How Important is Physical Attraction to You?

How Important is Physical Attraction to You?

This discussion is based on an Advice article:
How Important is Physical Attraction to You?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #21  June 29,2010, 9:21pm

Unregistered

Joined: Oct 2009

Posts: 6,908

See profile

Just don't say to your date "Ya know...physical attractiveness is not important to me......"
 
  Reply With Quote
JonBoy is offline JonBoy Post #22  June 29,2010, 9:49pm
JonBoy's Avatar

is optimistic!

Pacesetter

Joined: Mar 2008

San Diego

Posts: 443

See profile

Very interesting article with fine points as well as everyones comments. I learned much. As the old saying to love me is to know me and vice versa so when we take the time to know someone usually you'll see everyone is truly beautiful in their own way more or less. It's just a matter of compatibility's, shared values etc. I think it becomes a real problem if your discontent with your choice and your looking at others. Sad when some let themselves go to pot so to speak
 
  Reply With Quote
Spider is offline Spider Post #23  June 30,2010, 3:43am
Spider's Avatar

got 174 new students this year

Veteran

Joined: Nov 2007

Posts: 1,919

See profile

kimbirdy wrote :
What I find interesting is the people who say they don't want someone who is (conventionally speaking) attractive, because there's no substance behind the beauty. How is that always the case? It's no more true than saying all (conventionally speaking) homely people have shining personalities.

I'd be lying if I said that some degree of attractiveness doesn't play a part. Like someone else said, it's a piece of the pie but not the whole pie. So...the crust maybe. Or the decorative bits on top.
Oh, you're right, I think. I guess the main point is that physical attraction is necessary, but it is independent of physical attractiveness (those conventional standards). Most adults have realized (sometime between middle school and death) that the cute or hot people are just that, people, and not guaranteed to be kind, humorous, or intelligent because of their looks. And plainer folk aren't necessarily the gentle souls, either.

What irritated me in the article is that it seemed to conflate the two and warned about demanding physical attraction in a potential partner, while assuming it was based on looks. It's not.

Heck, yes, I demand that there be physical attraction! Otherwise, you've got a great friend, not a lover (or some very dull sex).
 
  Reply With Quote
BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #24  June 30,2010, 3:53am
BikerBeagle's Avatar

thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2008

Kansas

Posts: 2,548

See profile

neardc wrote :
Being physically attracted to someone and their being physically attractive (by some conventional standard) are two different things.
I think this is worth repeating as many people seem to be justifying why they felt "physically attracted" to someone who, by social standards, wasn't "physically attractive". That's not really the issue at hand.

Personally, I think physical attraction is the #1 - numero uno - quality of a healthy, monogamous, long-term relationship. Sure, there are many others (communication, honestly, loyalty, etc), all dealbreakers in their own right, but without PA? ...you can never truly be anything more than 'friends' at best. PA (and the resulting 'acts of intimacy') is, quite literally, the only thing that separates a romantic-interest from a friend-interest.

Does it guarantee success? ...absolutely not! ...but, a lack of PA can certainly guarantee failure.

I can't even imagine being in a romantic relationship with someone I didn't find physically attractive (for whatever reason) ...and would actively seek to remove myself from any situation where I thought the reverse was true.

Further, I think PA is instaneous ...it's either there, or it isn't. I don't believe this is something you can "fake it till you make it" and, frankly, if it takes "getting to know someone 'on the inside'" before you can say you are "physically" attracted to them, there is something wrong there. PA is a base animal instinct and doesn't (or shouldn't) require any thought or mental consideration whatsoever.

Frankly, the very thought that someone I was physically attracted to (and interested in having a relationship with) was looking at me and saying, "meh I might be able to have sex with him if he's funny enough" is an insult.
 
  Reply With Quote
insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #25  June 30,2010, 4:28am
insertscreenn…'s Avatar

... is like a nice warm vibratey feeling all through your guttiwuts.

Virtuoso

Joined: Jan 2010

Toronto, Canada

Posts: 3,409

See profile

Wootz wrote :
Physically Attractive: Man, I'd like to get in her pants, but only if her personality stays in her purse.

Personally Attractive: Waitaminute, we've been talking for over four hours? It felt like fifteen minutes... And by the way, can I have your number?

'Cuz if that's the case, I can deal with that... I'll have a number two, please.

*grin*
Yup. Can't say it any better than that.

The only physical trait common to all the women I've had relationships with (aside from being absolutely beautiful to me, although perhaps not in "society's conventional ways") seems to be a distinctive nose. I have a thing for noses!

I absolutely agree that physical attraction is critical to any successful romantic relationship. If the lust factor isn't there, you're just good friends.
 
  Reply With Quote
Breezy1 is offline Breezy1 Post #26  June 30,2010, 6:48am
Breezy1's Avatar

Would like her heart to be touched first...

Power Poster

Joined: May 2010

Posts: 8,158

See profile

BikerBeagle wrote :
Personally, I think physical attraction is the #1 - numero uno - quality of a healthy, monogamous, long-term relationship. Sure, there are many others (communication, honestly, loyalty, etc), all dealbreakers in their own right, but without PA? ...you can never truly be anything more than 'friends' at best. PA (and the resulting 'acts of intimacy') is, quite literally, the only thing that separates a romantic-interest from a friend-interest.

Does it guarantee success? ...absolutely not! ...but, a lack of PA can certainly guarantee failure.

I can't even imagine being in a romantic relationship with someone I didn't find physically attractive (for whatever reason) ...and would actively seek to remove myself from any situation where I thought the reverse was true.

Further, I think PA is instaneous ...it's either there, or it isn't. I don't believe this is something you can "fake it till you make it" and, frankly, if it takes "getting to know someone 'on the inside'" before you can say you are "physically" attracted to them, there is something wrong there. PA is a base animal instinct and doesn't (or shouldn't) require any thought or mental consideration whatsoever.

Frankly, the very thought that someone I was physically attracted to (and interested in having a relationship with) was looking at me and saying, "meh I might be able to have sex with him if he's funny enough" is an insult.
I disagree with so much of this post I don't really know where to start.

But, frankly, if you think that physical attraction is the #1 most important thing to a long term relationship, then we are so far apart to begin with I don't know that I can say anything to bring us to a concensus.

Physical beauty, or lack thereof, is only skin deep. Attraction to a person can begin with any number of different scenarios. I met my ex through work. At first, no, there was no attraction. However, as I saw more and more of him, a physical attraction developed. I certainly hope that he did not feel insulted by this.

If you are simply shunning women based on looks only, without getting to know them, then you could be avoiding a wonderful connection with a special person.

And there is not one post on this thread that comes near the "meh, I might be able to have sex with him if he's funny" comment. That is you reading into it something which is not there.

I won't go into my sex life, primarily because I don't have one currently, but I have never had a physical relationship with a man that I was not utterly attracted to, physically, emotionally & mentally.

For me, a deep friendship, knowledge of and appreciation for a person's inner qualities are the things necessary for a long term relationship.

What are you going to hang your hat on when the beauty fades?
 
  Reply With Quote
FaintestInkling is offline FaintestInkling Post #27  June 30,2010, 7:22am
FaintestInkli…'s Avatar

Veteran

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 1,105

See profile

BikerBeagle wrote :

I can't even imagine being in a romantic relationship with someone I didn't find physically attractive (for whatever reason) ...and would actively seek to remove myself from any situation where I thought the reverse was true ....


Frankly, the very thought that someone I was physically attracted to (and interested in having a relationship with) was looking at me and saying, "meh I might be able to have sex with him if he's funny enough" is an insult.
I wholeheartedly agree with this, and think it's the heart of the matter. There are lots of people I find attractive with whom I would not want to be in a romantic relationship, BUT I would never want to be in a romantic relationship if I wasn't attracted ...

It's actually a very touchy topic for me, especially since I just recently went through a break-up in which the girl I was dating for five months finally admitted she was not attracted to me, but "liked me as a person" and was "trying to make it work."

In fact, lack of physical of attraction is the ONLY reason in the 11 years I've been trying to date (since I was 17) that someone has stopped dating me. Sometimes after one date, sometimes after three, sometimes after months ... You'd think I'm trying to date way out of my league, like the article suggests, but I think I'm at least average, and I do everything I can. (I've never been overweight; for the last two years, I've worked out for an hour virtually every day. Good hygiene. Dress well. Always shave. Got contacts about a year ago. I'm doing about everything a guy can do.)

It's a perplexing topic to me ... twice in my life I've actually had female friends, who, at the time were not interested in dating or were not single, tell me that she thought I was "cute" or "good-looking" ... and then at later points, circumstances changed, and we did try to date, and both girls ended up saying after not to long, "they didn't feel attracted to me."

So ... it's pretty frustrating. Sometimes, if you're lonely, the whole physical attraction thing makes you think you're being too picky, and you ought to just "force yourself to be attracted to someone you're not," but I've never appreciated that when I've been on the receiving end ....

Bottom line to me is, don't even go on a first date if you don't find someone physically attractive. I mean, how can you not know? You can see the person, right?
 
  Reply With Quote
Breezy1 is offline Breezy1 Post #28  June 30,2010, 8:33am
Breezy1's Avatar

Would like her heart to be touched first...

Power Poster

Joined: May 2010

Posts: 8,158

See profile

Why would someone even consider being in a relationship with someone that they are not physically attracted to? I'm just saying that the physical attraction, and therefore, the relationship, does not have to be "immediate".

And, for me, it is not the most important thing. There is so much more that makes a man attractive other than the color of his eyes, or his smile.

What if all of his teeth fall out, then what you gonna do?

But, certainly, no one would expect you to spend time with someone that physically repulses you.
 
  Reply With Quote
PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #29  June 30,2010, 8:36am

Unregistered

Joined: Oct 2009

Posts: 6,908

See profile

Breezy1 wrote :

What if all of his teeth fall out, then what you gonna do?
That's not necessarily a bad thing....there won't be any bite marks....
 
  Reply With Quote
insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #30  June 30,2010, 8:54am
insertscreenn…'s Avatar

... is like a nice warm vibratey feeling all through your guttiwuts.

Virtuoso

Joined: Jan 2010

Toronto, Canada

Posts: 3,409

See profile

PY_2 wrote :
That's not necessarily a bad thing....there won't be any bite marks....
Aw come on, PY. You know some womenz like battle scars!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Health and Dating | About You | is it perceived differently if someone adopts vs. has biological children from their ex? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
How Eharmony matches and physical attraction? OrBarbie Using eHarmony 26 January 19,2011 1:45pm
Why is physical apperance such an issue Manicbutterfly About You 198 December 25,2010 7:23pm
Will the physical attraction come? b_sunshyne Relationships 30 November 4,2010 7:05pm
Would you date someone if there was absolutely no physical attraction whatsoever? GEF2 Dating 68 July 4,2010 10:47pm
Folly of minimizing attraction and chemistry waltercl Dating 224 September 23,2009 4:21pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Umm....I don't think you are clearly seeing this guy for who he is. He has been with two women at all times... First...it was his wife and you...Then it was you and this other woman....And then now ... ” –  Ingytravel

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“Simple answer to the OP's question: NO. The drama isn't worth it. Tell your boyfriend you don't want to be around him when he's like this (and mean it). Go away, find other things to do, and ... ” –  Lindac7

Join the “Dating a Moody Guy. Is the Drama Worth It???” discussion

“But they are all "jocks," so none interest her. Not only would they never like or get her nerdiness since they are jocks, but as jocks, they don't read, go to museums, go to plays, eat, breath... ... ” –  emma_hazards

Join the “Super active/physically fit men not a match” discussion

“ Heh. I was thinking the same thing, I remember this thread from nearly 2 years ago! But, it is definitely fascinating to see the chip on some people's shoulders, when old threads like this get ... ” –  ScottK

Join the “Do men prefer thin women?” discussion

“Thank you everyone for replying...I think I know what's the right thing to do now. I haven't dated a lot and your advice is very helpful. On a side note, yes, he claims that this is his first time ... ” –  smilingeye

Join the “single mother asking for advice: when to introduce him to my children?” discussion

“No. Usually I am thinking In God's name, why is that kid shrieking like that?! Doesn't his mother hear him? Maybe it gets to the point where the kid's own mother can't even hear him anymore, but ... ” –  Faraday

Join the “Saw You Look” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:03am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0