illustrator is offline illustrator Post #11  July 28,2010, 1:29pm
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chemgal is offline chemgal Post #12  July 28,2010, 2:26pm
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socalgal55 wrote :
What are your body-type preferences for your mate?

A) Thin and very lean
B) Muscular and athletic
C) Average - height and weight proportionate
D) Larger than average
E) I'm open, their values and personality are much more important to me.

So gals how do you feel about an overweight man? What do you consider overweight to be in terms of pounds? Does it matter that much to you? Why or why not?
I do not like this as a first-round question. I assume e-harmony has it for the folks that don't post pictures but it screams "I have weight issues". I received it once and I think I picked C because it was the first match to contact me and it didn't occur to me to write in an E of my own. I wasn't really happy with C as an answer, though, because I don't "look for" average or thin or muscular or whatever. It's all part of the package that makes the person. I won't pretend that there isn't a point at which a man would be too large (or too emaciated, for that matter) for me to find him attractive but that point would be different for different men.

With regards to the second set of questions, the man I'm in love with is overweight. He's quite a lot taller than me so he can get away with it, but I know he wants to lose weight (and has, he tells me, lost some since we started seeing each other; most of our dates have involved quite a bit of walking since we're both outdoorsy types). I'm still incredibly attracted to him - physically, mentally, emotionally, the whole deal. He knows this, and I've told him that if he wants to lose weight for himself/his health, that's great, but he doesn't need to lose it for me. (This came up in an appropriate context - not out of the blue like it might sound.) Having lost a lot of weight myself, I know that the only motivation that really works longterm is internal not external.

I can't define "overweight" in terms of pounds - unless you mean in terms to pounds-to-lose. Even then, someone who's 5'0 with 30 pounds to lose will look different from someone who's 6'0 with 30 pounds to lose. BMI kind of works as a very loose guide - but it breaks down for those of us with a lot of muscle mass for our size. I tend to get my weight guessed as 10-20 pounds lighter than it actually is. (I assume the 20 pound off people are lowballing their guesses to be nice, but their starting point pre-lowball is still lower than the real number.)
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Crcbonjour is offline Crcbonjour Post #13  July 28,2010, 4:00pm
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It's kind of like this.....I don't like too thin (have dated this type) and cannot date greatly overweight, for medical reasons that I simply cannot go into here, but yes it relates to me.

I am, for what it's worth, thin and petite. I spent the last few years being petite and not thin due to a medical problem and so it was due to no fault of my own, and it pained me terribly because it's not like I was hitting the Doritos every night - I ate very healty but my situation was uncontrollable. I am now back to my lifetime norm of being slim and petite and happy.

I would say an Average/Healty type body would be ideal for me, again, this is largely due to medical reasons and I know you're all going "rubbish" but it is. This just isn't the forum to go into it in detail.
Simply put for me to remain healthy, I need to be with someone like minded. There's nothing on eH that specifies body preference, just pics if someone chooses to post them. That said, if a match does not post a pic, I simply "Archive" because I did the work to put MYSELF out there and if they won't, then it's a dealbreaker for me. And not because I'm afraid they're overweight; I just think it's stupid to be on a dating service and not post a picture. If you're soooo worried about your privacy, then don't join an online dating service!

I tend to observe couples and see a lot of couples who are of similar physical condition in the real world. Then occassionally, I see couples where one is small and the other is big; but there tend to be other factors in play in those couples, which I decline to represent here, which also tend to explain that "difference" of size because some people do indeed enjoy the presence of a voluptuous woman or Big/Tall man in their life. It is indeed a VERY PERSONAL preference when variances occur - and I do observe all the time. But generally, to the OPs question, I think the tendency is to go for average, in general as that is what category many people fit into.

The post with the men's/woman's height - weight chart? Did that come from some anorexic website? Men with that height and body weight would look AWFUL to me. And the woman's site made no good sense whatsoever, just from a standpoint of shopping/sizing to fit clothes. Never saw anything so off track in my life.

Do agree with the muscle men being completely narcisisistic, ONLY because I have one across the street from me, and in my neighborhood, who are generally lacking overall in any mental substance whatsoever (proven to me again & again) and I know it is only being done to enhance their looks FIRST for themselves and SECOND for attracting females, which, NEVER seems to work because he cannot keep one around long enough to even learn their names. All those mirrors in the sports clubs - there for a reason. Whoever said you need to see yourself when you workout if you know what you're doing? Some people just love staring at their bodies, and I've got a large representative pool of them locally here. They are mental zeroes.

But in general, what do I see? Obese young children being raised by obese parents, single or otherwise, wearing the tightest clothes and looking as cheap as can be. Hey, if you GIVE IT AWAY, just about anyone will take it, but they won't marry it.

If there were no pics on eH, how much dating do you think would actually taking place? Size wise or otherwise? Whether it's size, hair, eye color or height or other things, we do judge physically at first and for many, that can or is a deal breaker, not just a topic of discussion.

And as to weight here, am I going to be the only one who thinks of things like: Diabetes, stroke, heart disease, peripheral artery disease, likely orthopaedic issues, trouble breathing etc.? We all face enough health risks to deal with as it is, add on the risks that come with obesity and you've got a hornet's nest of potential deadly risks, and at a young age. Now of course we can marry average people and ourselves be average and illness can strike anyway - no one is guaranteed tomorrow, just today. But living with incrementally high risks and trying to love someone with it, well these are risks one has to be prepared to take. You can hate me for it, or simply google it and find the same information yourselves.

Too thin comes with risks too - deficiencies in many areas, also heart risks, poor nutrition, anemia, low blood counts, poor stamina........it goes both ways.

I guess it's what one is willing to live with and what one finds attractive. Curvy is attractive.......and not overweight. Physically fit (and not a gym rat) is also attractive, just healthy and average is just average and works for whomever. Whatever the "E" stood for, I don't know. Maybe doing what I did and speaking the unspeakable. And also the "medical issues" I have that would preclude me from dating an overweight man. There is simply nothing I can do about that matter.

But I say to anyone, if you are happy with your beloved - DOES IT REALLY MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS ABOUT THE PERSON'S BODY TO ANYONE BUT YOU? Not really, nor should it. If you are in love with someone, you love their all, inside and out. So why bother debating it. Everyone is looking for something and hardly anyone is looking for the same "package" in total. This is just a physical quality that may or may not mean much to a potential mate. Someone is so much more than just their body.
Last edited by Crcbonjour; July 28,2010 at 4:05pm.
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #14  July 28,2010, 5:52pm
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Crcbonjour wrote :
The post with the men's/woman's height - weight chart? Did that come from some anorexic website? Men with that height and body weight would look AWFUL to me. And the woman's site made no good sense whatsoever, just from a standpoint of shopping/sizing to fit clothes. Never saw anything so off track in my life.
It was based on finding from an insurance company. Basically, people in those weight ranges were the lowest risk to the company. Too low or too high cost the insurance company more money.

Like I said before. I think people look best somewhere between 5 and 20 pounds over what's there. I like the way I look best around 10 pounds over what's there. I'm 5'9" and my frame is classified at the high end of medium, therefore it says I should be 160 lbs. At that weight I look and feel too skinny (imo). 165 looks ok, but, I think I look best at 170.
 
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Dopplegirl is offline Dopplegirl Post #15  July 29,2010, 11:34am
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In all honesty, ever since I was in grade school, I've been attracted to men who were heavy-set (not obese). I still am. Of course, I'm also attracted to average-size, muscular, etc., however, there's nothing better than the teddy-bear type! Obviously, we all have our own ideas of what is and isn't attractive. Looks are never the most important thing to me... chemistry is.. how that person makes you feel.. and how they treat you... now that's what really matters!
 
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charmed59 is online now charmed59 Post #16  July 29,2010, 2:35pm
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I'm fairly active, and I need them to keep up. It doesn't matter what size, I just need them to keep up.
 
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hurricaneb is offline hurricaneb Post #17  July 29,2010, 3:01pm
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I have dated thinner guys and guys who need to lose a few lbs. You can have the spark with someone whether they are fat or thin. I don't like guys who are so lean they look like a toothpick. It is just a matter of personal preference.
 
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ladylovelylocks is offline ladylovelylocks Post #18  July 29,2010, 3:10pm
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dmi wrote :
Weight and BMI aren't necessarily good measures. Most people don't know their Body Fat %, which is a better measure. Given that...

Here's a chart I found for ideal weights by height and gender for someone with a medium size frame:

Women
4'10" 109-121
4'11" 111-123
5'0" 113-126
5'1" 115-129
5'2" 118-132
5'3" 121-135
5'4" 124-138
5'5" 127-141
5'6" 130-144
5'7" 133-147
5'8" 136-150
5'9" 139-153
5'10" 142-156
5'11" 145-159
6'0" 148-162

Men
5'2" 131-141
5'3" 133-143
5'4" 135-145
5'5" 137-148
5'6" 139-151
5'7" 142-154
5'8" 145-157
5'9" 148-160
5'10" 151-163
5'11" 154-166
6'0" 157-170
6'1" 160-174
6'2" 164-178
6'3" 167-182
6'4" 171-187


Generally speaking, I find people with an average build at the listed weights to be too thin for my tastes. So I guess you could say I prefer women who are somewhat overweight, maybe in the 5-20 lb range. Above that, the more overweight, the greater the chance I will find them unattractive.

All that being said, as long as they are healthy and I find them attractive, weight isn't an issue.
hmmmmm....... interesting. I am 5'2" and I weigh around 105. This would seem to say that I am very skinny, but I am not, and actually cannot fit into tall boots hardly ever. Maybe I am mostly air?


I do have body preferences for men. I really cannot stand any extra fat on a man I'd be with. He doesn't have to be super lean like a marathon runner or a super buff body builder, but to me a man is not soft he is not flabby.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #19  July 29,2010, 3:55pm
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dmi wrote :
It was based on finding from an insurance company. Basically, people in those weight ranges were the lowest risk to the company. Too low or too high cost the insurance company more money.
These tables assume that someone is of medium frame and is wearing clothing and shoes with 1 inch heels. So, you have to add at least an inch to your height, and 3-5 pounds to adjust for clothing weight, before you can compare yourself to the table (and, if you are of slender or larger build, subtract or add pounds accordingly).

They aren't actually a very good reference for numerous reasons, especially if you are not average height.
 
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chemgal is offline chemgal Post #20  July 29,2010, 4:53pm
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ladylovelylocks wrote :
hmmmmm....... interesting. I am 5'2" and I weigh around 105. This would seem to say that I am very skinny, but I am not, and actually cannot fit into tall boots hardly ever. Maybe I am mostly air?
Maybe - because even if you have a slender frame (which I assume you must), 105 is very light for someone who's 5'2.
 
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