To me, chemistry is just when I "click" with someone, and (although it can be) it's not necessarily sexual. It's just a spark, a feeling that the other person "gets" you. You're comfortable and happy to be around that person; they excite you and challenge you and spark your interest.

I've currently got a very small handful of friends who I "click" with (and only one within a few hundred miles!), and I've only felt this way once with a guy.

Maybe some people feel chemistry more easily?
Last edited by chimerical; August 9,2010 at 1:19pm.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  July 29,2010, 2:25pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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It's pretty rare for me too. Though, for me a large part of it is pure physical attraction....though that can also be killed by a really bad attitude.
 
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Glimflicker is offline Glimflicker Post #3  July 29,2010, 2:28pm
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chimerical wrote :
How often do you feel chemistry with someone?

I feel like it's very rare, for me. To me, chemistry is just when I "click" with someone, and (although it can be) it's not necessarily sexual. It's just a spark, a feeling that the other person "gets" you. You're comfortable and happy to be around that person; they excite you and challenge you and spark your interest.

I've currently got a very small handful of friends who I "click" with (and only one within a few hundred miles!), and I've only felt this way once with a guy.

Maybe some people feel chemistry more easily?
To date, I've only really clicked with two women like you're talking about. My current roommate and best friend also gets me like you're talking about, I agree that it is really rare. It was nowhere near instantaneous with any of the three, so I really do feel that it's something that can be achieved in the long-term with somebody that is willing to work towards it.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #4  July 29,2010, 2:28pm
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I firmly believe chemistry is partially under your control. The way we think can affect said chemistry.

My last date, which is quickly turning into a relationship, was like that. I have never felt such instant chemistry with someone. It almost scares me how it feels. So i look at what I did on my end to achieve this.

I did something that I normally don't do. I took a little leap of faith, and opened myself up a little. I went into the first date as more as an adventure of "see where this leads and go with the flow" more than "don't make any mistakes".

I made many mistakes, but because I was just going with the flow, and being myself, my date ignored these mistakes and enjoyed herself as well. However, i feel that me being open with how I felt, made her feel comfortable in doing the same. The result was we fed into one another and something wonderful is being born.

Chemistry, in my opinion, doesn't just happen. It can take time to nurture, but very rarely does it just hit you in the face and run. You have to work at it, but letting it happen. That's the hard part. Once you make the decision in your mind that "there is no chemistry". You're done, you'll never change your mind and your end is shut down. If your end is shut down, chemistry will not happen because you need both sides for it to make it work. Chemistry can be elusive if you keep going out with people who won't open up. Who can say why they won't. But if either side decides they'll clam up, the date is doomed.

Now, sometimes, there really isn't any chemistry. But i prefer to think that if you give yourself a chance to feel something, you might convince someone else to do the same thing without even trying and who knows what might happen.
 
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suzyblueeyes is offline suzyblueeyes Post #5  July 29,2010, 2:34pm
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I have felt physical chemistry more often than "clicking". "Clicking" either with a new friend or a date is a once every few years occurrence.
 
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scorpiodesigns is offline scorpiodesigns Post #6  July 31,2010, 6:01pm
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I am glad to read the other responses, because out of at least 50 internet dates, I have only felt "chemistry" 4 times, and I was starting to wonder if something was wrong with me. It is not all about physical attraction, but that definitely has to be there to some degree. My litmus test has been if, on the first date, I can picture myself kissing the person at some point, then that is enough physical attraction to give a second date a try. However, there MUST be more than just physical attraction for me to want to go out again. I have gone out with very attractive men who I had no interest in seeing again, because we did not "click" in other ways. And one really great kiss can make the chemistry go from "potential" to "wow!" in an instant.
 
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morningsunlight is offline morningsunlight Post #7  August 1,2010, 7:37am
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chimerical wrote :
How often do you feel chemistry with someone?

I feel like it's very rare, for me. To me, chemistry is just when I "click" with someone, and (although it can be) it's not necessarily sexual. It's just a spark, a feeling that the other person "gets" you. You're comfortable and happy to be around that person; they excite you and challenge you and spark your interest.

I've currently got a very small handful of friends who I "click" with (and only one within a few hundred miles!), and I've only felt this way once with a guy.

Maybe some people feel chemistry more easily?
Intellectual chemistry is extremely important for me. They have something that challenges me intellectually and it's just fun and intellectually engaging to talk and discuss with them.

And chemistry at the emotional and spiritual levels is even more important for me. Sensitive, yet deep emotions and spirits just get me.

In either way, they are passionate, curious people, both males and females.

Friends of these friends bring like-minded souls. So it's not that difficult to meet these people through friends. You also attract like-minded people. So it's going to be mutual.

I have nice friends without these strong clicks and it's really comfortable to be with them. But it's not that I cannot stop thinking about what they've said or done.
 
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Crcbonjour is offline Crcbonjour Post #8  August 1,2010, 5:05pm
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It's rare, that's for sure. It has to happen on many levels - common interests, physical attraction, intellectual, sense of humor, to use the words others are using - something just clicks and you are awash with feelings that just feel amazing.

I think I have only felt it twice in my life and not yet on an eH date.

Maybe you could call it something like "the planets aligning" because everything just about feels right. Nothing is perfect but can sure feel really, really good
 
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Donia is offline Donia Post #9  August 7,2010, 10:57am
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Like most people,I use to go by physical attraction. But now,I strongly believe that "Laughter does good,like a medicine". If someone makes me laugh,and that makes me feel good,I feel a spark and desire to be with that person as much as possible.As my grandmother told me"Outward beauty is only skin deep"and will fade with age.Sence of humor is ageless(and priceless)!
Last edited by Donia; August 7,2010 at 10:59am. Reason: msspelled word
 
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Artisan is offline Artisan Post #10  August 7,2010, 11:22am
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I don't find chemistry to be elusive at all; it's either there or not. I've had two long term relationships in my life where the chemistry was there immediately and the relationship was good for a long time before things went badly enough for us to break up.

The two things that get me right away are intellectual chemistry and a sense of humor. If the guy can genuinely make me laugh, he's halfway there. And then, if he can make love to my mind, that's almost as good as making love to the rest of me!
 
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