Do i have a problem? Please advise


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ace080479 is offline ace080479 Post #1  July 1,2010, 4:37pm
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Hi all, i was just wondering, do i have a problem if i'm unable to talk to women and get to know them better. I mean, i see many ladies around me and many of my female friends said iam not that bad looking, but i can't seem to talk to women to ask them even for their phone number or a date. And the few times that i have made it to the dinner or lunch alone with a woman, i'm lost for words most of the time or just end up talking about weird and random stuff or things about me. Is there a problem with me, and if there is , can anyone help me out with some advice....
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  July 1,2010, 4:41pm
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Do you have anything to talk about?

In my experience, just being well-informed is sufficient to have topics for conversation.

Now, overcoming a sense of futility at trying, that's another question entirely!
 
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ace080479 is offline ace080479 Post #3  July 1,2010, 7:57pm
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i know,and i try to be well informed, but when i see a gilr i'm interested in, i freeze up and don't know what to say her, even as simple as asking her for her number...
 
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annother is offline annother Post #4  July 1,2010, 8:21pm
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Make it a habit to ask open-ended questions of the people you meet. That way you give them an opportunity to talk about themselves and usually they will follow up by asking you a similar question. Then you have something to talk about.

Good conversationalists are actually people who ask good questions.
 
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yeah_itsnew is offline yeah_itsnew Post #5  July 1,2010, 8:43pm
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any advice for someone who filled out the questionnaire and got a reply, Sorry, there are no matches for you? a nice explanation, but jeez...
 
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Dragonesse is offline Dragonesse Post #6  July 1,2010, 8:52pm
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You know what?? Do yourselves a favor and tell the person that you don't do a lot of dating etc...etc...bc it can be quite confusing-this nice nice person started writing to me and then just stopped-I had sent him a note back basically saying thanks for the chat and best of luck, hope you find exactly whom you're looking for.....wrote back right away and said that I misunderstood and that he'd be very interrested in meeting-so we did once (got no real feeling from this person) but I did send a note back and say thanks, and it was lovely to have met you (it was)-but then called and asked me out again (again, got no real feeling from this person at the second meeting) and I told myself I wouldn't send a note back, which seems to prompt his requests to see me. I don't think I'm kidding myself in thinking that this person is just genuinely timid, does nothing but works and never dates-but I'm not spending any more time doing the work here-my feeling would be very different if the person would actually say-look, I think you're great, I'm just a little whatever and it's something that I need to work on-super appreciate your patience and your trying to make me feel comfortable...remember at the end of the day that most ladies are looking for a GOOD guy, and most often those aren't the ones who have gotten their routines 100 percent down pat...that being said, nothing worse than feeling that you don't inspire anything in a person that you're investing time in trying to get to know.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #7  July 2,2010, 6:23am
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yeah_itsnew wrote :
any advice for someone who filled out the questionnaire and got a reply, Sorry, there are no matches for you? a nice explanation, but jeez...
That is very surprising. Maybe you should try setting the distance limits further--say, an hour from your home.

You could also ask this question in the "Using EHarmony" board.
 
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yeahitsme is offline yeahitsme Post #8  July 2,2010, 1:37pm
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Maybe you need to take some baby steps. Asking for a number definatly intimidating most people. I read somewhere in one of the advice articles, about a guy who sat on a park bench and just started casual conversations with everybody who sat next to him. Nothing meaningful, but just an exchange of pleasantries. After a few hours he felt much more confident. This seems like a pretty good exercise. VERY few people are going to be offended or shoot you down just for asking "Do you know how to get to Starbucks from here?". Then once you've mastered the basics, you can move on to asking for a date.
 
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Emme0264 is offline Emme0264 Post #9  July 2,2010, 2:24pm
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You have female friends? Presumably you have no problem talking with them, right? I'd offer two suggestions. First, talk to your female friends and see what their first dates talk about and then practice on your friends. Explain to them that you seem to freeze up on dates and could use some pointers. My second suggestion is to go into dating situations thinking you're going to make another female friend. How does your conversation change between friends and dates? I assume with your friends you talk about work, maybe sports, politics, world events, movies, books, etc. If you go into a date with the same type of conversations in mind, the whole thing might seem more stress free. Going in thinking this is going to be a big romance would just stress me out. Especially in the early going it's just about whether you have a connection. Finding things you have in common would be great. You can also always tell her you're nervous because you find her so attractive. Makes her feel good and maybe will help her take more of the lead in the conversations.

Or course, I'm one of those dopes who can talk to anyone about anything, including stain fighters in certain laundry detergents (actual conversation I had with a guy in a check out line in Wal-Mart) so I may be clueless as to how to help you. But I wish you great luck!
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #10  July 2,2010, 4:02pm

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Do you work with women? You might ask a nice woman at work to 'role play' during coffee break with you, where you can get guidance in the give and take of conversation.

As a woman who has dated very shy men, I can tell you it's quite frustrating to have to be the one to keep the conversational ball rolling all the time. If you want to date, you might need to relax and remember than most of us have just one or 2 dates with our internet matches before we decide that they aren't the ones for us. Each of your dates is practice for the next one and not necessarily The One!

So mellow out a bit and don't let it be so stressful!
 
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