eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  June 28,2010, 9:53am
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My one wish for you, is love. :)

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A friend posted this on her Facebook today:

Your task is not to seek love, but to seek & find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
~Rumi

It made me go..."hmmmm...."

Do you think you've built up any barriers within yourself against love?

Myself, I know I am a tiny bit distrustful when approaching dating, which creates a slight undercurrent of tension that, if my dates don't feel it, well - I certainly do. I kind of psych myself out! Definitely something I'm planning to work on as I approach dating again...

How about you? Are you somehow (even subconsciously) sabotaging your chances at love?
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #2  June 28,2010, 9:58am
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I don't have anything blocking me mentally in that department.

I do however know that I am not prepared at all times for any opportunities that may arise.

I try to be but need to constantly work on that.
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #3  June 28,2010, 4:49pm
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Sometimes I cave to skepticism.

I'd like to say that I give online dating folk the benefit of the doubt but it would be more accurate to say that I am responsive and transparent. In my real life, I'm warmer and I'm not afraid to initiate. And I try to find the best in people and give them the benefit of the doubt.

In the world of online dating where you assume every guy is a multidater and there is always another profile, another website, another incoming email and people poof all over the place I keep my walls up and am less likely to go with the flow or overinvest in anyone.

I don't know if this is a barrier to love. Probably. But it is what it is. I don't know how else to be.
Last edited by 2clueless; June 28,2010 at 4:57pm.
 
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Northguy is offline Northguy Post #4  June 28,2010, 5:14pm
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Skepticism, fear, distrust and tension are all a part of trying to date in the modern world. So many people are trying to date just to find something they want instead of trying to date for the long term companionship like it should be. This leads to all kinds of problems for people.
I don't think a person is his/her worst enemy. I think changing society views are the bigger enemy. What society sees as popular, attractive, and needed has spread so far and has become deeply ingrained that dating was soon to fall victim. Money, shallowness, and popularity is taking much higher priority in dating than kindness, communication, and caring these days.
People could be so happy with someone in this world. They could find someone with a focus on, "He treats me so nice", or "She is such a wonderful person". But now those things have been replaced with, "I must go out with a handsome guy or I'll suffer socially", or "I hope she has a high paying job".
No, A person is not their worst enemy, there are bigger foes than one's self.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #5  June 28,2010, 5:33pm

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I'm totally my own worst enemy.

i like that quote, lori. I'm printing it out and going to tape it to the fridge.
 
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londonrain17 is offline londonrain17 Post #6  June 28,2010, 5:56pm
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I have never dated much and I am 28. A lot of that has to do with the fact that the last two people I dated,one I married,were abusive in every way that you can imagine. My ex-husband and I have a daughter together and this is a man that punched me in my belly on three separate occasions while I was pregnant with her. Direct blows. The second guy I dated seemed wonderful until his drinking,which he kept secret for months, brought out a side of him that almost got me killed in front of my daughter. Then when I was down with a concussion he had given me he went after her and there was nothing I could do to protect her. I know that sounds unreal that I would fall for the same kind of guy twice but it will never happen again. But now I am literally scared to date even though it has been 7 and 3 years since those things happened. I don't want to find myself with another man like that so going into a date I am looking left and right for signs that I saw in those men. So I am my own worst enemy!
 
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JoyfullyLivingMaui is offline JoyfullyLivingMaui Post #7  June 28,2010, 6:53pm

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Yea, sometimes. Only I cannot seem to put a pattern to when I am and when I'm not.

I've been through some pretty tough experiences, and because of that I figure there's not much that could happen that I cannot get through. And, like my mom always said: "when it's my time to go, it's my time to go - there's no stopping it and there's no making it happen any earlier!" I kinda like that philosophy.

So now I just mostly try to be in the moment, breathe, and find something to enjoy about it.
 
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Northern_Mirage is offline Northern_Mirage Post #8  July 1,2010, 1:35pm
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I think I’m my own worst enemy. I have yet to master how to communicate with people. Either I’m too quiet and mysterious or too talkative and an open book. Neither of those approaches seem to work very well for me.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #9  July 1,2010, 3:20pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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I am my own worst enemy, and being kind of ambitious, I do not restrict this Albatross to my dating life, but rather carry it through all important areas of my life where I am also involved in rigorous self harm.



Northern Mirage and my avatars look like a couple.
 
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Herne_the_Hunter is offline Herne_the_Hunter Post #10  July 2,2010, 4:37am
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contemplates...

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My biggest stumbling block is the chatter in my head, that constant questioning of myself and moments that happen during exchangings - silly I know, but it still happens
 
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