psgcooldog is online now psgcooldog Post #11  June 28,2010, 8:08pm
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dazedconfuzed wrote :
I'm not sure if this is the right place, but it seemed to make sense to post this here.

I am a pretty affectionate and loving person. I adore my friends and would do just about anything I could for them. I have a great mix of female and male friends and I try to be there for them when they need support, no matter their gender.

My concern is this: When I have a male friend that's going through something, some issue, some concern, and I offer support or just send hugs or let them know I am thinking of them or something of the sort, why is it assumed that I am trying to get romantic or flirting or coming on to them when I am just trying to be a friend? Or if I am just trying to have a conversation in general, the same thing happens?

I am just a genuinely nice person, but I am not targeting every male I know for romance. I've had a couple issues come up with a couple guy friends who were going through divorces and when I tried to be supportive, they thought I was trying to catch them on the rebound. Even though both of them knew I was dating someone at the time.

So do I just not be a friend to my male friends while they are going through a rough time? Just forget I know them for the time being? I don't know what to do...
Breezy - there's an old expression, "the wish is father to the thought."

In more modern terms, they are most likely engaging in projection. It's very likely unconscious, so don't think too poorly of them. They simply find you attractive, and are not in a place where they find that an acceptable feeling, so they project it upon you, and then deny it there.

Simple, actually.
 
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Avalon1k is offline Avalon1k Post #12  June 28,2010, 10:42pm
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dazedconfuzed wrote :

One of my very closest friends is a married man and he's always been very up front with me and he told me I am doing nothing wrong, that he has never seen me give off the impression nor has HE ever gotten the impression that I am hinting at more. He says I am just a very warm, genuine person and people who aren't expecting it or aren't used to it may take it the wrong way. Or in some cases, the guy may just be thinking too highly of himself.

I think probably that you are well liked and that maybe you give off some body language signals that guys tend to misread. I have known women like this and guys really go for them. Try being a little more stand-offish when you speak to them (no touching...if you do that now). For some guys it takes very little for them to think a woman is interested...for some it takes a club to the head.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #13  June 29,2010, 10:53am
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Yay! spring has sprung.

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Avalon1k wrote :
I think probably that you are well liked and that maybe you give off some body language signals that guys tend to misread. I have known women like this and guys really go for them. Try being a little more stand-offish when you speak to them (no touching...if you do that now). For some guys it takes very little for them to think a woman is interested...for some it takes a club to the head.
Then your called a snob or stuck up. Sometimes you can't win for losing.
 
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dazedconfuzed is offline dazedconfuzed Post #14  June 29,2010, 11:19am
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livenlearn wrote :
Then your called a snob or stuck up. Sometimes you can't win for losing.

SO true...

I got an email from one of the guys this morning (he is still in the middle of his divorce). He asked me if I wanted to meet for coffee this week so he could talk to me about designing his business cards and website. This is a business meeting to me, not a friend meeting, so if things take a turn for the personal, I am going to have to close off a little.

I know everyone always says not to let past issues interfere with new experiences, but that is just so much easier said than done.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #15  June 29,2010, 11:56am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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can anyone throw any light on why my post was removed from this thread?
 
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dazedconfuzed is offline dazedconfuzed Post #16  June 29,2010, 4:20pm
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trixie1868 wrote :
can anyone throw any light on why my post was removed from this thread?
What did it say Trixie? I didn't see it.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #17  June 30,2010, 11:04am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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dazedconfuzed wrote :
What did it say Trixie? I didn't see it.
I can't remember exactly but I think it might have been a little bit rude because I saw your name and Scarlet's and thought I was in LTAS ( oops).

Not porntastic, but a bit rude. Sorry if it offended anyone.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #18  June 30,2010, 9:35pm
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dazedconfuzed wrote :
SO true...

I got an email from one of the guys this morning (he is still in the middle of his divorce). He asked me if I wanted to meet for coffee this week so he could talk to me about designing his business cards and website. This is a business meeting to me, not a friend meeting, so if things take a turn for the personal, I am going to have to close off a little.

I know everyone always says not to let past issues interfere with new experiences, but that is just so much easier said than done.
Yup, keep it business.

So have you done that yet?

Keep us updated. He better not hit on ya.
 
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Avalon1k is offline Avalon1k Post #19  June 30,2010, 9:58pm
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livenlearn wrote :
Then your called a snob or stuck up. Sometimes you can't win for losing.
Yeah isn't that the truth. I was shy in high school and a lot of girls thought I was stuck up.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #20  July 1,2010, 1:36pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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Avalon1k wrote :
Yeah isn't that the truth. I was shy in high school and a lot of girls thought I was stuck up.
It's more galling to be genuinely stuck up and just get written off as shy.
 
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