Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  June 25,2010, 1:58pm
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OK. I have some guys here right now loading rubble from a construction project to take to the dump. My oddball neighbor comes up and takes one of the guys and they start walking away. I go out and say "what's up?". The neighbor wants the guys to pick up some debris of his and take it in my dumpster with my stuff. So I can pay the labor and dump fees for him, I guess.

I say "It bothers me that you're interrupting people who are working for me to have them go do some work for you. It isn't free." Neighbor says "Oh sorry." and walks away.

I know I'm in the right here. I've had minor conflicts with this neighbor before and it never escalates; we get along fine. After the neighbor left the worker said he didn't want to take the guy's stuff (toxic material, can't go to the same dump) and was fine with me driving the neighbor away.

Yet I feel ... tense and like I did something wrong.

Am I at heart the female version of Quasi-Nice-Guy? Why should I feel wrong?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  June 25,2010, 2:24pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Conflict can feel unpleasant or perhaps even 'wrong'. However, if you aren't willing to endure that discomfort there are people who will walk all over you. I think you did well in the situation.
 
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Tipitina is online now Tipitina Post #3  June 25,2010, 2:55pm
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I agree -- you handled it perfectly.

It's interesting that you were more vocal than the dumpster guy, especially given that he seemed to be agreeing to do something he didn't want to do.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #4  June 25,2010, 3:08pm
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Sassafras54 wrote :
OK. I have some guys here right now loading rubble from a construction project to take to the dump. My oddball neighbor comes up and takes one of the guys and they start walking away. I go out and say "what's up?". The neighbor wants the guys to pick up some debris of his and take it in my dumpster with my stuff. So I can pay the labor and dump fees for him, I guess.

I say "It bothers me that you're interrupting people who are working for me to have them go do some work for you. It isn't free." Neighbor says "Oh sorry." and walks away.

I know I'm in the right here. I've had minor conflicts with this neighbor before and it never escalates; we get along fine. After the neighbor left the worker said he didn't want to take the guy's stuff (toxic material, can't go to the same dump) and was fine with me driving the neighbor away.

Yet I feel ... tense and like I did something wrong.

Am I at heart the female version of Quasi-Nice-Guy? Why should I feel wrong?
You did nothing wrong. Your right. Your paying for these men and you would be paying for his waste to be dumped also. I dont think so.
These types of people will continue to try to get away with stuff.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  June 25,2010, 3:18pm
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I agree, I'm right! It does help to hear others think so too, thanks.

Having to confront someone when they're doing a wrong thing just makes me tense.

Oh wait. Why did I become a VCL then! oops. Perhaps subconsciously I wanted to practice on my EH buddies.

I'm joking. But only kinda. I do not like confronting people who are overstepping boundaries.

This somehow to me seems linked to all the Nice Guy nice guy quasi/faux nice guy threads that are active right now, that make my head spin!

I hate to admit that I may have some quasifaux nice-guy traits. Ick.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  June 25,2010, 3:47pm
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You didn't do anything wrong, I think you were just anxious, so your body reacted with anxiety.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #7  June 25,2010, 4:02pm

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Sassafras54 wrote :
OK. I have some guys here right now loading rubble from a construction project to take to the dump. My oddball neighbor comes up and takes one of the guys and they start walking away. I go out and say "what's up?". The neighbor wants the guys to pick up some debris of his and take it in my dumpster with my stuff. So I can pay the labor and dump fees for him, I guess.

I say "It bothers me that you're interrupting people who are working for me to have them go do some work for you. It isn't free." Neighbor says "Oh sorry." and walks away.

I know I'm in the right here. I've had minor conflicts with this neighbor before and it never escalates; we get along fine. After the neighbor left the worker said he didn't want to take the guy's stuff (toxic material, can't go to the same dump) and was fine with me driving the neighbor away.

Yet I feel ... tense and like I did something wrong.

Am I at heart the female version of Quasi-Nice-Guy? Why should I feel wrong?
nope. you did admirably. I'm proud of you! next, we'll work on using expletives to make someone run away in fear.

women tend to second guess this stuff because we were raised to be polite and "nice". boo on that, i say.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #8  June 25,2010, 4:29pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
You didn't do anything wrong, I think you were just anxious, so your body reacted with anxiety.
Talking to idiot neighbors always causes anxiety.

Even for me.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #9  June 25,2010, 4:32pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
nope. you did admirably. I'm proud of you! next, we'll work on using expletives to make someone run away in fear.

women tend to second guess this stuff because we were raised to be polite and "nice". boo on that, i say.
Not only that. Those who wouldn't do such a thing themselves. This type of stuff locks up the brain as to why anyone else would.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #10  June 25,2010, 4:49pm

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livenlearn wrote :
Not only that. Those who wouldn't do such a thing themselves. This type of stuff locks up the brain as to why anyone else would.
true.
 
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