A sudden change of stance


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scarletclassic is offline scarletclassic Post #1  July 2,2010, 6:58pm
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Not sure where this sudden impulse has come from, but it isn't leaving.

26, single female, never had sex. Not a whole lot of opportunities in the past, but I was very sure I never wanted to do the one-night stand thing and so everytime it came close I backed off. I always wanted it to happen with someone who I was in a long term r'ship with. And so I've 'stood my ground' so to speak for the last 7 years. Not deeply religious and I do believe in sex before marriage, but yet to find someone I feel comfortable with.

Now I can't stand it. At moments I am prepared to give all that away for impulsivity. I don't want to but the want is greater than the morals at times. Any suggestions for suppressing the impulse, or entertaining it without a one night stand?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  July 2,2010, 7:17pm
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Perhaps a severly time consuming hobby?

- Construct a wooden ship (scale relica of anything which defeated the Crown) out of a piece of driftwood?

- Learn why 100 year old aged whiskey tastes so good by making some?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  July 2,2010, 7:18pm
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Dang, those are good ideas!
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #4  July 2,2010, 7:25pm

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scarletclassic wrote :

Now I can't stand it. At moments I am prepared to give all that away for impulsivity.
Don't do it for this reason. Don't find a stranger to have sex (and not enjoy it) because you think you can't find anybody else and think waiting for the person is a wasted effort.
Last edited by PY_2; July 2,2010 at 7:26pm. Reason: unless the stranger is me (call me! Let's go for ice cream!)
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #5  July 2,2010, 7:37pm
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scarletclassic wrote :
Now I can't stand it. At moments I am prepared to give all that away for impulsivity. I don't want to but the want is greater than the morals at times. Any suggestions for suppressing the impulse, or entertaining it without a one night stand?
PY_2 wrote :
Don't do it for this reason. Don't find a stranger to have sex (and not enjoy it) because you think you can't find anybody else and think waiting for the person is a wasted effort.
I agree with PY.

I think what you are describing - the heightened increase with wanting to have sex - is related to hormones and biology. I went through something similar around age 28 - I'm now 35 - and no signs of the urge 'slacking off'. It is strongest just before my period. From conversations I've had here and in real life, many women experience this. You're not alone.

Oh, and welcome to EHA!
Last edited by meri75; July 2,2010 at 7:38pm. Reason: Added welcome.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #6  July 3,2010, 1:54am
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You are definitely not alone. (I am a liberal atheist who didn't give up virginity until the age of 45.)

I also do not recommend giving in to impulsivity under these kinds of circumstances. (It's quite another to give in to impulsivity--a one-night stand--if you really want to, if that makes any sense.)

Have you tried taking care of things yourself? If you know what I mean.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #7  July 3,2010, 1:54am
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You are definitely not alone. (I am a liberal atheist who didn't give up virginity until the age of 45.)

I also do not recommend giving in to impulsivity under these kinds of circumstances. (It's quite another to give in to impulsivity--a one-night stand--if you really want to, if that makes any sense.)

Have you tried taking care of things yourself? If you know what I mean.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #8  July 3,2010, 7:30am
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scarletclassic wrote :
N Now I can't stand it. At moments I am prepared to give all that away for impulsivity. I don't want to but the want is greater than the morals at times. Any suggestions for suppressing the impulse, or entertaining it without a one night stand?
The more that you meditate on it, the worse it will get. I would say try to redirect your thoughts when you think about it, and remember why you are waiting for the right person instead of just anyone. It will be so much better with the right person
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #9  July 3,2010, 7:51am
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I agree with others that the one-night stand approach is not a good one, but there are still a lot of options between that and "true love."

Maybe think about what you mean by "the right person." It sounds like in the past you have thought of that as "the love of your life one and only" sort of guy, but perhaps you are thinking about it differently now. It could be a good friend, it could be someone you've been going out with for a month, it could be someone with whom you've made a commitment to be exclusive... That's something for you to think about and figure out...

In my point of view at least, this is not a "morals" issue. It's simply a matter of choice about what you want to do with your own body and with whom you wish to do it.

(And, as Iconography suggested, I hope you are comfortable enough with your body to "take care of" the urges on your own...lol)
Last edited by neardc; July 3,2010 at 7:53am.
 
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Jules5401 is offline Jules5401 Post #10  July 3,2010, 11:18am
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Well...I've been right where you are. Seriously. Waited until I was in my 20's...and then after I waited that long, felt even stronger that it should be with someone special. And then it started to get old. I wanted more...but was having a hard time finding that person to be with. Not to mention that when it did come up in dating I was suddenly a conquest that they just had to have. It became obnoxious. Evenutally I found someone I was just wildly attracted to that seemed to really know what they were doing. We were dating, but it wasn't a a major love connection. But I was comfortable with him, he was patient and understanding with me...so I did it. I never regreted it, I never wished I waited for someone more special...and now he is someone special to me, even though we both moved on.

My advice...understand what you want and why you want it... And if having sex is what you want to do...just find someone you trust and are comfortable with and have fun with it.
 
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