barely 23 and divorced....twice!


Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
crookedlaces is offline crookedlaces Post #1  June 30,2010, 10:37am
crookedlaces's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2010

Posts: 7

See profile

It's obvious I have issues choosing the man I am with, this is one of the reasons I joined eHarmony as I've nearly lost all faith in my discerning abilities. I'm a MUCH more settled person than the majority of people my age because of my life experience & "mileage", and I really just can't see myself in a bar, or club, amongst my "peers" who are only thinking about who they could get to share a bed with them that night. My first husband was my high school sweetheart, and needless to say as immature as I. My second husband, a friend of my first, who moved in right after the fact to sweep me off my feet when I was still very vulnerable, was toxic, controlling, as well as emotionally and verbally abusive...and well on his way to becomming physically abusive. After being off the market and/or married for the past 4 years...a second time. I'm so nervous about dating again! Not to mention that at some point during the "dating process", I will inevitably have to admit to my past mistakes. How do I go about doing this? and when in the process do I say something? I want to be upfront and honest with who I am with in case they have a "no divorcee policy", but I don't want to give the wrong impression or risk loosing a relationship that could really work. Also, I'm wondering if perhaps dating someone who is also a divorcee is the better option. Someone who has never been married before is just too...raw? If that makes any sense.
 
  Reply With Quote
ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #2  June 30,2010, 10:43am
ThePriestess's Avatar

It's a glow-in-the-dark compass ring, so you don't get lost.

Sage

Joined: Apr 2008

Canadian POW held in Florida

Posts: 15,985

See profile

crookedlaces wrote :
Someone who has never been married before is just too...raw? If that makes any sense.
Not really.
 
  Reply With Quote
hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #3  June 30,2010, 10:50am

Isn't afraid to tell you what he thinks of you.

Veteran

Joined: Jan 2010

Posts: 1,198

See profile

crookedlaces wrote :
Someone who has never been married before is just too...raw? If that makes any sense.
I'd say it's in your own best interest to get rid of preconceived notions like this before you start. You're just cutting yourself off from possibilities that could turn out to be the strongest.
 
  Reply With Quote
crookedlaces is offline crookedlaces Post #4  June 30,2010, 10:51am
crookedlaces's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2010

Posts: 7

See profile

re: "not really" ~priestess

I guess, it probably depends on the person and their background. (For ex, someone who lived with their significant other for a long period of time but never married, then broke it off.) But I would feel more secure and understood by another divorcee. Are you recommending i trash that idea to open myself up to more possibilities? Would someone who had never been married even be interested in someone with my history?
 
  Reply With Quote
hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #5  June 30,2010, 10:53am

Isn't afraid to tell you what he thinks of you.

Veteran

Joined: Jan 2010

Posts: 1,198

See profile

crookedlaces wrote :
re: "not really" ~priestess

I guess, it probably depends on the person and their background. (For ex, someone who lived with their significant other for a long period of time but never married, then broke it off.) But I would feel more secure and understood by another divorcee. Are you recommending i trash that idea to open myself up to more possibilities? Would someone who had never been married even be interested in someone with my history?
Guys are going to measure you for yourself, not based on whether you've been married.

Do you have any children? If not then prior marriages are almost irrelevant. You'll be judged on your own merit.
 
  Reply With Quote
crookedlaces is offline crookedlaces Post #6  June 30,2010, 10:54am
crookedlaces's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2010

Posts: 7

See profile

re: both priestess & hank

Ok, idea trashed

No children from either marriage. At least i kept my wits about me on that score. I'm adamant about completing my education first.
 
  Reply With Quote
2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #7  June 30,2010, 10:56am
2clueless's Avatar

says Festivus for the rest of us!

Pacesetter

Joined: Sep 2008

Posts: 437

See profile

Think positive. Put divorced down as part of your dating profile. No one needs to know how many times. Once you find people who are interested in you, then disclose it then as you get to know each other. The right guy will understand. (Kids might complicate this equation.)

It is an anomoly but not a tragedy to be divorced twice at age 23. The question is what you have learned from the experiences. Focus on the positives. No one will treat your life like a train wreck if you don't.
 
  Reply With Quote
hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #8  June 30,2010, 11:01am

Isn't afraid to tell you what he thinks of you.

Veteran

Joined: Jan 2010

Posts: 1,198

See profile

crookedlaces wrote :
re: both priestess & hank

Ok, idea trashed

No children from either marriage. At least i kept my wits about me on that score. I'm adamant about completing my education first.
Then you're basically the same as any other single 23 year old woman.
 
  Reply With Quote
crookedlaces is offline crookedlaces Post #9  June 30,2010, 11:03am
crookedlaces's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2010

Posts: 7

See profile

2clueless wrote :
Think positive. Put divorced down as part of your dating profile. No one needs to know how many times. Once you find people who are interested in you, then disclose it then as you get to know each other. The right guy will understand. (Kids might complicate this equation.)

It is an anomoly but not a tragedy to be divorced twice at age 23. The question is what you have learned from the experiences. Focus on the positives. No one will treat your life like a train wreck if you don't.
Thanks for the positive advice! And yes, I have learned alot from these experiences. I am a naturally optimistic person, but it is nice to be reminded to think positively when I'm starting to doubt myself.

What do you mean by "disclose divorce on your profile"? I checked that box in the initial sign-up, but are you suggesting I put it for example in "Things Laces wants you to know about her" section or something?
 
  Reply With Quote
crookedlaces is offline crookedlaces Post #10  June 30,2010, 11:06am
crookedlaces's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2010

Posts: 7

See profile

hankscorpio wrote :
Then you're basically the same as any other single 23 year old woman.
Your viewpoint really is a relief, comming from a man in my target group. Thank you for your honest opinions
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« A sudden change of stance | About You | Things to NEVER say to a single person (have you heard any of these?) »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
divorced twice - when to tell THAT gem? cricket99 Ask a Dating Expert 12 June 15,2010 2:19pm
Divorced but wearing a wedding ring? nixxie Dating 25 May 18,2010 6:50pm
Dating the recently divorced AIMEZTAVIE Ask a Dating Expert 1 December 19,2009 11:35am
Dating someone who is Divorced knittingtakesballs Dating 16 November 6,2009 1:23pm
When a married man says divorced in profile parakeetjordan Dating 21 August 22,2009 9:29pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Umm....I don't think you are clearly seeing this guy for who he is. He has been with two women at all times... First...it was his wife and you...Then it was you and this other woman....And then now ... ” –  Ingytravel

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“Simple answer to the OP's question: NO. The drama isn't worth it. Tell your boyfriend you don't want to be around him when he's like this (and mean it). Go away, find other things to do, and ... ” –  Lindac7

Join the “Dating a Moody Guy. Is the Drama Worth It???” discussion

“But they are all "jocks," so none interest her. Not only would they never like or get her nerdiness since they are jocks, but as jocks, they don't read, go to museums, go to plays, eat, breath... ... ” –  emma_hazards

Join the “Super active/physically fit men not a match” discussion

“ Heh. I was thinking the same thing, I remember this thread from nearly 2 years ago! But, it is definitely fascinating to see the chip on some people's shoulders, when old threads like this get ... ” –  ScottK

Join the “Do men prefer thin women?” discussion

“Thank you everyone for replying...I think I know what's the right thing to do now. I haven't dated a lot and your advice is very helpful. On a side note, yes, he claims that this is his first time ... ” –  smilingeye

Join the “single mother asking for advice: when to introduce him to my children?” discussion

“No. Usually I am thinking In God's name, why is that kid shrieking like that?! Doesn't his mother hear him? Maybe it gets to the point where the kid's own mother can't even hear him anymore, but ... ” –  Faraday

Join the “Saw You Look” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:04am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0