How Important is Physical Attraction to You?

How Important is Physical Attraction to You?

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How Important is Physical Attraction to You?


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Spider is offline Spider Post #1  June 29,2010, 5:44pm
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There's an assumption in the article that physical attraction and "attractiveness" are equivalent. They are not.
 
A conventionally attractive person (by our cultural standards) may not evoke physical attraction for any given individual. I've known many stunningly handsome men who do not cause any 'spark' at all. OTOH, I've had a rush of hormones from simple things like gestures, movements, a laugh. I knew a quite ordinary-looking professor who made me think very wicked thoughts every time he ran his hand through his hair, and once I had a rush of desire just glimpsing a man's forearm - even though he wasn't good-looking at all.
 
None of the men I've had in my life have been conventionally attractive, and yet I've been intensely attracted to them. It wasn't a matter of height, or biceps, or washboard abs. It was attitude, humor, and a passion for their work/cause/art. That evokes physical attraction.
 
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Breezy1 is offline Breezy1 Post #2  June 29,2010, 5:59pm
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I'm with you, Spider. My last boyfriend looked a lot like James Woods. Yeah, not conventionally good looking at all. At first, there wasn't an attraction, until I started talking to him and noticed that he was shy, funny (must have for me), smart, thoughtful and kind.

Unfortunately, he changed as time went on and eventually made some bad decisions that cost us the relationship, but I am not interested in a Brad Pitt type, never have been. I would like someone with the same attributes listed above.

A woman who loves a man is going to think he's handsome, regardless.
 
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TallGuy65 is offline TallGuy65 Post #3  June 29,2010, 6:28pm
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Something "flashy" may for a slight moment grab our eye, but the attention quickly vanishes if there is nothing inside to back it up. We say "he looks fine" or "she's a knockout"...but after the initial visual stimulus, is there anything really there? A lot of times there is not.

Pretty much every person I have been attracted to could probably be considered to other people as "Plain Jane" in appearance, but to me, they sparkled like diamonds. Just the way they laughed, or the look they had while reading a book, or the way the light framed them on a late summer's day, or the fact that they told me the stupidest joke on the planet was enough to set my heart-a-flutter.

We each have our own definitions of attractiveness. What one person considers attractive may cause another person to quickly turn around and walk the other way. We as a society heap so much emphasis on our outer, physical appearance, that we very often fail to notice the treasures sitting right before our very eyes.

Just my $0.02's worth...
Oh...and it's nice to be back. I missed everyone.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #4  June 29,2010, 6:31pm
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Ditto to Spider and Breezy. Being physically attracted to someone and their being physically attractive (by some conventional standard) are two different things. It's certainly important for me to feel physically attracted to my guy, but that's independent of how I might objectively rank his physical appearance against others.

I do think that sometimes a strong desire for a very good looking mate has to do with being overly concerned with what others think of you. So, you are fearful that others may think less of you if you can "only" attract a mate of average physical appearance (even if that person is fabulous on any number of other dimensions). Someone who is more confident and with good self-esteem will be much less concerned with that and will focus on other more important qualities for compatibility instead.

Edited to Add: "Awwwwww..." @TallGuy (And, welcome back!)
Last edited by neardc; June 29,2010 at 6:33pm.
 
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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #5  June 29,2010, 7:23pm
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Ok, no shoes dropping, just enjoying the present...

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Never been a stunner, so, I never get picked in the first round drafts. So, I am guessing nobody has physical attraction to me (well, there was that ex-wife thing, but, that was just plain bad on my part). After I open my mouth, well, then, all bets are off, and they run like their hair is on fire... siiiiggh
 
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Northguy is offline Northguy Post #6  June 29,2010, 7:35pm
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I'm not interested in the models or the beauty pageant winners. I'm looking for someone who likes me. Now granted, I refuse to go out with women who don't look after themselves or obese women, but I'm not interested in the women who do nothing but look after themselves either.
Recently I saw a show called "Inner Beauty". If thats the way the so called "Hot" people act, I don't want anything to do with them.
What society calls average looks with a wonderful kindness or inner beauty is fine by me.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  June 29,2010, 8:13pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Northguy wrote :
I'm not interested in the models or the beauty pageant winners. I'm looking for someone who likes me. Now granted, I refuse to go out with women who don't look after themselves or obese women, but I'm not interested in the women who do nothing but look after themselves either.
Recently I saw a show called "Inner Beauty". If thats the way the so called "Hot" people act, I don't want anything to do with them.
What society calls average looks with a wonderful kindness or inner beauty is fine by me.
I've never seen that show but I have known people who are super attractive who are really insupportable. That's why I have generally gone after attractive....but not super stunningly attractive women. I'd have to live with them, after all.
 
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beaner is offline beaner Post #8  June 29,2010, 8:13pm
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I have found that initial physical attraction must be present for me, but attraction on a much deeper level is more important for sustaining an interest in a man. I agree that when a woman loves a man, she finds him attractive, sexy, and desirable.
 
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Wootz is offline Wootz Post #9  June 29,2010, 8:28pm
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So...

Physically Attractive: Man, I'd like to get in her pants, but only if her personality stays in her purse.

Personally Attractive: Waitaminute, we've been talking for over four hours? It felt like fifteen minutes... And by the way, can I have your number?


'Cuz if that's the case, I can deal with that... I'll have a number two, please.

*grin*
 
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TallGuy65 is offline TallGuy65 Post #10  June 29,2010, 8:44pm
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Wootz wrote :
So...

Physically Attractive: Man, I'd like to get in her pants, but only if her personality stays in her purse.

Personally Attractive: Waitaminute, we've been talking for over four hours? It felt like fifteen minutes... And by the way, can I have your number?


'Cuz if that's the case, I can deal with that... I'll have a number two, please.

*grin*
To sum up:
Physical Attractiveness: Us reverting to basic animal instincts.

Personal Attractiveness: Us actually using our brains.
 
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